[ SECRET POST #4022 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4022 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 45 secrets from Secret Submission Post #576.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Things you straight up do not get.

[(Anonymous)]

Romantic asexual here.

Ideally, for a romantic person, a life partner or possibly a child would be would be the #1 top priority person in your life. Even the bestest best of BFFs, no matter how much you platonically love them, is not, generally speaking, going to be in that position. Again generally speaking, it's also unrealistic to expect that you are the #1 priority person in your BFF's life, because they too would probably have a family of their own and you can't expect them to ditch their partner and family for you in a crisis or, again ideally speaking, be there for you your entire life above everyone else.

This doesn't mean you love the friend any less platonically. But they aren't beholden to you or you to them in the way you and a romantic partner would be to each other. The expectations and priority levels are are different, and intimacy and trust levels change to suit the above. There are things you could trust a life partner with that you couldn't trust a best friend with and vice versa, but if you were going to adopt them into your family, one would be as a spouse and the other would be more as a sister or brother, and there is definitely a difference in a sibling-like partnership or a spousal partnership, even if you remove sex from it.

I guess it's the difference between "BFF, I love you platonically and want you to be part of my life and vice versa for the rest of my life, but recognize that you have your own life and priorities and we are like two sisters with families of their own" and "romantic partner, I want our lives to intertwine and move forward as a joint venture with each other as top priorities for as long as this lasts."

Emotionally speaking, friendship is parallel lines, and romance is a double helix.

Re: Things you straight up do not get.

[soldatsasha]

Yeah I think this is a pretty good explanation.

For me, romantic love and familial/platonic love are two different emotions. It's hard to describe the differences between them, but the differences exist and can't just be chalked up to "one involves sex and the other doesn't." (Which is an explanation I've seen a lot, but it doesn't even make sense, since people can feel sexual attraction to people they aren't in love with, and people can be in love with people they aren't sexually attracted to. And both of those scenarios are so common that your average person wouldn't find them surprising at all.)

I hate to say it because I don't want to sound like I'm shitting on friendships, but for me and I think for most people, romantic love is way more intense and generally more "important" because of that. Like you said, the priority levels are different.

I guess for me the biggest difference would be, with a friend my brain is saying "I like this person we should keep them around" and with romantic love my brain is making a fucking commitment and going "RIDE OR DIE MOTHERFUCKER".

Re: Things you straight up do not get.

[(Anonymous)]

NYART (actually I'm the anon below) and I would say it's not actually that romantic love is more intense or more important for me, I have friends I consider equally as important to me as my romantic partner. And I'm sure for some people, they care about friends more than romantic partners, and other people care about romantic partners more than friends - so there isn't really a given or set priority of importance for everyone.

I would say personally I experience it like, to a friend I might go 'I care deeply about you!' and to a romantic partner I would go 'I care deeply about having you in my life forever!' Which is a lot more... intertwined. I wouldn't ask something like that of a friend, but I would for someone I was romantically involved with.