[ SECRET POST #3767 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #3767 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[HBO's Silicon Valley]


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[Princess Nightmare]


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[Little Witch Academia]


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[Broadchurch, Mark Latimer]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 12 secrets from Secret Submission Post #538.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[illiadandoddity]

I'm not familiar with this series, so I can't speak to the specifics of it, but, Jesus Christ, OP, have you ever lost a loved one? Especially a close family member? That sort of grief can destroy a person. It's been over two years since my dad died, and I'm only just now beginning to come out of my grief fog from that, because the way we lost him was a painful, traumatic ordeal for the ENTIRE family.

And that was my parent, OP. With your parents, you kind of expect to lose them some day, so you're in some ways prepared to have that grief dropped on your shoulders. But in the modern world, losing a child? That's not a kind of loss that anyone prepares themselves for anymore, because child mortality rates have dropped so much. Losing a child feels like it's going against the natural order of the world.

This secret just sounds like you seriously lack empathy.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not the OP, and I get what you're saying, but if the character in question has two other kids who are dependent on him who he's ignoring in favor of his grief, that's a completely different situation from yours. Parents have a responsibility to their kids, especially young kids, in a way that kids don't have toward their parents.

[(Anonymous)]

You say "ignoring in favor of grief" like he's making a deliberate choice, but that's not the way the brain works in cases like this. It's like telling a depressed person to "just be happy."

[(Anonymous)]

No, it's like telling a depressed parent to not be visibly, angrily, bitterly depressed in front of the kids, for the sake of their children who are suffering horribly as well. As a parent, that is your responsibility to the people you birthed and pledged to support and love.

I'm not the one who said it above, but the anon above who says that depression is not an excuse for hurting others is correct.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

Well, no. You can grieve and be torn apart on the inside, but you still have the choice to do everything you can to manage that grief so you don't end up being a negligent parent to your surviving children.

This isn't about telling someone to suck it up and not be sad, it's about not being a bad parent. The first is a feeling, the second is an action. I can be horribly depressed and in pain, but I don't have to punch someone, for example. If I punch someone because I'm depressed and in pain, I should still be held accountable for my actions. It doesn't make my depression and pain invalid, but it also doesn't mean they're legitimate excuses that justifies me doing bad things to other people.

[(Anonymous)]

Other anon in this thread.

Exactly. Nobody is saying he doesn't deserve to grieve. It's what he's doing about it that's the problem.

If a family member died then I'd sure as hell grieve but if I bitterly lashed out and hurt people that's on me failing to manage myself. My grief is the reason but not a justification. People don't become unhurt because it turns out I'm grieving.

It's not wrong to say that he's not treating his children right. One can be a victim and hurtful to others at the same time.

[(Anonymous)]

This. I'm surprised there are so many people in this thread who don't seem to get this.

[(Anonymous)]

The secret doesn't say that losing a child isn't sad or that it doesn't cause terrible pain and grief. It just says that taking it out on your family (who are, BTW, also grieving just as much as you are) is selfish. I don't see anything un-empathetic about suggesting that it's bad to be a dick to your family even when you're grieving.