fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3803 ]

[ SECRET POST #3803 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3803 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

[Dramatical Murder]

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

[Agents of SHIELD]

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

[NCIS/Bull (Michael Weatherly)]

__________________________________________________

09. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #544.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Demisexuals are not an oppressed group. If your sexuality is one that society drills into you from birth is the correct paradigm for a relationship, then you don't get to claim your sexuality is marginalised. Call yourself whatever you like but you don't face discrimination like a gay, bi, trans, or asexual person does.

Probably not a controversial opinion here on F!S but man this grinds my gears.

I don't think demisexuals are an oppressed group or that demisexuality is even an orientation. It's just a label. And I have no problem with using that label if you find it useful to further categorize how you experience attraction, but whatever.

But it really grinds my gears is the opinion that this is true about demisexuality: "one that society drills into you from birth is the correct paradigm for a relationship." I guess I grew up in a different society than everyone who says that, because I was absolutely pressured to be sexually attracted to men whether or not I was in a relationship with one. (Remember demisexuality isn't about who you have sex with, it's about who's capable of turning you on.) If you didn't have a crush on at least one popular guy in school (even someone you wouldn't know personally), something was wrong with you. If you didn't get your panties soaked over Orlando Bloom or Leonardo DiCaprio or someone like that, something was wrong with you. Straight girl hormones were expected, no "deep emotional connection" required. Once again, I'm not saying this is oppression, I'm only saying the notion that demisexuality is the societal expectation is incorrect.

My understanding of demisexuality was that it purely means you can only sleep with someone once you're emotionally attached to them, which is absolutely the paradigm our society expects of any relationship. I'd never before seen anyone say demisexuality exclusively means people who don't have crushes or don't feel attraction at all until they're in a relationship.

And yes, we obviously did grow up differently. I was never, ever shamed for not having crushes on boys or male celebrities. But I was very aware that if my crushes (on other girls and female celebrities) were too obvious that I'd be in danger. Obviously my experience isn't universal but neither is yours.

I think you may have been talking to a lot of people who don't understand it. As with any orientation label, demisexuality absolutely does describe who you are or aren't attracted to, not who you do or don't have sex with.

Well, they said they were demisexuals and I had no reason to disbelieve them about their own sexuality. But yes, I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick.

You're confusing demisexual and demiromantic. Demisexual is who you want to have sex with, demiromantic is who you're emotionally attracted to.

Demisexuals may also be demiromantic, but you can be one without the other.

I'm genuinely curious and not trying to be a troll or offensive or anything, but do asexual people really face discrimination the way gay, bi, and trans people do?

Absolutely not, but the constant pressure from other people that you HAVE to find someone to fuck to be fulfilled in life, or, if you actually "out" yourself as asexual, being told that you are diseased and/or inhuman for not wanting sex can be pretty draining. I haven't personally gotten any, uh, offers to dick me better, but I hear that's not uncommon.

Ah, I see. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. People can seriously be nosy pricks sometimes.

This. If you don't like/don't want/don't give a fuck about sex, there must be something 'wrong' with you, and that's just...bullshite. Plus, annoying as fuck.

I don't... think I'm asexual, so I can't speak for them, but I hear "corrective rape" can happen to them too, so yeah, I'd say that counts.

No. Not even close.

Well, there's this: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1368430212442419

"We provide the first empirical evidence of intergroup bias against asexuals (the so-called “Group X”), a social target evaluated more negatively, viewed as less human, and less valued as contact partners, relative to heterosexuals and other sexual minorities. Heterosexuals were also willing to discriminate against asexuals (matching discrimination against homosexuals)."

Also, I agree with the things the people above me have mentioned, plus....

It can be hard to get good medical care if you actually want to be open with your doctors. They refuse to believe it's impossible you're pregnant, or think you have some hormonal issue and insist on running tests that just waste time and that you have to pay for, only to find out what they would've already known if they'd just believed you.

I've also heard stories about housing discrimination and discrimination against asexual people wanting to adopt kids although I have no personal experience with either of those things (and in full honesty, I'm kind of skeptical as to why asexuality would even come up in those situations although I've seen them mentioned a few times so I'm not going to discount them completely).

Also, if you're the type of asexual who wants a relationship and also doesn't want to have sex (it annoys me that that needs to be clarified but that's a whole other topic) it can be reallllly difficult to find someone that you're also compatible with in all those other ways that are important. Because apparently nowadays there are a ton of asexual-identified people who really want sex and don't want a non-sexual relationship (...yeah, I don't know either) so just finding someone who also identifies as asexual isn't good enough when it comes to finding someone compatible.

But just...overall feeling left out/alienated/broken. Sex/sexual attraction is treated as the #1 common human experience that everyone can relate to, and for people who DON'T relate to, it can feel so incredibly lonely.

They refuse to believe it's impossible you're pregnant

That's not something limited to asexuals, though. I'm most definitely not asexual but I haven't been in a relationship for a few years for various reasons and when I went in to have surgery they wanted me to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't pregnant despite me flat-out telling them that I hadn't had sex in almost three years so there was ZERO chance that I was going to be pregnant.

Been there too, and yeah, it's annoying. At the same time, medical malpractice suits are horribly expensive and people lie, so I see where the hospitals are coming from. I'd rather they just made you sign some kind of agreement though.

Still, I don't think this is at all an example of asexual oppression.

I'm kind of in the same boat, although I never had to take a test to prove it! I remember an episode of House where people are getting sick on a plane and he tells one woman she just feels ill because she is pregnant. She insists she isn't and he says "Have you ever had sex?" and when she doesn't deny that, he says "Then you're pregnant!" I was like "Has she EVER had sex? You know that's not hou it works, right?" Pregnancy is 40-ish weeks and if you haven't had sex in longer than that then no, you are not pregnant. Sexually active =/= constantly sexually active.

God that study. :(

Not even ace, and it's fucking surreal to me how many people try to deny ace discrimination when there's shit like that study out there.

Sorry, can't take any of this seriously. Doctors refuse to think you might not be pregnant? Welcome to the life of every woman ever. Housing discrimination and discrimination against asexuals adopting kids? Lmao, yes, because asexuality is so ~visible~ and just like two gay partners obviously in a romantic relationship trying to adopt or get housing. I'm sure when you go to the adoption agency and say "By the way, I never have any sexual urges and don't particularly want to fuck anyone" you'll totally be ripping up your chances. And if someone doesn't want to date you because you're asexual, it might just be because they actually want to have sex and there's clearly incompatibility there.

Virtually every social pressure an asexual person faces, is also social pressures that everyone else faces, gay or straight. (especially gay, with the being pressured to get heterosexually married and have kids or whatever)

Lmao, yes, because asexuality is so ~visible~ and just like two gay partners obviously in a romantic relationship trying to adopt or get housing. I'm sure when you go to the adoption agency and say "By the way, I never have any sexual urges and don't particularly want to fuck anyone" you'll totally be ripping up your chances

Which is why I said this:

I'm kind of skeptical as to why asexuality would even come up in those situations although I've seen them mentioned a few times so I'm not going to discount them completely.

The kind of discrimination gay, bi, and trans people face depends very heavily on where one lives, which makes this a hard question to answer. As a lesbian living in a city that is very LGBT friendly, I've actually seen my ace friend deal with a lot more discrimination than I've personally experiences. But that definitely is not going to be the case everywhere.

There's also the issue of what kind of discrimination we're talking about. I think ace people may be more likely to be viewed as less than human, or to have their identity denied outright. A study one of the other anons in this thread links to even suggests people are on average more put off by and avoidant of ace people than l/g/b people. But from what I've seen, no one's telling them they're going to hell or trying to shock them straight, and it's presumably very rare for an ace person to be beaten up (or killed) specifically for being ace. So the most violent and overtly hateful discrimination is undoubtedly perpetrated upon LGBT people, and obviously that counts for a lot if we're going to weigh the two sides.

People try to rape ace people straight, though, when assholes ignore their "nos" and push "how do you know you don't like it until you've tried?" to a disgusting extreme.

People try to rape anyone who isn't interested in them into liking it. Straight, gay, or otherwise.

There is no systematic rape of people identifying as asexuals, because there is no systematic oppression of asexuals, certainly not one rooted in any socio-religious history. Especially since being asexual isn't an act in the way that gay sex is.

there is no systematic oppression of asexuals

That's because most people have no idea asexuals exist, and when told they do, a large percentage of them refuse to believe it.

The kind of discrimination gay, bi, and trans people face depends very heavily on where one lives, which makes this a hard question to answer. As a lesbian living in a city that is very LGBT friendly, I've actually seen my ace friend deal with a lot more discrimination than I've personally experiences.

Yep. I also live in a city that's very LGBT friendly, and also super liberal. My gay friends have even said themselves that I get more crap for my sexuality than they do. From what I've seen, trans and gender non-conforming people get the most discrimination of out of anyone, then bisexual and asexual people, then cis gay men/lesbians...IF you live in a liberal, LGBT friendly place. I've seen so many people refuse to believe that asexuals could possibly ever face more discrimination than gay people, but it really depends on where you live.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3803 ]

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions

Re: Controversial Opinions