fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4043 ]

[ SECRET POST #4043 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4043 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 37 secrets from Secret Submission Post #579.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You know the drill.

I took an overdose. I'm really disappointed in myself. It doesn't seem to have done me any harm since I stopped before I went way, way overboard like the last time. It was very soft alcohol, a single prescription painkiller, and a blister pack of Ibufrofen. I tried to cut but couldn't get the razor out of the safety casing so just cut fingers and scratches.

As far as anyone who loves me is aware I do have anxiety and depression but they've been under control for a while now. Except recently I've been declining badly while simultaneously getting better at hiding my symptoms so no one has any idea. I just feel like a worthless failure. I'm 31. I have no long term job prospects. I'm aging out of the only work I can get. I'm probably not even going to be able to move out of my parent's house until I'm in my 40s. Everything is just an empty, pointless grind.

I'm fucking up constantly because my head's all over the place too. Accidentally broke one of my partner's favourite possessions, can't concentrate on anything anyone says to me. I'm just so so sick of this.

{{HUGS}}

I'm worse off than you and about ten years older.

I wish I'd never come out to my parents. It was more than a year ago, and every day of my life since then, I remember how it went and get a horrible wave of embarrassment. And it's not like it's because I have anything to worry about. They were supportive, like I knew they would be, because they fully support LGBTQ rights and have openly gay friends. Our relationship hasn't changed at all. I'm just embarrassed because I can't convince myself that coming out was necessary. I've never dated a woman, and I've had no interest in dating at all for years. It should be a non-issue. But for some reason I just felt like they needed to know and now I feel embarrassed for feeling that way. I even told them it probably wasn't important because of the "don't want to date" thing, and they reassured me that it was important to them as long as it was important to me to tell them. And yet with all this, I still can't stop feeling humiliated. I wonder if they think about it as much as I do and secretly wonder why the hell I thought it was important. I just feel so stupid and I don't know how to feel better.

I'm pretty sure they think about it way less than you think.

Times I have wondered "why was coming out important to my family/friend(s)?": 0

I just remember it was and that they did and I barely bother to think about that, because it's just who/what they are.

I've never wondered why coming out (to me or others) was important to someone. Never. Of course it's important. It's a part of who you are. It's a part of your self-identity.

I mean, if someone genuinely feels it's not important, that's ok too, but I think feeling that it is important for the people in your life to know this about you, and for you to know that they accept you, is entirely normal and understandable.

Parents often want to know so many trivial, seemingly irrelevant things about their kids' lives that I am SURE when they say your coming out was important to them, they meant it, anon.

Fucking migraine. I've been getting them a lot lately. Today I had to do church with my parents, a meeting, and then do a research project for an attorney. Which, I was happy to have some work, even if it was an emergency thing he gave me last night. But trying to do it all with a migraine was really hard. I'm just eating a quick dinner so I can go to bed. And it is only 6:30.

I'm pretty annoyed at this artist a friend and I commissioned back in... June or July I think? Definitely half a year ago, anyway. She is (or at least was before going inactive) a BNF in a popular fandom and got quite a few commisions because her art style is nice and she did have a fairly high output at the time. She'd occasionally hinted at some mental health issues but not that often. Then, shortly after closing her commission spots, she went completely silent on tumblr. She was still posting a lot on twitter, but it was a constant mix of selfies, pictures of outings with her friends and a lot of mental health whining (at least as much as I can tell, she only tweets in her native language). She spent all the money she got from those commissions on several things but completely stopped posting any art. Then, she recently moved and started asking for more money, opened commissions again and created a patreon where the rewards are valuable things like "virtual hugs" (that's not what patreon is for damn it, get a kofi account if you want free donations!).

Now, I'm generally a patient person and I completely understand if mental health messes with your life. But the huge problem I have with this is the lack of communication on her part. The first few months, she went completely silent and only started posting very short, general notices some time ago. The only bigger post she made was the one where she explained her situation , including the reopened commissions and patreon announcement. She keeps saying that she's still working on the commissions, but quite frankly, I almost believe she hasn't started a single one of them. And opening additional slots when not one of the old ones is done ... yeah not a great idea.
I mean, I get it, she needed money. But her prices aren't cheap and the people who paid her for this probably don't exactly swim in cash themselves. And Idon't want to ask her because I don't want to be the one mean person who gets blamed for pressuring the poor mentally ill artist or something.

But damn it, it's been over half a year and not a single personal status update. That's just frustrating.

It sounds like Ana Voog and her fraudulent ass.

Re: Vent Thread

(Anonymous) - 2018-01-29 13:15 (UTC) - Expand

lmao is this about strigas

hope you kissed that money goodbye if so, she is never in a million years going to finish the commissions she’s taken. some are over a YEAR old.

Re: Vent Thread

(Anonymous) - 2018-01-29 13:14 (UTC) - Expand

Ask her anyway. It's been half a year. You aren't being mean for asking for what you paid for. As it is, she essentially scammed you and your friend out of a lot of money.

I assume you paid through paypal or something similar? If she can't at least provide you with good progress shots and a reasonable ETA for when the project will be done, report her and do whatever the steps are to get your money back.

Re: Vent Thread

(Anonymous) - 2018-01-29 13:17 (UTC) - Expand

Bit sad only got one response for the movie thread. So the next one will probably be the last one I do. Considering this one was available for free on Youtube access to the movies isn't the problem. There just isn't any interest in it.

Aw. I'm sorry. I honestly haven't had time. A few of the past months I haven't liked the movies. But this month I really was planning on watching. I might have time tomorrow, though.

Re: Vent Thread

kaijinscendre - 2018-01-29 01:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Vent Thread

philstar22 - 2018-01-29 01:39 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Vent Thread

kaijinscendre - 2018-01-29 01:44 (UTC) - Expand

I'm sorry it didn't work out better. I'd been on fs hiatus for a while else I might have participated more.

Re: Vent Thread

kaijinscendre - 2018-01-29 01:14 (UTC) - Expand

a lot of the time movies got picked I wasn't into, but I liked the idea a lot. I'm sorry.

Re: Vent Thread

kaijinscendre - 2018-01-29 01:17 (UTC) - Expand

Pick a theme that isn't too broad or shallow - has enough movies that most people will have seen at least one. Then no one has to make time to watch anything, especially if they aren't into it. People who don't generally stream won't be left out. You can have the discussion on days you feel like it. People reading may find something they hadn't considered before. So, you could pick a director (like Chris Columbus) or actor (like Alfre Woodard) or limited genre (like 70s horror movies) and people could tell about their favorite and least favorite movie that they've seen, what they think in general of the director, actor, or genre, etc.

I've never been into the book club thing because reading a book I wouldn't pick sort of feels like homework.

Re: Maybe you could do a general movie discussion instead.

kaijinscendre - 2018-01-29 04:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Maybe you could do a general movie discussion instead.

(Anonymous) - 2018-01-29 04:29 (UTC) - Expand

Sorry, Just wasn't interested in that movie. I'll try and put in more effort in future.

I just listened to my coworker gripe for 20 minutes about the son who won't do his homework and I really had to hire my tongue to keep from saying "then put your fucking foot down!" She lets him walk all over because she doesn't want him to see that she's mad because then "he wins" but he's winning right now by not being made to do anything.

*bite not hire

oh, god, this. I see so many parents who let their kids do whatever they want because they don't want to deal with a hassle and you KNOW those kids are going to grow up to be crybaby assholes.

Parents who either don't want to or can't parent make me sad.

I hate that it's practically impossible to escape Big Corporate, in the part of the world I live in, and in my current financial situation. It seems like, if I'm not working at the rubbish chain retailer I work at, I'm shopping at some other one and it's just... is this the best I can do with life? Working at some souless place, just to have the mimimum amount of money needed to buy groceries at some other souless place? How did anyone's life become THIS?

That's adulthood for ya.

Vent Thread

Suicide TW

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Maybe you could do a general movie discussion instead.

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