fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4082 ]

[ SECRET POST #4082 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4082 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Quellcrist Falconer in Altered Carbon]

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03.

[Grace and Frankie]

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04.

[Fanart of Ashara Dayne from ASOIAF]

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05.

[Hack/Slash]

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06.

[Kevin Smith]

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07.

[Final Fantasy XIII]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 09 secrets from Secret Submission Post #584.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

People in general like thinking that their group is better, different, or more refined than others and attributing those differences to inherent traits instead of reporting bias or sociocultural factors?

This goes for both groups. Men who think women all fantasize about being dominated and women who think men all fantasize about domination are doing the same thing.

Now if we're talking about the portrayal of male fantasy in English media, that's a different issue, more to do with who has held control over the media historically (cishet white men, mostly) and what's been put on screen and portrayed as "normal" for men to desire because of that. It's kind of a chicken and egg scenario at this point; how many men would be into the same fantasies if those weren't the only acceptable ones media pushed on them since birth?

I have yet to see a straight guy admit to his group of guy friends that he likes being pegged by his hot aggressive girlfriend, even if he does, whereas expressions of enjoying being the dominant partner in a hetero relationship are generally socially acceptable and men are expected to express congratulation if a someone's gf loves being spanked or whatever it is. A girlfriend telling someone else that her boyfriend enjoys being spanked could do damage to his reputation because of social expectations.

Does that mean less men have being spanked as a kink? Or that they're less likely to be open to the idea at all? Does that mean more women have being spanked as a kink? Or that they're more likely to be open to the idea? Certainly it's more socially acceptable for men to express wanting to spank someone else, and women to express wanting to be spanked. Does that make being spanked a female kink, and spanking others a male kink? Lots of people would say so, but are they right?

It's a complicated thing.

People in general like thinking that their group is better, different, or more refined than others

Thank you for answering my question.

I will be honest, it is the answer I felt you were fishing for, so I gave it to you up front.

I feel the rest of the comment is worth a thought, however.

The rest of the comment would have held more weight with me if you had discussed how societal pressures affect both "male" and "female" fantasies. As is, it just reads like the same old patriarchy/toxic masculinity dogma that explains nothing and endlessly contradicts itself.

I did, in giving the example of spanking versus being spanked, and one being seen as male, and the other as female for the same but opposite-position reasons. It is not patriarchy or toxic masculinity precisely, but more to do with gender roles and assigned sexual roles in a heteronormative society.

I don't believe that you are having this conversation in good faith, however. The only line you quoted from me, keep in mind, applies to you as well, if you believe it to be true.

"thank you for giving me the specific answer I was looking for"

Agreed, that's what I'm thinking too. The rest of the comment read like a TLDR of "But it's different when we do it"

No, because I can write up an equally wordy version of why it's ok to shit on women who read chick lit, and how it's totally justified because they are bad and not as good as people like me and people I like. Hell, I probably don't even need to write it. I can probably find the an exact version of this on some blog talking about why "50 shades of grey is bad" and why women who like it are stupid, and it's totally not misogyny to say this because look at all my studies!

I know I've seen it talking about why the ghostbusters re-boot was garbage.

Everyone has justifications for why their behaviour is different. Its the fist thing people do after they identify a behaviour they have that they would attack in others, they justify why they are ok to do it. In the end, it boils down to the same thing:

People in general like thinking that their group is better, different, or more refined than others

Edited 2018-03-09 07:15 (UTC)

Maybe it's not quite as out there as admitting to liking being pegged, but a lot of guys seem perfectly willing to admit to an interest in snu-snu.

Damn right!

I played Darksiders 2 for the first time a few weeks back, and I almost couldn't leave the first zone because of this sexy snu-snu master: