fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3816 ]

[ SECRET POST #3816 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3816 ⌋

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[iZombie]

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Huge weddings. I can understand if it's part of a cultural/religious tradition, but otherwise they only seem to make everyone unhappy.

Same. I feel similar about how expensive funerals are.

Yeah, my mom's dying and she's not religious, so I'm gonna throw a wake instead.

Yes! Why spend so much money on one day? Save the money for the marriage. Or if you really need to spend money on something, spend it on the honeymoon. I'd rather take a really awesome trip than spend a ton of money on something that, given my stage fright, I'm going to not enjoy anyway. Frankly I'd elope, but I've been told that would offend my family (and extended family). Then again, if I marry a woman, a lot of them wouldn't come anyway.

We cut loads of corners and our wedding still came in over $10k. In the end it was the cost of having all the people we loved there. But then that's all we wanted, and it was amazing having all these people there that we loved. It was the best day of my life.

And yet I would elope if I was to do it over again and save the money for a house.

I like looking at a lot of wedding planning forums, and its the fucking norm for people o have 150 guests - that isn't even considered big by some people! I can't think of 150, or even 75 people I LIKE. Me and my partner are planning to have like... 40 people maybe.

My sister's wedding was nearly 400. lol

The groom was very involved in his church and several other clubs, my sister was very involved in a few schools (school-related work), both were basically local celebrities in my hometown within the arts and theater communities. Everyone, their mom, and their children, were invited.

I just can't imagine liking or wanting that. I'm super private. Like, I will probably be stressed out by the idea of being the center of attention of 40 people I know well. :P Being surrounded by people I don't know well and having to buy them all dinner basically... Not my thing.

It's very cultural, though, also. My sister had like 500 people at her wedding, because both sides have large extended families. But our weddings are less "presentations", I think. There's the ceremony itself, but otherwise a lot of it is people hanging out with each other and dancing with each other, it's not like you have to entertain them all the whole time.

Even if you don't have to entertain them all, that's still you professing your love for someone in front of half a grand of people as they all watch you knowing you're expected have sex that night. ...And buying them dinner. The idea of paying for guests food stresses me out too.

I also have a bad or non-existant relationship with all my extended family and don't want them there, so that is also something that makes huge weddings incomprehensible for me.

RA

One thing I don't get (as I get older) is the consummation on the night of -- historically, yeah maybe I get it, but honestly? I'd probably be so tired I'd want to jump my spouse's bones another day. Or maybe not. But yeah. As friends get married, I realize I have the thought pop up once.

I feel you. fwiw I'm more familiar with it from non-American cultures (though plenty of people who come from big wedding cultures choose to make small ones, for a variety of perfectly legitimate reasons!)

I guess I always loved weddings, from when I was little. It's so exciting, and I remember thinking how the bride would look like an angel, and always be really excited when I got any acknowledgement from her XD so I guess some of that happiness stuck with me.

I understand "huge" as in a lot of people. Seems pretty typical in lots of countries for "the whole village" (metaphorically or literally) to be invited. At the core, it seems like they are an excuse for a community social event.

But the price tag is what I don't get. You know, I can even understand the tradition of the bride and groom's families pitching it to put on a great party. That doesn't seem all that boggling to me. But everything these days is so over-the-top expensive. I mean, sixty years ago weddings would've been done in church basements, potluck style. Now everything must be ridiculously fancy and expensive.

Not that I want a church basement potluck wedding, fuck no. But it seems like things could be just a little simpler.

What double sucks is most services upcharge a TON for weddings. Like ordering the same flowers for "a wedding" versus "a party" will usually be WAY more expensive. Idk why but yeah.

Not all of us are welcome at churches because icky gays so we have to book other venues.

ayrt that wasn't really the point of my comment, and I'm gay, too. My point was that weddings were more typically done at some kind of community or religious center previously. My parents had a backyard potluck where my mom, the bride, helped make sandwiches for everyone.

Seriously, the alternative to "church basement potluck wedding" isn't lavish $100,000 Disneyland resort wedding.

I don't know about unhappy (unless you mean bridezillas), but I just don't get the need to start the marriage with such a bang. Maybe if you're still together in 20-30 years, that'd be worth celebrating with a Disney pumpkin coach and a mile-high cake.

Man, when you don't want kids and are gay to boot, it changes things, I feel. Here's me and my wife, we're fucking gay and we don't want kids, here we fuckin' are.

Weddings aren't appealing to me in general. I don't want one if I get married. Anything that gets lots of people looking at me is not something I'm interested in.

I was a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding and she and her fiance invited the whole village to their wedding. They did have their parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles help out with the costs because that was traditional, but damn, the amount of people there made me dizzy. I know my parents would want me to have a huge-ass wedding too, so if I ever get married, I'm just gonna elope.

haha I guess I'm alone in this but I love big weddings. But then I'm very extroverted, and there are so many people I want to celebrate that day with.

It doesn't have to be *glamorous*, mind. I'm all about being frugal where possible, and it's more important to me to have people I love there than to have a ridiculously pricey wedding dress or whatever. THAT shit I don't understand.

Unfortunately, when a wedding get big, it gets less intimate that way. 99.99% of the people you're supposedly celebrating the day with will get to speak to you for two minutes, tops. I've been to quite a few big weddings and while I was happy for the bride and groom, it felt really impersonal because there simply isn't enough time to hang out with everyone once your numbers reach 100+.

I guess I don't feel like weddings have to be intimate or personal for all the guests. It's a big community celebration, and you can feel like you're celebrating the couple's happiness without spending the whole night with them. I have really enjoyed weddings I've been to where I haven't spent a lot of time interacting with the couple in question and been happy to be part of the celebration.

I look seriously askance at people whose weddings costs thousands and thousands of dollars. Especially if they're not filthy rich. Why on earth would you blow that much money on one day? And why would anyone in their right mind go into debt for a wedding?

I like them.

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[ SECRET POST #3816 ]

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