[ SECRET POST #4133 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4133 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 45 secrets from Secret Submission Post #592.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://i.imgur.com/Fvjt4Wv.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

OP, I say this with all love, you have clinical anxiety. It doesn't matter that you've most noticed it manifesting in fandom issues, it's not silly, it's a real struggle that's affecting your ability to enjoy creative and social activities (and probably other things too). And it feels normal to you because it's how the inside of your head has been for a long time if not always, and all your habits are built around dealing with it.

But you have no idea how much weight it will take off your shoulders if you get treatment for it. How much more energy and time you will have to deal with things other than an endless parade of small terrified obsessions. How much most people, in fact, don't do this and would regard it as bizarre and incomprehensible.

It took me a couple years to really bring my anxiety down, and I wasn't the Worst Case Ever, but oh my god, my life is so much better for its absence. Please seek help if you possibility can; if mental health care isn't available for you right now, try to build a support network of people you trust who can help you with a reality check of 'this is your brain having a broken alarm system.' Sometimes just having an outside perspective can help you see and internalize the irrationality of your fears better. Sunlight disinfects.

Good luck, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

Don’t diagnose over the internet Armchair Freud.

It’s not paranoia if they’re really all out to get you. And if OP has been around for a long time they’ve definitely seen a fandom or two suddenly decide to eat their own. Add in all the rules and codes of conduct that so much of fandom seems to go by but not actually post and it’s no surprise that some people have anxiety about getting involved. It may be part of a larger issue or it may simply be a response to the behaviour they’ve witnessed.

[(Anonymous)]

HUR DUR UR NOT SPOZED TO SAY IF A PERSON HAS LEGITERAL PROBLEMS

*rolls eyes*

What would you call it if a person was clearly expressing reactions and emotions that are simply way too wonky, and these things were clearly disruptive to their personal life or well-being, or to other people?

BUT WE CAN'T DIAGNOSE OVER THE INTERNUTS

[(Anonymous)]

Wow.

[(Anonymous)]

Nah. Like sure maybe every once in a great while there's fandom wank like this, but... nah. Being aware this is a possibility is one thing, letting it keep you from participating at all is not a rational or reasonable response because it's not a rational or reasonable concern.

[(Anonymous)]

Actually, legitimate dangers and mental health problems go hand in hand all the time? Someone with PTSD might have a panic attack at the idea of going in dark allies after being mugged. The disease isn't fake because "people really are out to get you really get mugged sometimes." What makes it a disease is that panic attacks (and hypervigilance and whatever other symptoms) aren't healthy or productive responses to the knowledge of potential danger.

What makes this sound like medical anxiety is not the possibility of bad consequences or lack thereof, it's the way the those worries take over other considerations. Deciding to limit fandom engagement because of witchhunts? totally sensible option. Drafting sixteen versions of a reply, sending none of them because OP is "freaked out" - having an emotional fear reaction in the moment - and regretting it, on a habitual basis...even if it's exaggerated, that isn't healthy behavior. And worrying about "secret rules" isn't rational, at least not in the context of submitting to F!S, which has very straightforward and well-posted rules. And most importantly, OP isn't happy with their own situation, so they should know it can change.

Saying "this is anxiety" isn't a diagnosis, don't be obtuse. It's an observation. And just "anxiety" isn't even a possible diagnosis. I don't know if they have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or a different/targeted anxiety disorder or a mood or personality disorder that has social anxiety as one of its symptoms. But I do know the behavior they described and are not happy about, whether in the context of a formal diagnosis or not, is a brain glitch that can be changed with help.

Which is why I recommended they talk to someone who can give them a real diagnosis, and a real treatment plan, if at all possible. Or someone who can just help them learn healthier patterns without a diagnosis, if that's what want, because sometimes therapy is good for "I need to troubleshoot my brain even if we don't put an exact label on it".

[(Anonymous)]

Can one get black listed from fandom even? Like, sure, certain boards/communities I guess if you break rules, but all of fandom?

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, if the fandom is small enough, and if you inadvertently do something to which the BNFs take offense.

Happened to me in my last fandom. Got treated as invisible no matter what I did or how carefully I voiced my opinions. After several years of this treatment, I finally wrapped up my stories and left.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you, OP!

[(Anonymous)]

I have felt like this before (it comes and goes) and what helps me is dipping my toes anonymously. Communities that allow for anon comments, kink memes, making a throwaway Tumblr that I'll use only for a couple of weeks...

[(Anonymous)]

If this is Tumblr related, one thing I found to reduce my anxiety considerably was to avoid the tags. Try to find yourself as peaceful corner as possible with kind, reasonable people whose posts calm you down.

[(Anonymous)]

How do you find those people if you don't get in there and talk to anyone?

This is a serious question. Friends don't magically appear just because you want them. And if none of your close, quiet circle of safe friends is interested in making new friends, how do you join a new fandom? What if your small group of friends don' care about your new fandom? What if they rarely do anything to promote your posts or work, because they have no interest in getting involved in the wider aspects of fandom? They're not going to bring friends and attention to you like a mother bird with a worm.

My impression was that the OP wants to get involved, they're just afraid to. So your suggestion doesn't quite help, because it actively encourages them NOT to try and how are they supposed to make those nice fandom friends without, y'know, interacting with the fandom? The "safe circle of friends" advice requires you to first meet people who share your interests.

*this comment brought to you by someone who also wants to cast a wider net but after years and years, has no confidence left*

[(Anonymous)]

i just feel uncomfortable because of the call out culture or doxing and harassment over something stupid and trivial! your ship is bad and thus you are bad, shit like that

so i just lurk

[(Anonymous)]

Just want to say, OP, you're not alone.

[feotakahari]

It sounds like you would relate to this: http://nostalgebraist.tumblr.com/post/166680266889/i-wrote-this-post-in-february-2014-and-as-far-as

[quantumreality]

I've read it, and... I don't know. There's something about its sheer length as well as some apparently blogger-specific terminology usage that's putting me off it, and it feels like the point the writer wants to make is buried because of that.

That said, I definitely like the discussion of fundamental physics and its ... beauty? Almost.

As a quantum mechanic and dabbler in other aspects of physics (you cannot help but have to see Maxwell's Equations on the way to getting quantum electrodynamics) there is something intoxicatingly attractive about being able to write four equations that describe the essential basis behind modern technological civilization.

Or being able to write one line and say "this wave equation is what all particles must obey for quantum mechanics to make sense".

[(Anonymous)]

This sounds like a much higher level of anxiety than is warranted from the situations you're describing, and more to the point, it sounds like it's interfering with your quality of life. I think it might be time to talk to your doctor about this, OP.

Oh, and submit your secrets. There's no rule about spamming and like you said, if the secret is unsuitable, case will make that call. You don't have to sweat it.

[(Anonymous)]

I have the opposite problem. When I'm excited about something, I go charging in like a bull in a china shop. This really annoys some people - usually the type of people I wouldn't want to spend my free time with anyway. I've never been banned, but I've been ostracized sometimes, which led to meeting some really cool people over DM who also felt stifled by having to follow some silly groupthink code of behavior.

So maybe ask yourself why you would care what judgey assholes think?

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you, OP. The older I get, the more anxious I feel about dipping my toes in fandom. I used to love meta discussions, but now I feel kinda shut out whenever I try to join some. It's weird. I used to not give a damn about people shitting on my fic, but now I've got three finished ones sitting in my hard drive that I don't dare post. I do better when I'm anon, but yeah, I did retype this post three times before hitting post.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you OP. I've noticed that a lot of my fandoms seem to have moved to Discord servers, and I've been thinking about joining some and some part of me insists that no one would want me there, even though people post open invites.

Anyway, I actually got invited to a Discord server to a small fandom because someone from the server saw some stuff I posted about it and asked if i wanted to join. So I did. And I'm there and I have managed to maybe say two things, because I don't feel any of the conversations are mine to take part in. Which makes no sense, I know. I'm hoping there'll be a period of adjustment during which I can get more comfortable with it. Good thing is, I would be more anxious about leaving the group and "burning" all my ties to that fandom, so I guess I'm staying, hah. :D

I don't know if I can offer any actual good advice. Hang in there OP, you are not alone!

[(Anonymous)]

I have this issue OP.

If it helps, I do have a diagnosis of Anxiety, the kind that factors into all aspects of my life, not just fandom, but it does extend to fandom, for sure. Even now, typing this I am feeling like I shouldn't post this comment as people will be negative towards me for doing so, or I will get into trouble for it somehow. But I know from my therapy that this is the anxiety talking. (doesn't make it easier, but I know.)

I'm not really at the point in my therapy where I can offer any advice about how to make it better for you aside from saying you should definitely go talk to your doctor and get their opinion on Anxiety. I mostly just wanted to comment and tell you that you aren't alone and that there are probably people reading your secret and not commenting because they DO have the same issue.

(and ha, I did actually write a lot more than this, but deleted it and rewrote it a few times, and then left it at this. *eyerolls at self*)

Now all I have to do is be brave and hit Post Comment....

[(Anonymous)]

I do. But it's because I'm autistic, and it's happened to me a lot that there are unspoken rules that everyone but me understands.

Also, I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. OP, I think the commenter who suggested looking into treatment has a point, if you're in a place where you can do that. You can't really diagnose someone over the internet, but I think it would be worth at least talking to a mental health professional and getting evaluated. It sounds like this is something that's making you unhappy and keeping you from things that you'd like to do.

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn’t say that I’m anxious about fandom nowadays, but due to the rise of antis, I do have an alternate Tumlbr and AO3 account because I ship an incest ship. I probably could have shipped it without having to hide it at least 5 to 10 years ago, especially with the popularity of Wincest, but now I don’t dare to talk about it unless it’s to other people who share the same ship.

[(Anonymous)]

This is how I am with DWRP. I hope you find some way of enjoying fandom again, whatever that might be.