fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3651 ]

[ SECRET POST #3651 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3651 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Whether unintentional insults, passive aggressive "compliments", or just weird ones.

My late grandmother was known for not having much of a filter and when I came home from my freshman year of college she informed me 'You're not as fat as you used to be!' (I was not fat to begin with. She meant well.)

My other grandmother also once set 14 year old me some mini skirts because 'I'm too skinny for them now but I thought these would fit you!' and my mother had to call her and explain why that was not bright.

Ah, yes, elderly filters.

She was good for that. She was also the type to use racial slurs while complaining about why people were so mean to black people. And I don't mean the way older people sometimes use the word 'colored' because it used to be acceptable.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, it was incredibly easy for all sorts of vulgar stuff to go over my head. (I didn't even know what the other meaning of "wank" was. I thought fandom made it up.) Definitely awkward, and I can laugh at myself now, but I hated when my friends would be all "aww, you're so innocent!" It was embarrassing, actually, and not all that flattering.

(Although I do wonder how I was so naive. It wasn't like I was raised on a farm by the Amish.)

I was naive because I am an oldest kid, my parents filtered stuff around me to an extent (not a horrifying helicopter parent extent, but they did pay attention to what I was seeing) and I frankly didn't care enough to go finding any of it out. It wasn't really on my radar. I just wanted to read, play music, and do other stuff like that.

I think this is kind of a universal thing, but I hate when people compliment how thick and curly my hair is, because I think straight hair is so much prettier, and the thickness makes it really hard to manage.

My hair's not curly, but man is it thick, and I completely understand. People don't realize it also means you can't really put fun things in your hair. I tried wearing barrettes in middle school when everyone else was, and the barrette would disappear somewhere on my head. I usually found it on my pillow the following morning.

I wear those sometimes and bobby pins more, and I'm constantly finding them while combing my hair in the shower because I just forget they're there.

They also lose their usefulness after a short while on my head.

Everyone wants what they can't have. I can't tell you how many curly haired people I see saying they exclusively straighten their hair, and how many straight haired people hate the lack of body. My hair is so thick that it's frustrating, but some of my clients don't want to hear that because they can't get any body at all. I think there's a lot of pros and cons to all types of hair, but people really underestimate how much work thick or curly hair is, or how easily straight, fine hair can tangle.

I have great hair but a really ugly face.

That's probably less true than you think. Besides, the right hair can change your features entirely.

One of my customers at the shoe store told me that it seemed like my entire existence revolved around shoes. I think he meant to compliment my knowledge.

I had a pixie cut for a few years and this barista at the coffee shop I used to go to said "gosh I would NEVER do THAT to MY hair.....but it looks good on you". The lolzy part about that was I was about to put my change in her tip jar, but when she said that I paused, put my money back in my purse and said "well then". The look on her face was almost worth her backhanded bullshit comment.

I get stuff like this all the time because I change colors more than most people change socks. One lady actually gasped when I walked by with my dark blue/purple/red hair, and then frantically covered up with "oh, that looks so cool! I could never do it but I'm sure my granddaughter would love that!"

Ha! I hope the barista learned a little tact, especially if she wants to continue in customer service.

I've had my fair share of, "You'd be so pretty if you lost [5-50] pounds!"

********

[Sorry, I don't know if I should put a trigger warning on this or not. The stuff below made me feel really gross, and it involves parents with inappropriate boundaries. I just want to vent it out of my system, I guess.]

A few months ago, I went on a trip to Russia with my dad (because I really wanted to go, and he's the only person I know who could go with me, because he's retired and he could afford the ticket). My dad and I have a strange, uncomfortable relationship (in my view; he doesn't think anything is wrong), but my desire to go to Russia outweighed my reluctance to share a room with him for 16 days, and things were actually going really well until the very last day, when he said this horrible thing:

"People here have told me they think you're very pretty.....they also think we're husband and wife." (Said in this revolting tone of voice I can't describe, but it was as though he had been really flattered when someone said that to him and it made him feel kinda bashful, and when he repeated it to me, he fully expected me to feel the same way.) This probably seems like NBD to most people but I can't articulate how horrible it made me feel and still does now.

Yikes. I can completely understand why that bothered you.

"I'd really like to fuck you in the ass."

...uh. You too, high school kid?

Out of effin' NOWHERE.

What was the context of that one?

It was around ten years ago, so I would've been 22-24ish, and I just walking around at the mall, and this punk-ass twiggy boy who looked all of fifteen opens his mouth and that comes out.

At the time I was also severely underweight because of thyroid problems and had NO ASS, it was practically CONCAVE, so anyone saying anything about it that wasn't "wow, I can see your butt bones poking out through your jeans, eat a cheeseburger it hurts to look at you" really stood out.

Re: What are the worst compliments you've been given?

diet_poison - 2017-01-03 20:28 (UTC) - Expand

"You look so young!" arghhhhhh

Oh, I know. I'm in my thirties so I'm more okay with it now, but even then, I'm actually a little self-conscious of it since I know if you look young, it can be harder to be taken seriously.

It was really annoying when I was younger, though. What sixteen year old wants to be told they look their friend's little sister's age?

It's still annoying at 26 because people assume I'm in college and therefore don't take me seriously. Occasionally I still get people who think I'm a teenager, but that's mostly worn off now.

Maybe I might be ok with it in my thirties, idk. I don't really mind the concept of looking my age, but looking younger won't be such a drawback when people still start off with the assumption that I'm an independent adult, either.

My mother and grandmother were/are the queens of backhanded compliments. Before Christmas my husband changed jobs and grandma has been full of "I'm so glad you finally found a real job!" or "decent job" or "worthwhile job." because heaven forbid she give a compliment without a dig that she disapproved of his last job for whatever reason.

I do remember one time my mother telling me "That hairstyle looks so good on you, it really makes your face look less horsey and unattractive."

But it happened so often I kind of didn't pay attention, you know?

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