fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3812 ]

[ SECRET POST #3812 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3812 ⌋

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She's mid-twenties, I'm five years older, we're both living with the 'rents over the summer while waiting to move away for work come August. We're both super close to our younger sister, but somehow never really with each other.

We've never had any fights of any sort, and mostly have the same opinions on big political issues. But that's pretty much all we have in common: we're very different personality-wise, and have no common hobbies. In addition, she's always been the mature and self-reliant one, while I spent most of my twenties going with the flow while dealing with my insecurities instead of taking charge of my life. I can't shake the suspicion that she still sees me as the self-centred and honestly kinda incosiderate person I now see that I was some six, eight, ten years ago.

In the end, I guess I just have the feeling that she doesn't particularly like me, and that I'd have no trouble understanding it if she didn't particularly care for hanging around me if we weren't family. But I really do admire the person she is, and I'd like to have a personal connection with her that I can maintain even as we'll be living in different parts of the country.

So, uh... any suggestions for stuff we could at least talk about? Because I've got nothing.

wouldn't asking the younger sister for advice be more helpful since she knows you both?

She's pretty much still a teenager, and I don't think she's ever have had to even consider this kind of problem at all. She probably assumes the two of us are as close as we're both to her, and I don't want to shatter her illusions... but it'd probably be a Learning experience for us both if I do, huh.

I agree! besides, imagining myself as a teenager again, I'd feel flattered if my adult sibling relied on me for some basic advice. no harm in hitting her up for ideas, anyhow.

Second asking the younger sister for advice, while being very careful not to put her in the middle or nominate her as some sort of mediator. Maybe you can think of group activities all three of you could take part in on a regular basis?

I've thought about joining the two of them when they do stuff together, but I'm afraid it'd come across as akward since I've never shown any interest in it before (games and TV that I've never cared about, pretty much). That said, our younger sister is a lot more open for doing something just because LET'S DO SISTERLY BONDING YAY, so it's not bad idea to try to get her to sell something like that!

I can understand the concern about suddenly wanting in on their meet ups, but if it's just something as basic as watching a TV show together you don't have to love it, but can you tolerate it just as a social thing? Or try to find another show you three can marathon together?

Honestly, I think it'd be fine if you made an overture to the sister you're not close to, say that you wish you two were closer and see what she says. If she's amenable, she may have suggestions of her own. If she's not up for it, then it'll save you the trouble of trying to make that happen.

Crazy suggestion: have you tried talking to her about the things you just talked about?
I don't think you can go horribly wrong by telling your sister that you're proud of her and you want to stay in touch when you move. There are some things that can't really be communicated with smalltalk. If it's something you think you'd regret not saying, then you should say it. That's my rule with family anyway.

Or as others have suggested hanging out with your younger sister, how about finding a new activity for the three of you? Since the two of them do stuff together and you don't want to barge in, why not suggest new things to try?

I asked her to show me how to make some vegan dishes. It's a beginning!

It's definitely a good start and if it goes well you can make it a regular thing.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3812 ]

How to connect with my sister

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