fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3895 ]

[ SECRET POST #3895 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3895 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #557.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Speaking as a woman online who likes watching women fucking - men have a ton of porn produced for them just so they can watch that shit. I'm not saying no one ever shames them in certain circles, but it's also a major fucking industry where you're constantly being offered up new material.

I guess what I mean is that if women are "gatekeeping" woman-on-woman porn, it's not working worth a damn.

Not in the real world, but to someone like me who is so far into the internet I may as well be an actual digital avatar right now, I can tell you, I can't watch or read porn of any kind without feeling shameful and irrationally panic. They're not stopping us, they're just making us feel really really fucking bad about it.

Maybe you should take a little time off the internet if it's making you feel so bad. Go for a walk outside. Talk to some people who aren't digital avatars. Get a non-online hobby or job. Anything.

Nope.

1. I'd be lost at sea if I tried doing the real world thing.

2. I have a job. It's an unwanted distraction from my real life online and in videogames / comics / fiction.

2. My girlfriend is an online feminist, there's no hope of me to get out of feeling shame for my lusts. I should clarify (because she's known to spy on me on F!S) she's not a """bad""" feminist, or a ball breaker or any of that, she's not herself sex neg or radicle or any of that. She's a sweet heart, really. Best person in the world. She smells very nice. Hell she's dating me, she's got to be pretty flexible in her views of moral and immoral types of men, but yeah, there's no way of getting out of discussions that make me feel like a violator of some kind. So I hang out on 4chan, and I watch youtubers that make me feel like an OK person, and I fap to what makes me feel horny, and I try and forget that the morally correct centres of the the world think what I'm doing is an act against them.

And I do ok.

That doesn't mean I don't fucking feel it whenever I see shit about "Men watching porn is rape" or "Video games make men abusers" or all the rest of the shit.

What kind of youtubers "make you feel like an okay person?" The type that rant about how everyone is a snowflake and "triggered?"

See, I'm not sure you'd get the same thing out of these youtubers that I do, I think we'd watch the same video and I'd hear - and take to heart - the bit where they say "There is nothing wrong with liking this thing" and you'd hear and take to heart the bit where they say "So this feminist complaining about it is being a dick / snoflake / cuck / idiot. So yeah while some of them do do that whole "rant about how everyone is a snowflake and "triggered?"" some of them also talking about how it's kinda not OK to be shaming men in certain ways for certain things.

Let's put it this way, if we accept that I won't agree with everything any single youtuber says - which is true - but I still want to find a youtuber who backs up that the way I am is a perfectly ok way to be, while also saying a load of stuff I don't agree with, yes, the majority of them seems to be more on ranting anti-SJW's than ranting feminists.

Oh, you're one of those who tells other people what they do/would think.

I've actually noticed that a lot with the anti-SJW types - they're very big on telling anyone they don't agree with that "YOU think this, YOU think that." I've looked at some blogs like that, andso many of them argue that way.

Well, I'm just guessing based on you assuming and writing off the types of videos I watch as "type that rant about how everyone is a snowflake and "triggered?""

Like... Yeah, if you think that a video that would be of comfort to men is type that rant about how everyone is a snowflake and "triggered?" if that's the correlation you're making, then yeah you would, and infact sound like you already have gotten different things out of the types of videos I watch.

Maybe not, I suppose. I apologise.

Please, tell me what you were driving at with that comment?

Just that there are a lot of videos that characterise everyone they disagree with as "triggered." Which is funny to me because one does not need PTSD to disagree with someone.

I wasn't thinking that a video that "would be of comfort to men" was likely to be that type of video, but maybe one that would be of comfort to YOU (based on what I know of you as a named user who posts a lot).

Well, I mean, I was saying that I watch youtubers that make me feel better as a guy, liking the things I like, and you're assumption was that those videos "Are the type that rant about how everyone is a snowflake and "triggered?""

Like, you're arguing in pretty bad faith here, trying to say that the comment you were responding to was not something you were thinking about when you made the response.

like, I don't know if you think the insults are veiled, or if you're just hoping they're implied enough that you can claim to be making these comments in good faith, but really, it seems like you're trying to be a chore.

I wasn't trying to insult anyone?

I don't even know what "trying to be a chore" means.

I just had thought that you, personally (not men in general, since men aren't all you) were the type who'd like those kind of videos. Based on your posts here and the impression I've gotten of you as a person.

Seriously, it's not as veiled as you think it is.

To be a chore - To be a difficult person.

Well that's fine, but that right there is an assumption. I have told you I was watching something for reason X and you respond with a - lets be kind and say "Snarky" - snarky assessment of the kinda of things I watch. Then when I tell you that it's because you and me will have different take away - That was me arguing in good faith, by the way, assuming that you were genuinely saying that's what you believe X type videos are like, and not just you having a dig at me based on what you already think of me - you act like I'M the one making irrational assumptions?

Bah, why am I still talking to you.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-03 00:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-03 08:15 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-03 00:46 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-03 02:05 (UTC) - Expand

What kind of person needs youtubers to validate them?

The kind of person who has a whole fuck ton of mainstream media de-validating them? The kind that grew up with the message that the morally superior people are feminists and is aware of what a depressing amount of feminism thinks about him?

Hell, I don't need youtubers, I'll take just about anyone. I feel I have a lot of people external to me telling me "You're wrong, You're violent, You're bigoted and evil and we need to stop people like you" and yeah, when you have that, it sure is nice to have a voice, any voice - and for some reason those voices all seem to be located on youtube - telling you "No. you're good"

WHO tells you that? DO you spend a lot of time reading feminist blogs or something?

Otherwise, things must be pretty different in the UK, because I grew up hearing quite a mixed bag of opinions concerning feminism. Some older women I knew liked it. My mom thought an extreme version of a feminist was a woman who yelled at men for holding doors open. My dad complained about feminists a lot. I knew kids with varying opinions on it. Though it really didn't come up that often - those are just the times it did.

I spend a lot of time in entertainment media. I'm a gamer for a start, first of all. You read anything about games that wasn't the escapist recently?

I spend a lot of time talking about media all over the shop.

I don't read about games at all, really. Not even sure what "the escapist" is. Comes with having a life outside my computer, I guess.

This is why I think maybe you should try going outside more.

That's fair enough. I do. I talk to people about media I enjoy, I don't spend all my time on 4chan. I hear a lot of shit I wish I didn't have to remember. It's an unbelievable comfort to hear the opposite.

Are you the same person I'm arguing with up there, btw?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-03 02:09 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2017-09-03 11:20 (UTC) - Expand

I think a lot of your problems seem to stem from you having formed the opinion that feminists think male sexuality is oppressive without actually bothering to read about the ideas behind it, think critically and decide for yourself. Instead, because your first incorrect assumption triggers your anxiety, you associate feminist opinions with 'me feel bad', think that's unfair, and therefore spend your time complaining arguing about feminism on the internet and how it's bad because it's 'shaming' men. In this scenario you're the only person who is making yourself feel ashamed because you think you 'should' for some reason.

This is a you thing, not a feminist thing. Get yourself a therapist. Get some self esteem. Read some gender politics theory from a perspective where you aren't making everything about you. Realise that you can respect women and also enjoy porn. Realise you can enjoy video games/ other media and also recognise when they are catering to heterosexual men. Realise that 'feminism' is a broad church, with many strands of theory written at different times by different people for different ends. It isn't a prescriptive whole where if you subscribe to obe idea you subscrive to all of them. It intersects with other social theories in different ways. Above all, it does not exist solely to cater to your need to self flagellate.

Also, I don't know what's going on with your relationship but if you feel this strongly (and this incoherently) about feminist ideas I can't imagine what kind of weird convos you and your girlfriend are having. Do you respect her ideas? Does she respect your fragile mental state? What on earth is going on.

Get ye to some therapy Wako. Maybbe couples counselling too.

Yeah, I agree. Therapy would be better for him than youtube rants and his apparently somewhat abusive girlfriend.

abusive?!?!

Which rancid dead possums arsehole did you pull that chunk of shit out of?

I mean, seriously, the internet these days, man.

Feeling self shame may be a symptom of suppressed anger or frustration for something else.

The question is, what are you angry/frustrated at right now?

-

Also regarding the men watching porn is rape thing and vidya make men abusive etc, I was raped and yeah the guy watched porn, but his parents neglected him a lot and he had money (I knew him) so he thought he could do what he wanted, there's always an underlying issue aside from porn. I don't know if you're scared you might be A Terrible Person like all Those People on the internet say you are after all, but as long as you are humane you will be okay.

I also feel as long as you are associating with mentally healthy people you will be okay. I consume porn too and I'm female, but i have a good relationship with my mother now (and although my father I don't speak), i have 2 friends irl i hang out with for a weekend every 2 weeks and also friends online, and I don't want to rape.

I also admit I stopped visiting the internet as much aside from 4ch and here and a few forums. That helped. I deleted my tumblr too, there are very nasty people on there, it's become very intolerant and homophobic compared to 2009-2011.

Also the logic that "men are innately abusive and things just have to trigger it", regarding cases where males that play violent video games before killing or abusing, were abusers before playing those games, normally relating from neglectful or abusive childhood, since they lack empathy. Games have the ability to raise adrenaline levels, but not make someone violent.

I felt while reading your post like there is a lack of confidence in yourself that you are a decent person because of what people online have said about you (generally). You couldn't help being born a guy, or (assumedly) straight if you're not bi, haha. Most importantly you don't owe anybody anything, like apologies or groveling. And you are allowed to stick up for yourself. People see the outside appearance and make shallow assumptions and tell you what you need to do or be, but you know what you need inside more than they do.

I'm sorry to hear that people are using the name of feminism to bully you. Feminism should be about women's rights, not harassment, it should be making statements and spreading information, finding and creating equal solutions, making that equal solution accepted by or even replacing the unequal original. The fact it's being used to make you feel guilty for something you cannot help, just for being a man is sad, I'm aware it had become mainstream but it's depressing how bad it's gotten and is now associated with that.

Keep building good genuine relationships with peers and/or your self made family if you don't get along with your real one, things will improve in the long run.

Thank you for this

im sorry for what youve been through

SA who just came by to see if it reached you, and I'm glad it did! :)

Thank you for your kind words, they made me feel warm inside. I am doing well in my life right now and things are looking up for me too.

Best of luck in your life as well :)

Not everyone's going to like your choices, and some people are going to have opinions that don't match yours. The vast majority of the world still thinks porn is fine and expects men to watch it. If you're putting so much emphasis on an extreme minority of criticism, one that usually never makes its way into the mainstream, then maybe there's a reason for that, which you're best placed to work out yourself.

(Also if your girlfriend is literally calling you a rapist you need to address whether you two should be in a relationship. If she's just making you feel bad, again, you need to discuss why that is together.)

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