[ SECRET POST #4042 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4042 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
[Louisa May Alcott, Eight Cousins]


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03.
[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure]


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04.
[Mickey Rourke (and Kim Basinger even though the secret's not about her)]


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05.
[Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero]


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06.
[Welcome to the Ballroom]


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07.
[Crazy Ex Girlfriend]











Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 44 secrets from Secret Submission Post #579.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: From secret #1

[(Anonymous)]

I don't have them. As to whether I want them: it's complicated, but mostly no, I guess?

When I was a lot younger, I thought I did, but, like many young people, I really hadn't given serious thought to whether it was something I actually *wanted* or just something I assumed I would want or assumed would happen. Up through college it was easy not to think about it, because not only did I have plenty of time, but there were plenty of reasons why it was obviously not a good idea right at that time. In grad school, as some of my friends started having kids or mentioning their plans to have kids before long, and as my first serious relationship failed, I slowly became aware that yes, I was an adult now, and no longer had the excuse of being "too young." Shortly after grad school, when my opportunities to meet a partner seemed diminished and I had very little money, I started to secretly panic over the fact that even though I still had time, I wasn't on a track to being in a situation where having kids was a viable option.

I started to give the idea of kids more serious thought and decided that no, I didn't want any. For years, that was my position.

Now, at 38, I wouldn't exactly say I've changed my mind or felt the biological clock ticking, but as the time ahead of me in which having kids is even possible shrinks further and further, I've become less adamant about not wanting kids and started to wonder if maybe I just convinced myself I didn't so I wouldn't be sad if I never managed to have the opportunity, and as long as the possibility was still there, I didn't have to think about it. That makes me worried I might come to regret not having kids.

The best conclusion that I can come to is that I still definitely don't want kids the way my life is organized now: single, not making enough money to support a baby on my own, my parents live far away and I don't have much in the way of a locally-based support network, and I travel a lot for my job, occasionally for months at a time. I also don't want to go to the effort it would take to re-arrange my life so I could be in a position to have a baby on my own, either, since 1) I love my job and my field, 2) finding a higher-paying job that is single-mom friendly with generous parental leave and so on is easier said than done, and 3) what if I went through all that and couldn't get pregnant or approved for adoption?

I'm open to the possibility of still having kids, if I meet someone to have them with, but I like to think I won't deeply regret it if I don't (or if I meet someone and we decide not to have kids, or we try and we can't). On top of all that, I'm not thrilled about the idea of being pregnant, and I can't imagine it's any easier on the body at 38+ than it is for younger women. I might not mind adopting or fostering (with a partner) or becoming a step mom (although I have enough friends and relatives who are stepmothers to know that can be a tough position depending on the situation with the bio-mom, and I don't want to be doing the work of a mother while being treated like some kind of interloper in someone else's family, or stuck living some place where I have no career prospects because my hypothetical husband has to stay close to where his ex-wife chooses to live).

So, yeah, complicated.