[ SECRET POST #4133 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4133 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 45 secrets from Secret Submission Post #592.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

People always stress how rude it is to not reply and honestly that makes my anxiety about responding worse :( I have such bad social anxiety that responding to any message online will make me freeze, and now it's gotten to the point where getting comments on my fic just makes me anxious cause I start over analyzing how to respond, and then time passes and I worry it's too late and people will think I'm weird for responding days/weeks/months later, and then I don't want to respond to new comments I get cause what if the author of this comment I didn't respond to three weeks ago gets mad... and I end up responding to nothing and assuming readers hate me no matter what.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, same. Replying is such a nerve-racking mindfuck for me that I'm actually more comfortable being considered rude or ungrateful. Or not getting feedback at all, if that's the reason the reader does it.

[(Anonymous)]

OP here. That was a lot of the reasons why I never replied to comments initially--I didn't want to be that author who blackmailing their readers with gratitude, and anxiety that I would say something stupid and the reader would suddenly realize that their comment was totally misplaced, because I was actually a dumbass!

Anyway, that was then, and this is now and I treasure every one.

[(Anonymous)]

How exactly does someone "blackmail" with gratitude???

Like, would you rather people not review at all unless it's an in depth review? Not everyone has time to even leave a simple "I love this!" or "Please update soon", much less write out a whole review that's three paragraphs long. Obviously, you're not obligated to reply and thank people, but if you're not willing to do that then ... well, don't be surprised if people stop reviewing all together.

I'm sorry but I just don't see what there is to be anxious about here. If someone can take the time to (possibly) get over their own anxiety and takes a moment out of their day to leave you positive feedback, then the least that you (or anyone else) can do is to say "thanks" imo.

Also, I'm really baffled that anyone would think someone who replies to say "thanks" is only doing it to make their story seem more popular. It's a horrible assumption - when did politeness and good manners go out of style?? JFC

[(Anonymous)]

What a kind comment. It’s sure to make AYRT feel less anxious. Good job!

[(Anonymous)]

Right ... because this kind of reply wouldn’t make anyone anxious either. Congrats to you as well.

For the record, I deal with anxiety too. I know lots of people do, so it wasn’t my intention make things worse for anyone. I’m just trying to understand why it would be so stressful or difficult for anyone to give a simple “thanks” to someone online. Even people who are super shy and introverted are usually capable of doing that much (eventually), so it’s a pretty weak excuse to me. But hey, that’s just my opinion. I’m glad OP has been able to (mostly) get over their issues with comments and replies.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry but I just don't see what there is to be anxious about here. This is some prime grade A bullshit here. And if you really were anxious...like EVER..you would know that that is one of the worst things you can say.

You don't get it, fine. But OP already said that they USED to think this and now they don't, so just quit with judgey attitude.

[(Anonymous)]

Awww, anon, a simple thank you is enough! People might be hoping to talk more, sure, but I've found that I'm the one hoping for that when I reply, and most people don't reply back to get into a real discussion.

And I wish people wouldn't feel like it's ever too late, either to comment or to reply to one. Never too late, imo.

[(Anonymous)]

Ayrt - it's not so much that I'm worried about getting into a discussion it's more like: when I say thank you, does a period seem to brusk? An exclamation point too needy? No punctuation will make it seem like I'm a bad writer. Should I say "thank you" or "thank you very much"? What if someone comments on a fic of mine from 3 years ago and then a new fic? I can't reply to the comment on the new one without also responding to the old one but if I reply to the old one what about the three year old comments on that fic I never responded to? Responding to them 3 years later would just attract attention to the fact I didn't respond initially when they've probably just forgotten - etc etc etc. All that runs in my head on repeat when I get comments and I just end up not responding. :(

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I have these same fears. I've started to try and ignore them. No matter how carefully you word what you say there's always the possibility that someone will interpret it in the worst possible way.

Just keep it simple and friendly. Respond to the old comments saying "sorry for the late reply, but thank you so much for commenting!" or something so you can move on and get into your new habit of replying to comments, if it's that important to you to reply.

But at the end of the day it is not the end of the world either way. Some readers might think poorly of you if you don't reply, but others may think poorly of you if you do. Do what feels right to you. If you think that replying to comments is the right thing to do, then go back and leave your belated replies and start replying to all new comments, and don't worry about whether or not people are dissecting your comment, because they aren't, and if they are then they're the weird one. But if you're just doing it out of fear others will think you're rude and you yourself don't find it rude when others don't comment, why worry about it?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah but above in this thread are a ton of people dissecting how authors reply, who they reply to, and saying if you don't reply you're an asshole who doesn't deserve the comments. It's hard to feel like it really doesn't matter when people get so mad about it :(

[(Anonymous)]

That's their problem, not yours. People also dissect what authors write, where they post it, how they tag it, what subject they chose to write about, how they maintain their blogs, how enthusiastic they are, how ironic they try to be, what they choose as their profile picture, the name they chose for their account, etc. It doesn't mean that you need to worry about pleasing all of them, because you literally cannot avoid nitpickers. If people want to get mad, they will find a reason to get mad no matter what you do; effectively, it doesn't matter what you do, because you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. As long as you're not trying to upset anyone, it's best to just do what your gut tells you is the polite and kind thing to do.

[killertofuuu]

I know, and for the longest time people like that got to me, too. I know it's easier said than done not to let their negativity get you down, but I promise you their egotistical bullshit doesn't matter. There are no rules in fandom and they have no business trying to establish any. They can have their opinions, but that doesn't make them smarter, or morally superior than anyone else. Also, you can't please everybody. It's impossible, and it's ok to stop trying to. I wish there was anything I could say to help, but all I can really offer is my viewpoint and my honest hope that, in time, anyone posting fic on AO3 feeling anxiety about whether or not to comment finds peace in any decisions they make.

[killertofuuu]

Speaking as someone who replies to every review I get, here's how I feel about that: Enlightened randos who talk through their asses online have no say in what you choose to do, or where you choose to focus your energy. I believe social anxiety is a perfectly valid reason not to reply. Hell, simply not wanting to reply is valid. Who cares? Like, the last thing anyone needs from a fun hobby is unnecessary stress and anxiety. Hell, IRL I've let non-work related text messages and emails collect cyber dust all the time because I didn't want to deal with them. I hate having to reply to such things, and won't if it's not important. I hate feeling like someone's entitled to my attention at a moment's notice. The sound of a phone ringing pisses me off every time without fail. Fanfiction's one of the precious few spaces where I feel OK being open and saying whatever's on my mind, but I've spent more than half my life online churning out fic at this point, and worked damn hard to be as OK as I am now.

tl;dr There's no law stating whether or not you have to reply to reviews, and there's no real etiquette either. Anyone who suggests there is talking through their ass. You can do whatever feels right and if anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem. The best thing about fandom is that there are no rules.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

Best comment in this whole thread.

[redseeker]

If you don't know what to reply just say "thanks for reading". It really doesn't have to be more complicated than that.