[ SECRET POST #4042 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4042 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
[Louisa May Alcott, Eight Cousins]


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03.
[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure]


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04.
[Mickey Rourke (and Kim Basinger even though the secret's not about her)]


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05.
[Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero]


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06.
[Welcome to the Ballroom]


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07.
[Crazy Ex Girlfriend]











Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 44 secrets from Secret Submission Post #579.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[soldatsasha]

I used to hate this trope because I was 100% certain I would never ever want children (and I still do hate it to some extent depending on how it's handled), but the older I've gotten the more tolerable it gets especially as I'm now experiencing it myself.

It's a very relatable trope for a lot of people, and I suspect especially so for older people. Even if they don't ever deal with that whole biological clock thing, plenty of people have some sort of equivalent midlife crisis when they realize that they've changed over time and spent decades building one life when ultimately they wound up wanting another. It's really easy to say that you never want kids or you want to focus on your career when you're a teenager or twenty-something, but dealing with regret about it decades later is hard and often painful. Having kids and not having kids are both decisions that can't be undone after a certain point.

[kutsuwamushi]

dealing with regret about it decades later is hard and often painful.

Every major decision that you make can lead to regret later in life. But the way that you write this comment makes it seem like regret over not having kids, specifically, is something that we'll all experience.

I've never wanted kids, and that hasn't changed as I've gotten older. The only "regret" I have is that our society expects everyone to have relatives that will take care of them in their old age - but I'm the end of the family line, so. (Not that having kids is a guarantee; kids can die before their parents, have problems in their own life that prevent them from being carers, relationships can sour, etc.)

The problem isn't that there are a lot of nuanced, thoughtful representations of women who decide to change their life course, or reflect on what their life could have been. It's more that... there's this bag of tropes related to women that writers reach for, and a lot of them reflect attitudes that can be annoying or harmful. One that particularly irritates me is when a woman deciding to have a family is part of her becoming a better or happier person - when it's portrayed as though her earlier decision not to have children was "wrong" or due to a character flaw like selfishness. Not just... a change in plans.

I think this is changing, though. The reactions I get, even from parents, are more accepting and it seems like I can think of more characters that don't get stuffed into this mold.

[soldatsasha]

But the way that you write this comment makes it seem like regret over not having kids, specifically, is something that we'll all experience.

Actually I was trying to say the exact opposite.

My point was that even if someone never experiences regretting having/not having kids, they'll almost certainly experience some other major life choice regret at some point. Which means that even if a viewer hasn't experienced that exact scenario, they can sympathize with the broader pattern of regrets and the panic and the scramble to correct course at the last minute.

[kutsuwamushi]

Sure. But the problem is when the specific stories being told about regret or changing one's mind prop up stereotypes. That's why I said I'm particularly annoyed by stories that portray a woman's choice not to have children as a selfish mistake.

Or, here's another way of looking at it. I'm reaching the age where I'm pretty sure I'll never be a doctor. It's not impossible, but my age and the amount of schooling involved means that it's no longer likely. That's a regret that I have.

I'm probably going to see ten "regret over not having kids / not prioritizing romance or family" plotlines before I ever see a "regret over choosing a different career" plotline.

[(Anonymous)]

...you're a dude. You could have a kid at 70 like Mick Jagger did if you want. Why are you worrying about that stuff?