[ SECRET POST #3648 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3648 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 07 secrets from Secret Submission Post #521.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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I'm so jealous of fanfic readers can read their embarrasing smut in public.

I wish it wasn't so fucking obvious when you read comics.

Oh man, this reminded me of this girl in my high school who constantly read Naruto smut while on the bus to school (amongst other places, the bus was just the most obvious) The bus was pretty much always packed, so you really couldn't avoid seeing what she read if you stood beside her. It was very obvious and soo awkward imo.

One of my friends in high school used to read hardcore yaoi manga in class. I got really awkward when one of our classmates looked over her shoulder and started reading it aloud, complete with sound effects. It got confiscated and she got told not to bring them anymore, but she didn't care.

People who can properly use a knife and fork. Their cutting their meat like a pro while I am holding the utensils in my fists like weapons.

YES.

Jesus Christ I don't even order things at restaurants that require more than the most basic fork-to-mouth motion because I am so incompetent. I'm that asshole that's like, trying to cut their food nicely but is violently scraping the plate with the knife, and then the food is launched off my plate onto the tablecloth, and woops haha I'm so embarrassed don't mind me as I hold this knife like a toddler who hasn't yet outgrown the vestigial grasping instinct.

Oh yes, the horrible scraping noise. Ughhhhhh. And when the food slips away from you as you try to make as little noise as possible.

Practice? It's how I learned.

It's also how I mastered chopsticks and other utensil magic.

Er... it's a learned skill. Nobody is born knowing how to do those things. Is there something that prevents you from practicing and acquiring that skill the way others have done?

I've tried. I am just terrible at it. I have terrible fine motor control for that specific task.

People always make fun of me for using my cutlery correctly and leaving it in different positions for pausing and finishing.

:/

Trade?

As long as you can stand people looking at you as you screech your way across a plate.

HA. Screw them! I love doing 'Miss Manners approved' utensil etiquette. It's fun!

does anyone apart from my dad actually do that crazy crap where you keep switching your knife and fork from one hand to the other in between bites? he yells at me for not doing it (and I'm no kid) but who the hell even does that?

Only people that actually use all the forks and spoons that come next to a plate do.

I am jealous of not being able to get a good burger most places.

Sometimes I too would like to just pick up something quick and be done with it, you know? But yes, I know I have made my own bed here.

Why, did you move to a hamburger-less wasteland?

Re: petty things you're jealous of

herpymcderp - 2016-12-30 00:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: petty things you're jealous of

(Anonymous) - 2016-12-30 01:08 (UTC) - Expand

My friends talking to their other friends more than they talk to me.

Normal-sized calves (leg muscles, not livestock). Even at a size 6 I still had 17" calves. I have 8" ankles, for reference. Ridiculous.

I just want to fit into regular-width knee-high boots, man. I want to wear mid-calf-length skirts and ankle boots without the awareness of how they make my legs look like tree trunks. I want to wear cute knee-high socks and not cut off my circulation, and wear patterned tights and not distort the images, nor feel like I'm drawing attention to this ugly part of my body.

Hell, I would settle for the joy of finding a pair of wide-calf boots that fit my calves AND fit my feet well AND nip in at the ankles AND actually look like something I would choose to wear even if they weren't the only things I could find that would fit my calves. This is my holy grail.

There's this company which makes custom-fit boots, but they're kinda out of my price range. But maybe I should invest in a pair. Maybe I would feel more confident knowing I have boots on which actually fit and actually look good to my taste, and then my mind would be free to think about other things besides my dumb legs.

I am so jealous of people who never have to think about the width of their calves.

I feel you. I've always had thick calves. I'd never thought to measure them, but I just did and they're 21". I just don't wear high boots, but sometimes I wish I could.

I'm a little jealous of people whose moms call them all the time, since mine is very non-sentimental and almost never calls me because she knows I will call her eventually and I guess she is ok with the frequency of those calls. I've always kind of craved a more emotional (in a positive way) and nurturing relationship with her I guess.

When people know more than one language.

I am trying to learn Czech for the past year, but it's so difficult in America when everyone here is a lazy piece of shit who thinks English is all you need to know anyway. I can't practice with anyone, and I can't afford real classes right now.

I know being jealous of people who know more than one language is really stupid, but I can't help it. I feel like they're so lucky in a way.

That other people have happy families that won't kick them out and will actually support/help them when they need it and aren't perfect, contributing citizens who are free of any physical and mental illness.

When people post a quick doodle and get hundreds of notes. Meanwhile I work forever on fic and get under ten notes.

Stupidest and most petty thing: I'm fucking envious of people who can actually digest grease and fat and the like. They get to enjoy a hamburger without being camped out next to the toilet puking their guts out and shitting their souls out.

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