fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4043 ]

[ SECRET POST #4043 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4043 ⌋

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I was reading this post on reddit from r/JustNoMIL and found this post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7tibft/my_mostly_mildlyno_mom_may_have_just_turned/

While I sympathize, there are so much WTFs in this. $20,000+ budget for a wedding?? I know there are people who spend even more than that, but honestly, if someone not coughing up 2K is going to put your plans in jeopardy, your wedding is too expensive and you should've planned something you could actually afford. And who the hell dreams about their bridal shower since age 14? JFC. If someone I cared about didn't have anything bigger or more ambitious to look forward to than a freaking bridal shower, I'd feel so bad for them.

Good lord. Don't do this to yourselves, people-who-want-to-get-married. It's one day out of the rest of your lives. Unless you're independently wealthy, it's insane to drop that much money on a big party that I promise you, most people will only enjoy moderately.

I love weddings, but the most fun I ever had at one happened to be a low-budget one.

Well, I'm probably biased because I don't really like weddings but the ones I've enjoyed had nothing to do with the amount of money spent. It was about the people getting married and celebrating with family and friends. I can get that at a potluck gathering or a backyard bbq... and the food will be better, too.

well said.

Same here. My friend got married on Halloween on top of a mountain as the sun was setting; the reception was in one of the park barns that they rented out, one friend did the DJing, everyone brought food, and we all wore costumes to the reception. It was fun as hell and didn't cost very much at all.

Oh, and her bachelorette party was dinner at a steakhouse and then a trip to a haunted house afterward.

All of this. Super-expensive weddings are utterly ridiculous. Save that money for a house or a car or a damn trip somewhere, jeez.

I will say keeping a wedding even under 10k can be difficult, because weddings tend to have a lot of hidden expenses - and the best ways to keep that cost down is to have a small wedding with less guests, which can be hard depending on family sizes/closeness.

THAT SAID op in the linked post is relying almost entirely on gifted money? Which is just so... weird. And kinda entitled. the mother is being a bitch though.

We spent almost that much. But not on dresses or hair or cars or any of the big ticket items. We hired somewhere for the weekend and had everyone we loved there for essentially a massive holiday/sleep over/party. It was the best day of our lives for sure and I have no regrets in spending as much as we did because to be married and celebrate with everyone I hold dear was just wonderful. Ninety friends and family and talking and dancing and singing. :) :) :)

On my death bed I certainly won't be mourning the money.

This feels like a humblebrag. So nice that you have plenty of money and can afford to spend nearly 20 grand without it affecting your financial security. Congratulations?

Da

Bitter much?

NAYRT

In this economy? Hard not to be.

I agree, but it's harder these days to have a low-budget wedding when a) there's so much societal pressure to have a "normal" wedding, i.e. an expensive one and b) even when you try to have a budget wedding, there are so many hidden costs and just the word "wedding" adds 0s to price tags.

Like unless you get your dress at Target and just have a barbecue in your backyard, it's really tough to keep it cheap. Venues are expensive. If you want to invite all your family and friends, you need somewhere you can fit them all. You're generally expected then to serve them dinner (for a nice dinner, expect catering to easily run $70 a plate) and have some kind of dance or other nice reception. That, plus an actual wedding dress (you can get one for under $500, but that's a bargain and $500 is still $500), decorations (flowers are fucking expensive), nice pictures (because photos are the only thing that is actually going to last forever here, so that's probably worth investing in a proper photographer instead of smartphones)... an expensive wedding isn't always a case of bridezillas going nuts.

Of course you can pick and choose and hunt for deals. But planning weddings is a lot of work and stressful as fuck, eventually it seems a lot of couples just throw their hands up and go "fuck it" and load up those credit cards.

If you choose to cave in to "societal pressure" to have a big wedding, then sure it's expensive. But it's not that hard to NOT cave. Lots of people don't have expensive weddings.

Depends on what you count as expensive. If you're doing the aforementioned backyard barbecue wedding + Target dress, sure, you can do it on the cheap.

If you want to get married in a venue you have to rent and plan to host a dinner/dance, then you are going to spend a couple grand at least. Not all weddings are $20,000+, but even cheaper weddings are going to be somewhat expensive. But then, I also don't think it's particularly weird to put a little money into hosting a nice party for a very special event.

Definitely. I've been to small weddings, budget weddings, backyard weddings, and weddings that were just a reception/party (my high school best friend didn't have a wedding ceremony - just went down to the courthouse - and then her "wedding" was a casual backyard party) but ALL those weddings cost a surprising chunk of money. Food costs money. If the event is even partially catered, that will cost you. If you want to buy a bunch of food and prepare it yourself, that will cost you. Professional wedding cake? hat will definitely cost you, even if it's small and simple. Yes, venues are not cheap, even outdoor spaces. My cousin got married on the lawn of the corporate building where my aunt works because my aunt was able to finagle free use of the space. They couldn't afford anything else.

I absolutely reccomend spending money on a decent photographer. Don't hire a friend unless they can show you a portfolio. My parents' wedding photographer was my grandparents' neighbor who was "good with a camera" and their wedding photos are shit. My aunt did the "Everyone just take lots of photos and send them to me!" thing and her wedding photos are also shit.

I can’t even imagine spending $20k on a wedding unless my hypothetical husband wanted to invite 100+ people. I can think of maybe 15-20 people I’d invite, and that’s a high estimate. I’d probably do a backyard wedding and a beach potluck reception and make my own dress. If I was gonna spend $20k on anything wedding related it’d be the honeymoon, but even that seems wasteful.

I'm always jealous of those people who say "My friend Susan is a florist so she offered to do all the flowers for free as a wedding gift! My friend Andy is a DJ so he offered to bring his equipment and be our DJ for free as a wedding gift!" and so on. My cousin's wedding was like that (although they still spent a bunch of money on it because they invited a lot of people) and I swear she must have spent several years going around purposefully making friends with people who could become free wedding vendors. I don't know any florists. I have a friend who works as a psychologist for the state prison system, so... yay?

I have a friend who works as a psychologist for the state prison system, so... yay?

Free guests for your wedding!

Her mother essentially stole what was supposed to be her grandmother's gift to her and lied about it. I'm on her side and I don't think the fact that they were still being given a bunch of money to throw a wedding is relevant.

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[ SECRET POST #4043 ]

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