fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3994 ]

[ SECRET POST #3994 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3994 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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I'm a fucking failure at everything. I'm sick of my job, but I hate that I'm so fucking failing at it too. I have nothing else and no support system, if I lose this job then this is it, but I can't stay here. I just feel like just asking for help is going to land me into that position of "what? You can't handle your responsibilities? Well fuck you, you aren't a good fit, so get the hell out of here" and that just isn't something I need right now. fml

First off, you're not a failure. You're struggling and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Any position that gives someone that kind of shit for asking for support is somewhere you shouldn't be anyway. I don't know the ins and outs of your circumstances but if you're having trouble managing your job then you shouldn't be afraid to seek help with it; most companies would rather you admit that you need support rather than try and muddle through hoping for the best. No job is worth feeling this miserable. You need to come first. Wishing you the best. x

The trouble is, there's supposed to be some degree of help but it seems like everyone is too busy to actually help. I just hope it's my imagination, but whenever someone asks me if I can keep an eye on something, I actually do and step in when needed. But everyone else just seems to assume someone else is going to step in and do all the work, or that they don't have to do the work of monitoring anything. I try to ask when I need help, but some days that seems like all I'm ever doing, and I fall behind on other stuff until it gets so overwhelming that I need five times the help to get me out than I would need if I had just had help in the first place. If that makes sense. Maybe I'm just dumb and don't know how to manage my time and resources. But I don't want to be that person who can't do shit on their own either.

The worst part is I warned the boss about not dropping more work on my lap. The boss is typically an easygoing person but it sounds like there's a lot of heavy stuff going on at the moment someone else's duties are falling to me. Which is fine if nothing else is going on, but the fires I'm originally supposed to be monitoring on MY end are getting out of control and I can't put those out. And when it gets this bad, I just... freeze. My brain shuts down. And it's probably worse because my primary focus is no longer on my original duties, so I can barely remember/competently handle the process that goes there.

I feel like such an asshole who's greedy and lazy because I've asked for so much time off already for other things, it's like with all that vacation time, shouldn't I have already recharged and be taking care of issues like they're nothing?

I also worry because some folks were recently let go in my department for not being a good fit at their jobs. I interpreted that as some serious writing on the wall, so I stupidly jumped on a position I knew I could barely handle as is, thinking if I had stayed where I was, it wouldn't be long before I was either pressured or chucked outside.

For the record, the company doesn't have a history of doing shady shit, but I've seen some mysterious decision made, and it was usually by the new guy who has the power to make that decision.

I know some of what I'm saying isn't rational, but I feel isolated where I am, and nobody ever fucking checks on me or asks me how I'm doing. I guess I could say how I'm doing regardless but it feels like everyone is too busy to listen or else maybe I'm not making enough of a damn stink. But if I do make enough of a damn stink, I fear the consequences. That's probably due to an abusive upbringing though.

Anyway, teel deer: I had one set of duties. Someone else's duties landed in my lap and I have trouble focusing on both, and now it's getting worse. I fear the consequences of bringing it up and admitting I can't do the work. (Although every day I keep testing the waters more indicating there is a problem but so far no response.)

Thanks for listening to all this rambling.

You're not dumb or greedy or lazy or any of that other stuff. It sounds like your colleagues are also overwhelmed and are dumping work on you because they won't get pulled up on it, while neglecting their own duties and leaving you to pick up the slack. It's completely normal to be stressed out when you're managing two or more people's workloads on your own.

Please talk to your manager again and let them know you're being given more than your fair share of the duties.

I'm not painting a fair pictures of my coworkers, I think. It isn't that they're neglecting their duties, it's more like they're taking on more duties due to the direction the company is going and can't keep up with their current duties.

I was able to e-mail my boss again and they were receptive to what I had to say and even suggested they would bring on another person... I do have a concern that the person they intend to bring on has a lot of duties themselves, so how much that will fix the problem and for now long, I don't know. But for now, there's that.

Thanks for listening.

You're not a failure. That's the depression trying to suck everything out of you. It's not true and it's a horrible illness that doesn't deserve to be listened to.

Asking for help is something you should do. There are anti-discrimination laws and layers upon layers of regulations that are meant to help employees deal with this kind of thing. If you work for a bigger company they might have some employee counselling services.

I know it seems hopeless right now but it isn't. xxxxxxx

This is probably not what you want to hear, but if I were you I would start applying for new jobs. Not because I think you're going to get fired. That sounds unlikely, based on what you've said, because they can't afford to lose someone who is willing to pull extra weight. You should start looking at other jobs because the one you have makes you so unhappy.

It is possible that you aren't a good fit for the one you're in, and that's why you're miserable. Even if you would be awesome at this job if you worked for a more hands-on manager or more supportive coworkers, it doesn't seem to be working out for you under your current circumstances. This is not your fault. It is not your fault at all. But waiting for other people to change is frustrating and usually not that effective. There are probably places that you can work that are more suited to you, where you can actually develop professionally and not just get thrown off the deep end and buried in other people's work. I wish you the best of luck.

I know I'm not a good fit here. I've always known. So in a way, it is my fault for staying here. But what I really want isn't realistic so I have nothing else. It's either this, or another job I don't want to be in, or end up on the street because I have zero support. I'm not even really angry they're pulling this kind of stuff, it's more like I'm angry because I know the truth of how things are and this is forcing me to look at it and acknowledge it and I can't turn away from it anymore. I can't turn away but I can't do anything about it either.

Sorry for sounding whiny and negative as shit. I do appreciate you listening and replying but I just don't think I'm in a position to be helped in the way I need to be helped. Or maybe it's just "want to be" because it's apparently common knowledge that you're not supposed to enjoy your job, it's just a job that gives you the money you need to do other stuff you like. (Which I have never understood because how could one possibly be motivated to be any good at their job if they don't at least enjoy some parts of it?)

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