fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4133 ]

[ SECRET POST #4133 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4133 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 45 secrets from Secret Submission Post #592.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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What nice things have you attempted to do that backfired? (Majorly or minorly.)

- Remember when everyone said "not" sarcastically? My big sister was really self conscious about her looks, and I (being maybe seven or eight at the time) felt bad because I thought she was pretty. So I randomly told her one day, "you're ugly-"

She got pretty offended, and didn't let me finish with the "not" part. I didn't bother explaining what my intent was.

Fortunately we're still close. I was kind of a naive kid so I think she worked out one way or the other that I hadn't meant to insult her. (I should note she was much older, about eighteen, it's not like she was also a child.)

This actually happened TO me. My mother died last summer, and I tried enjoying the holidays despite everything. Which actually worked.

Except people - very kind, well meaning people - kept messaging me. How was I? It must be so HARD, but at least I can know this Christmas that she's not suffering.

No one had any idea that by trying to help me, they kept bursting the bubble that was acting as a safety helmet.

(I'm dreading Mother's Day. Seriously considering deactivating Facebook...)

Ugh, how awful. Especially the bit about not suffering anymore. If you can't think of anything better to say than that, don't bother, ffs.

AYRT - I don't even mind that. I actually didn't mind a lot of the cliche things people say they hate. It's more that there's a time and place. When I was getting ready to prepare Christmas Dinner was not the time or place.

Wow. I try to check in with people when I know they're probably going through lonely holidays, etc., but I let them be the first to bring up whatever the sensitive issue is.

I still have unopened sympathy and Christmas cards from people for precisely this reason; I didn’t and don’t need an endless procession of emotional asskicking reminders that my mom died less than a year ago.

I'm not a big greeting card person, but I know for some people it's a nice gesture they appreciate and it's relatively low effort on my part so I try to keep a few cards on hand for various occasions like birthdays, get well soon, etc. My long term partner's mother is one of those people who loves cards. Partner is not into sending them and never did before we got together. But after we got together, I started sending them to his mother (we'd both sign it) fairly regularly. Well. Last year, I forgot to mail off her birthday card and it was like, a week late. She sent this big whiny e-mail about how she was SOOOOOOOOOOO DISAPPOINTED and how could we do this to her blah blah blah was it because we were maaaaaaaaad at her blah blah blah. It was seriously over the top melodramatic and quite hypocritical because she forgets stuff all the time and nobody holds it against her because we're not assholes. When the card arrived, she did a total 180 and got all sweet again and thanked... MY PARTNER. Whose major contribution was to sign his name.

Guess who's not getting a birthday card ever again?

When my sister and I (i am also female) were teenagers, she had this one annoying dramatic friend. One day we were at the beach and A.D.F was nonstop whining about how faaaat her legs were and how uuuugggglllyyy they looked. I was tired of hearing her whine, so I told her she had perfectly nice legs hoping the compliment would make her happy and she'd quit bitching. Couple days later my sister told me that A.D.F. was going around telling people that I was a lesbian molester who was hitting on her at the beach. Bitch please, your obnoxious ass should be so lucky. Important note: where we lived, being Teh Gay (or no, like I actually am but was NOT out at the time to anyone) was something you hid if you had the common sense of bird gravel. There could have been consequences if the wrong people had believed her narcissistic ass.

*or BI like i am. No idea why it corrected to "no"

The letters are all right next to each other. That might have something to do with it.

Yeah, that kind of help has a 50/50 chance of succeeding. People like that mostly just want attention any way they can get it, be it whining or spreading rumors.

People like that that i knew in school who went on and on about how fat they were or whatever (when they so obviously were not) got on my nerves so bad. I finally just would say 'omg, you're right, you're such a whale!' or whatever, and then they'd shut up.

I let a nice old lady go before me at the bakery and she bought out the petit fours I intended to get for my mom's birthday. I bought something else, but those were my mom's favorites.

I was in my late 20s when I was working a shift alone in a clothing store. Very slow day w/no customers so I was looking out the window people-watching when some lady drops her wallet on the sidewalk and keeps walking, apparently not noticing. I ran out the door and called to her, trying to get her attention, and she kept walking. Two seconds after I did this, another woman ran into the store and started trying to grab stuff, so I ran back in and she took off real fast. Shit.

I held a door open for a little old lady at the store today and, before she went in, she looked me up and down and said, "Girls these days don't know how to dress. You have a cute face, but you'll never land a man looking like that". I felt the weirdest mixture of annoyance and confusion, especially since I actually put some effort in my appearance because I have a date today.

I'm sure in that situation I would have said nothing but I would have badly wanted to say, "Fuck you, lady" and let go of the door.

Yeah right. That's what old ladies were saying to her when she was your age.

Minor, but it still really shocked me at the time:

I was in my freshman or sophomore high school Spanish class, and there was a girl in my class who was known for being...let's say tense and short with people. So people would tease her because she was easy to set off. They were probably jealous of how smart she was. So I always made a point to try to be nice to her and say hello and be patient with her when she'd get snippy. She and I were both in honors classes, so I understood she was probably over-reacting due to stress or something.

One day in class, right as it began, our teacher was having a warm-up exercise. Five of my classmates, including this girl, put their books down and went up to the board to do some translating. Well, as the girl was at the board, our teacher said she wanted us to pass our homework up to the front. Our teacher also had a policy that if you didn't turn homework in when she called for it, you'd lose points.

Well, I noticed that the girl had left her homework out on top of her books, so I thought, "Oh, I don't want her to lose points/get no credit, so I'll pass up her paper for her! One less thing for her to worry about."

A minute later, she sits down beside me and starts moving her stuff like she's looking for something. Then she asked me where her homework was.

"Oh, I turned it in for you while you were at the board!" I said with a smile.

Good lord, you'd would've thought I told her I killed her mom!!!

She started literally screaming at me! Why did I touch her things without permission!? Why did I move her stuff!? Why did I think it was okay to violate her space!?

I kept trying to tell her that I didn't want her to lose points, and I was sorry for upsetting her, but she wouldn't listen.

She kept going on and on at full volume, and the teacher came over like, "What the fuck is happening here???"

I told her my side of the story, and she looked at the girl like she was batshit since the teacher knew I had nothing but a good intention. She kept having to tell the girl to please calm down and told the girl that she's pretty sure she'd never have to worry about me "interfering" again. (The teacher was obviously saying this to placate the girl to get her to stop her hysterics.)

I never spoke to the girl again after that.

Edited 2018-04-29 00:02 (UTC)

That sucks, but maybe there was something else going on there and that's why she overreacted. If she was bullied, maybe people liked to mess with her stuff or her parents were over critical and didn't respect her privacy, so she became very protective of anything that was hers and you were just a safe target for her anger.

That's what I assumed, but it didn't make the encounter any less surprising!

For a show, I sat in the second row of the audience so that shorter people could fill in the front row. (These were not stadium type seats, and the stage was not very high.)

A very tall idiot decides not only to go right to the front row, BUT PROCEEDS TO SIT IN FRONT OF ME WHEN THERE ARE OTHER FRONT ROW SEATS AVAILABLE.

Lesson learned.

When I apologized to one of my friends for something insensitive that I'd said to her about a month prior. She was so upset at the time that it caught me off guard and had me saying "I'm so sorry" over and over, but it felt empty and like I owed her a more "proper" apology." So about a month later I told her I wanted to talk and had this thought-out apology prepared. But when I started, she got upset with me again for bringing the issue back up. It turns out she'd forgiven me after her initial upset reaction and knew I hadn't meant to hurt her, and thought it was all in the past, so why was I reminding her again of how much it hurt at the time?

And she was right, looking at it now. My follow up apology was more to make myself feel better than for her. Our relationship itself was fine, and the only problem was my own internal guilt.

Threw thousands of dollars down a black hole trying to help a "friend" get their life together. Literally could have set the money on fire and gotten the same or better results.

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[ SECRET POST #4133 ]

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