fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3812 ]

[ SECRET POST #3812 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3812 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #546.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm making this thread cos I need advice, and if anyone else needs advice too.

So, I broke up w/ a guy a couple days ago and the reason was largely that I have some mental issues such as fear of commitment and not feeling like i deserved any sort of happy relationship (I've been abused before heh) and I thought it would effect the way I acted and the way I treated him.

But I've recently wondered if it was a mistake, if I just thought that as a way to hurt myself, and if I should call him to talk about things, but would calling him just be leading him on? Would that be selfish of me? Would it be better to just let it lie? I honestly don't know. Any advice?

I think you should just learn to chill and not be so wound up about stuff.

Full disclosure: I didn't actually read what the "problem" was, I just figure that advice is applicable anyway.

I don't think you should call him, no. I think until you yourself are in a better place, it's not going to be fair to you OR him if you keep yo-yoing around in a relationship.

Leave him alone. You're feeling regret and the break up equivalent of buyer's remorse and it may or may not pass but you haven't given yourself enough time for things to settle down and figure out what you want from life. Often people seek closure from other people, but honestly, you need to give it to yourself and NOT rely upon others to give it to you.

Or to put it bluntly, in the few days you've been broken up, have all the issues that caused you to break up with him been fixed? Probably not, right? So it's likely to end up the exact same way. Don't drag it out. Call a friend for emotional support, engage in some kind self-care and give yourself time and space from your ex so you (and he) can heal.

you can try to initiate an honest conversation about what happened if you feel strongly enough about it. but you should have resorted to communication in the first place. if he is no longer amenable to talking to you because he's trying to get over the relationship, then you have to respect that.

to conclude: yes to trying, but be mindful in how you proceed, and leave it to him to decide whether or not to follow up. (and I hope you're seeking outside help for your problems.)

Obviously, you deserve to be happy. But is getting back together with this fella going to do anything to address the underlying issues that caused you to break up with him?

She's mid-twenties, I'm five years older, we're both living with the 'rents over the summer while waiting to move away for work come August. We're both super close to our younger sister, but somehow never really with each other.

We've never had any fights of any sort, and mostly have the same opinions on big political issues. But that's pretty much all we have in common: we're very different personality-wise, and have no common hobbies. In addition, she's always been the mature and self-reliant one, while I spent most of my twenties going with the flow while dealing with my insecurities instead of taking charge of my life. I can't shake the suspicion that she still sees me as the self-centred and honestly kinda incosiderate person I now see that I was some six, eight, ten years ago.

In the end, I guess I just have the feeling that she doesn't particularly like me, and that I'd have no trouble understanding it if she didn't particularly care for hanging around me if we weren't family. But I really do admire the person she is, and I'd like to have a personal connection with her that I can maintain even as we'll be living in different parts of the country.

So, uh... any suggestions for stuff we could at least talk about? Because I've got nothing.

wouldn't asking the younger sister for advice be more helpful since she knows you both?

She's pretty much still a teenager, and I don't think she's ever have had to even consider this kind of problem at all. She probably assumes the two of us are as close as we're both to her, and I don't want to shatter her illusions... but it'd probably be a Learning experience for us both if I do, huh.

I agree! besides, imagining myself as a teenager again, I'd feel flattered if my adult sibling relied on me for some basic advice. no harm in hitting her up for ideas, anyhow.

Second asking the younger sister for advice, while being very careful not to put her in the middle or nominate her as some sort of mediator. Maybe you can think of group activities all three of you could take part in on a regular basis?

I've thought about joining the two of them when they do stuff together, but I'm afraid it'd come across as akward since I've never shown any interest in it before (games and TV that I've never cared about, pretty much). That said, our younger sister is a lot more open for doing something just because LET'S DO SISTERLY BONDING YAY, so it's not bad idea to try to get her to sell something like that!

I can understand the concern about suddenly wanting in on their meet ups, but if it's just something as basic as watching a TV show together you don't have to love it, but can you tolerate it just as a social thing? Or try to find another show you three can marathon together?

Honestly, I think it'd be fine if you made an overture to the sister you're not close to, say that you wish you two were closer and see what she says. If she's amenable, she may have suggestions of her own. If she's not up for it, then it'll save you the trouble of trying to make that happen.

Crazy suggestion: have you tried talking to her about the things you just talked about?
I don't think you can go horribly wrong by telling your sister that you're proud of her and you want to stay in touch when you move. There are some things that can't really be communicated with smalltalk. If it's something you think you'd regret not saying, then you should say it. That's my rule with family anyway.

Or as others have suggested hanging out with your younger sister, how about finding a new activity for the three of you? Since the two of them do stuff together and you don't want to barge in, why not suggest new things to try?

I asked her to show me how to make some vegan dishes. It's a beginning!

It's definitely a good start and if it goes well you can make it a regular thing.

What should I make with dill? I have some dill from a neighbor's garden and I had thought of making a "Swedish"* fish recipe I had tried before and liked, but that is for a baked fish and it has suddenly gotten way to hot to turn on the oven. I'm willing to turn on the stove, though!

*Quotes because I am skeptical about the cultural authenticity of any recipe from my grandmother and I've never researched this.

Dillis generally good in potato dishes.

As anon above me said, it's good in potato dishes, but particularly it's an integral part of German potato salad. And German potato salad also has the benefit of being delicious and cold in the summer, and not requiring an oven. This is a pretty good basic recipe although you're definitely going to want to add bacon:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/german-potato-salad-with-dill-51236500

it's also going to be good with a lot of other similar style of dishes - for instance I believe I've had a carrot salad with dill that was pretty satisfying.

This really delicious cold cucumber soup.
http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/cold-cucumber-soup-yogurt-and-dill

Or, alternately - huge dish of scrambled eggs. Delicious with sharp cheddar and dill.

(Not OP) I like to make my eggs over hard, and will add dill and paprika!

Deviled eggs without the tedious process of removing the yolks, mashing them up, etc.! Very clever. :)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3812 ]

Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: How to connect with my sister

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread