[ SECRET POST #3755 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3755 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 50 secrets from Secret Submission Post #536.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[(Anonymous)]

About the second one: I would never, ever invite myself to someone's wedding and therefore would never say anything that I felt might imply I wanted to be invited or that I assumed I would be invited, because I would be mortified at the thought of people either having to invite me because they felt they had to or having to have the awkward "Um, we could only invite so many people... and you're not one of them" talk with me. At most, I'd try to get back in touch and say "Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!" all the while feelimg anxious that someone might think I was angling for an invite.

But, I would never bitch at someone after the fact about not being invited.

I have not been invited to the weddings of several people I felt I was close to (it hurt, but I don't know how they had to prioritize) but I have been invited to the weddings of several people I felt I barely knew. I dunno.

Re: Sad (and/or stupid) reasons you've let go of friendships

[replicantangel]

I understand why you'd never invite yourself to a wedding or assume that you'll be invited, but she literally had not spoken to me in years, not even to say anything when I first became engaged. I had no idea she was even interested.

I did actually have one friend express surprise and a bit of offense when he learned his parents hadn't been invited. I knew them fairly well, so I just shrugged and said I'd invite them. I hadn't thought they'd be interested either, but they came and even gave us a lovely present that I still use to this day.

Here's the thing about weddings - usually the single most expensive item is the catering, which depends largely on the number of people you invite. If you're on a budget (which we most *definitely* were), you have to lay out some rules for yourself because that stuff adds up fast. My family is fairly small, and just my beginning list of relatives on the Must Invite list numbered over 30. So my rule for friends was that I or my husband must have spoken to the person within the last year.

Some people want everyone and their dog to be there. Some people don't want to offend this one set of people, so they can't invite this other set of people either (so they can fairly say, "oh, it was only immediate family and best friends!"). Some people just want to maximize present-giving obligations on potential guests. Some people feel the need to cut friends because their family overwhelms the list. It's such a mixed bag. But the one thing I learned from planning my own wedding was not to be offended when I'm not invited, because you're totally right - people have to prioritize and budget. I suspect that when/if my friend marries, she may learn why what she said to me was so unreasonable. But I'm still not holding my breath for an apology or a rekindling of friendship.