fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3700 ]

[ SECRET POST #3700 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3700 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is there a way to politely disengage conversation with someone who is mentally disabled and doesn't read cues?

So, at the shelter where I volunteer, there is this one young girl who comes in. She's clearly disabled in some way. And she's latched on to me. And likes to talk. A lot. Loudly. Which I'm totally willing to engage with to a point. But when I need to go, I never know how to disengage. I try to say I have to go, but she starts talking again. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

You say you volunteer - but is thee someone in charge there, or perhaps not in charge but who knows more about phychology, who could help you with that?

This is an animal shelter, so I doubt it. This girl is a volunteer too. And when I'm in one room playing with the cats, she always sits down next to me and starts talking.

That's a tough one. :/ You COULD talk to her/your supervisor. I know it's hard without sounding like a jerk*, but I think you put it perfectly here. You understand it's not her fault, you're happy to talk to her, but you don't know how to get her to understand you have to go.

*Not that I think you're being a jerk.

How young? I figure that will be relevant to responses. I would maybe try something along the lines, "Can you keep telling me this later/tomorrow? I would love to hear more, but I need to go do _____ now." but idk

I'm not actually sure. She looks late teens/maybe early 20s. And the thing is, when I start to say that I need to go, she'll start talking about something else.

"It was great talking to you, but I have to go. No, I really have to go now. See you next time!"

Have you tried walking away as soon as you say that? And then if she starts talking again, just wave and say next time, or something?

That just feels a bit rude? I don't know.

It's not rude! You have other things to do!

A little, but I think it's downplayed if you smile/wave/tell them you'll hear more tomorrow/next time/whatever...but I think if they don't get normal social cues, the next best thing is to be as direct as possible.

I don't really think it's rude. It's insistent and sometimes you just have to be that way. I can't tell you how many times I've been caught by a coworker who just wouldn't let up. Finally I just had to let her get to a pause, say "that's nice (or something appropriate), have a great night" and just go.

And yeah at first it felt a litttle more abrupt than I'm generally comfortable being but I got over it and it ended up way better than being bel hostage in a conversation I don't want to be in.

Edited 2017-02-19 23:46 (UTC)

Just politely say you remembered something you had to do:

"Oh, I'm sorry! There's an errand/chore/thing I have to go do right now! It was nice talking with you! We'll talk more later"

And then leave without allowing them time to keep you further engaged.

Just get a spray bottle full of water and whenever she starts "talking" to you give her a quick spritz and loudly say no. Or maybe a laser pointer and shine it at a wall until she forgets about yuo.

Don't be gauche, bro.

As someone who has worked with mentally disabled clients, I know it's hard to balance supporting the person in positive interaction and trying to guide them to not be, well, annoying. It's not easy when the person is not technically doing anything wrong and is just being friendly, but social cues are important.

I recommend physically walking away, if possible. Smile and say something like, "Well, nice talking to you, but I have to do a few things. Take care!" It can be friendly, but also make it sound like the conversation is done.

If you can't do that, disengaging by using your smartphone is honestly one of our other methods. No need to be outright rude, but show that you are busy or are multitasking and can't really pay attention to them.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3700 ]

Is there a way to disengage?

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