fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3987 ]

[ SECRET POST #3987 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3987 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Yuri on Ice]

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03.

[Book Series: The Temeraire Novels by Naomi Novik]

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04.

[Orphan Black]

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05.

[South Park]

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06.

[Stranger Things]

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07.

[Smallville]

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08.

[Iron Fist, Joy/Danny]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 43 secrets from Secret Submission Post #571.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm finally done Christmas shopping! But I'm starting to have doubts about my gifts for someone.

There's a guy that I've had a crush on for over a year now. We used to work together; I've left the job but I still volunteer there. I don't think he'll ever return my feelings, but I like him as a friend too, and I wanted to get him something nice for Christmas.

All together I got him:

- A tin of fancy hot chocolate
- A CD from an obscure band we're both fans of
- An illustrated edition of the first book in a series he likes
- A card with a handwritten note saying how much I admire his work ethic/kindness, and that I hope he's having a good Christmas

Is this too much? I'm giving everyone gift-bags packed full of fun stuff, but he'll definitely be getting the nicest gift. He's reacted well to the gifts I've gotten him in the past, even the slightly pricey ones, but I don't know if my crush has made me go overboard without realizing it. I really don't want to make him uncomfortable.

Uh, that seems like way too much to me. Are you two actually friends who hang out on a regular basis outside of professional environments? Because even if you do and you've gotten pretty close this is still a lot of stuff. I'd be surprised if a former co-worker gave me ANY sort of present, much less multiple presents. I think it's very, very likely you're going overboard without realizing it.

No, we don't hang out, we just talk whenever I come by or help him with work. I've actually bought everyone there multiple things for their birthdays, including people I didn't ever work with, and people seemed surprised at first but now I think they expect it. My old coworkers have called me a "fairy godmother" and said they wanted to adopt me haha. I got this guy a couple of gifts for his birthday earlier this year, including a $20 gift-card, and he seemed really happy and hugged me, so I think he's okay with getting gifts in general. Should I not include one of things above? The book is the most expensive.

I guess if there's a history of you doing this for other people, it makes it a little less weird but it's still quite a large gift for a co-worker. Sometimes people feel awkward about things like this because they worry they're expected to reciprocate. If you have the money to spend, great! But if you could use the money elsewhere any combo of the first three items would be more than enough, IMO.

Is there a particular reason why you don't just ask this guy out?

I've been doing this for a while, so I hope everyone understands at this point that I don't expect anything out of it! I'd feel awful if anyone thought there were strings attached my gifts. :(

I spend most of my money on other people, tbh. Seeing them happy makes me happy, and putting their presents together feels productive and relieves stress.

I would love to ask him out, but there's actually an age gap. He's sixteen years older than me. I found out after I started liking him and it was huge shock because he looks really close to my age! I think I'd still give it a shot since we get along well and he's a really good guy, but I don't think he'll ever see me that way and I've accepted that. I hope I can just continue being friendly with him; seeing him happy is enough for me.

Something to consume, a cd of music you both like, and a book - doesn't sound like too much to me. Sounds like you're a good friend who likes someone a bit more than most.

I say - don't worry about it. Enjoy giving something you know they'll like, and don't stress.

Okay, that's what I was hoping! Thank you!

That doesn't seem like too much to me.

I'm glad! Thank you!

nayrt

Okay, now *I* feel like I'm the weird one who doesn't buy multiple presents for a former co-worker. For a close friend, yeah. Co-worker I like... no.

Same, and I'd feel weird getting that much from a former co-worker too. Maybe we're just grinches.

No, I think you're both normal and have good points! I'm definitely the weird one here. I tend go out of my way when giving gifts because it's the only way I know how to express affection; I'm not very good at doing it verbally or physically. I also never say no when asked for favors, and I over-tip, which I've been told I'm weird for doing, but I like to make people happy.

I'm just hoping I'll come off as "cute and nice" weird and not "creepy" weird. I'm thinking about dropping the hot chocolate since I haven't actually bought it yet. I might still get rid of the book though. Ugh, I wish I was better at this.

I think to me it'd depend on your level of interactions, are the gifts you're giving more excessive than gifts you give to people with the same level of interaction?

Also, I feel like the book would be the only over the top thing for me since special editions do tend to get pricy.

Yep, the book was the most expensive. The other things were fairly cheap though, so I hope that evens it out?

I'm getting all of my old coworkers gifts, because I genuinely like all of them, but his gift is probably the nicest. Tbh, I think I already let my favoritism show when I brought back souvenirs from vacation; everyone else got one gift each and he got two haha.

Honestly, I'd drop the book. With it included, it really seems like too much.

Do you think it's just the book that's the issue, or could I leave out one of the other things? I was thinking about not including the hot chocolate, but if the book is still too much, I could keep it for myself.

The hot chocolate and the CD together would ping me as 'how lovely'. I'd leave the book until another giftgiving time. The book's time will come.

Also, I think you're very sweet, OP.

Okay! I actually wanted to read the book anyway, since he's been recommending the series, so maybe I could take really really good care of it and wait for a good time to give it to him?

And thank you very much!! I just try my best to help other people feel happy. This guy works very hard and is nice to everyone he meets; it's a pleasure to know him, so I wanted to show him he's appreciated.

This is definitely more than I'd give even to a current co-worker I consider a work-friend, and who feels the same about me, never mind a former co-worker.

However, if you're giving other people there gifts and not singling him out, it would be less weird (although that depends on how noticeable it is that his gift is so much nicer). Also, if he's reacted well and wasn't just uncomfortably polite, then that's a good sign.

If it were me, I'd just go with the CD and the card.

Thank you for the advice! I'm going to leave out the hot chocolate, and I'll keep thinking about the book. I've already bought it, so it's either going to him or staying with me. It's a good thing I shopped early this year so I have time to decide.

I can generally tell if I've made someone uncomfortable (and then proceed to feel guilty about it for the rest of my life lol), and I've never gotten that vibe from him. We've exchanged candy and stuff before, just randomly and not part of the holidays. He's always happy when I bring him things and tends to give me hugs in return. I guess it's possible he just feels sorry for me haha, but I hope not. :)

I think it's a bit much, yes. Reading through the comments, I see that the book is the most expensive? Maybe consider dropping that one if you can. Hot cocoa mix and a CD would already be a really nice gift for a co-worker, and I'd say the card is fine as long as you're doing that for all your other co-workers as well. I'd work to make his gift NOT conspicuously stand out as being more items, more expensive, or more personalized than the gifts you're giving everyone else.

Yeah, I think I'll hold back on the book. I'm not writing cards for anyone else, because I don't usually do that, but it'll be inside the gift and I don't think they'll be opening their presents in front of each other, so hopefully no one will notice haha.

I don't mind if my gift says "You're one of my favorite people!" but I don't want it to say "I'm obsessed with you" or anything like that, so it's probably a good idea to not make it stand out too much. I try to be subtle, but sometimes my feelings get the better of me. Thank you for the advice!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #3987 ]

Gifts for Crush

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