fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4141 ]

[ SECRET POST #4141 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4141 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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How can you be NB when you use the pronouns of a specific gender and dress firmly within the socially acceptable frames of a specific gender?

Asking becaues someone like this was on the news to talk about being NB.

With pronouns, some people use pronouns they grew up with because that's the ones they used to, or else they use pronouns other people are familiar with so they can fly under the radar, or any number of reasons. For dressing, NB people can dress like a man/woman for the same reason a man can wear a dress and a woman can wear a suit, they're clothes they like. I guess it just depends on the individual and their preferences and life. If they feel like non binary fits them on the inside, then power to them. Ain't no skin off my back.

Because you're ready to be out to people who aren't your family who have a high chance of kicking you out and it's just fucking easier like this so RL friends don't have to worry about slipping up.

Gender stuff is so confusing to me.

Recently I watched a true crime type show about a person that went missing, where their friends and family were interviewed. The missing person was described as transgender, and was born male, so you'd think they'd be using female pronouns. After using "he" for several minutes into the program, the narrator says "the family says he, so we're going to say he". It was kind of pissing me off, because it's not cool to misgender someone just because their family does it. Except the person's grandmother (who seemed to be the most supportive one in the family) said "she" while everyone else, including their roommates (who were also described as trans, so you'd think they'd be respectful of pronouns), said "he".

Then at one point the person is described as a "transgender male" when I feel like they should've said "transgender woman". Then the two roommates, who are both described as "transgender women"...one is called "he" and the other is called "she" by the narrator. The victim's grandmother calls the one the narrator called "he" "she", which I think is probably right, if this person identifies as a trans woman. But if they're both trans women, why is one called "he" and one called "she"? If the narrator was trying to just be a douche and call them by the wrong pronouns, why the inconsistency?

Then the missing person's siblings, who call them "he" the entire time, say "he didn't necessarily consider himself male or female" and showed pictures of them wearing both typically male and female clothing at different times. So I started thinking, well, maybe this person was actually genderfluid or non binary and everyone's just saying transgender because they don't know that genderfluid or non binary are things. Then there's the mom saying "he considered himself a woman" which takes me back to being pissed off that someone who identified as a woman is constantly being referred to as "he". And there's this constant conflation of gay and transgender, and...the whole thing was a giant mess.

That's frustrating, but it sounds like all the relatives and friends were creating the confusion and the producers of the show may not have been able to figure out the "right" gender pronouns when no one who knew the person could seem to agree and you don't know for sure who is using the pronouns the person wanted (if they even cared) and who is mis-gendering for whatever reason.

while I'm all for not policing how someone feels on the inside, nonbinary is such a fucking...god, it's the worst of this whole hornet's nest because it really calls into question just how far you can go before you're reinforcing gender stereotypes instead of trying to break out of them. when you've done a full 360 and warped all the way back around to "girls wear dresses and like to shop and boys like sports and trucks and gosh today I feel like I like trucks so teehee I must be NB." like. that can't be how it works. it just can't, or else you end up in a paradox. if that's how gender works then everyone is NB which means no one is actually NB.

Yeah, I kinda see it as a societal stepping stone to when that hornet nest is opened. There's the whole transmedical argument (you need gender dysphoria to be trans vs you're trans if you identify as trans) that I'm also interested what the popular opinion will settle on.

This is how I feel. I wouldn't go around telling people this out loud, and I can't assume there is no one who really feels, deep down and apart from gender roles and stereotypes, that they are neither male nor female - or they are both - but most of the time I can't help but wonder what the NB identity is based on when there's really no apparent difference between the NB person and all the people I've ever met who very comfortably identify as either male or female, even in the midst of behaving in stereotype-defying ways.

"nonbinary" basically means "I have bought into the bullshit that is gender essentialism so fucking hard that I literally cannot conceive of it being possible to transcend, or exist as a person outside of, rigid traditional gender stereotypes. If I or anyone else is more complex than the tiny box that the almighty gender essentialism has decreed we must fit into, that means that we must not HAVE a gender, because EVERYONE knows that all men who are really men are exactly the same and all women who are really women are exactly the same, and I am Not Like Other Girls, Or Boys, As The Case May Be."

This. To me, these people always sound like they're saying "I will shout 'smash gender stereotypes' while enforcing them with all my might!"

I've been confused about this too. There's one person I see a lot on Tumblr (I don't follow them but one of the people I do follow does and reblogs them a lot) who calls themselves nonbinary and makes a whole deal about it, but every time they post selfies it's all pastel long hair and bright red lipstick and retro dresses, which just makes it feel to me like they're just nobinary for minority points.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4141 ]

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon

Re: Questions you can't ask IRL or online non-anon