fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4156 ]

[ SECRET POST #4156 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4156 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 31 secrets from Secret Submission Post #595.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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either kind is fine

https://images.homedepot-static.com/productImages/191dd376-8e2c-4ddb-ba50-6df0f8876332/svn/windeevent-garage-door-parts-wv1001w-64_1000.jpg

I like your style

God, I'm such a fucking failure. I've got so many things in my favor but anytime there's a chance of changing things for the better, I get scared and flip the fuck out and sabotage everything. I'm a huge embarrassment to everyone around me with little redeeming qualities.

I've done loads of therapy on and off for mall my life and all it's given me the ability only fake being a normal functioning person. I'll never actually I'm always going to be an anxious, depressed wreck to afraid to even talk to therapist because I'm afraid they'll judge me and realize what a pathetic piece of shit I am. And then when I do they, I'm not even willing to even take their advice as I'd rather die than confront my multitude of issues. Medication just makes me feel dead on the inside and I've tried all sorts of combinations.

I keep on getting older which makes all this even more of an embarrassment. I'm old enough that I should be able to support myself, not be stuck leeching on parents who resent this as much as I do.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Oh, anon. :( I've been on both sides of the mental health spectrum, as in, I have bad depression/anxiety myself and I also have done a lot of work in a mental health clinic.

First, I can tell you that your therapist isn't going to judge you because, to be frank, your therapist sees a lot worse. I guarantee it. If you are normal functioning and not committing crimes left and right or otherwise dangerous, your therapist is not going to be aghast.

I also know how hard it is to actually accept treatment even when you receive it. But if you're struggling and in a bad place now, wouldn't it be better to at least take the step to see someone? If it's hard to accept treatment with one therapist, you could always try another.

Take care of yourself, anon. No matter how bad you think it is, remember how anxiety and depression is multiplying these things in your head to irrational amounts. It's easy to feel lost when that all stacks up, but it might really help to talk with the right person who can help not only help process ways to get your life closer to the way you want it to be, but also help reroute all the frustration you are slamming yourself with.

Thanks, anon. I wasn't really expecting anyone to respond, much less with something so thoughtful. I know that my previous comment seems kinda dire and I can't deny that's what I believe deep down, even though at an arm's length, I can see all distorted and polarized thought in it.

But! I have a plan for action, which is both doable and the reason I was flipping out there. Not gonna lie, it's scary to deal with the possibility of failure

And yeah, I think under the right mental place and circumstance, a therapist would do me some good. However, getting to that point would be a lot of stress right now. I'm not ready to tackle my issues head and only talking about my issues frustrates me since I know what they are, I how to deal with them (in theory at least), but I'm not mentally ready to put that theory to practice.

Thanks again for your kind words and I'll try to treat myself better. You take care too.

Mental illnesses and disabilities are not just called that for show, anon. You're suffering and it's the therapist's job to understand and help you with that. They would be out of a job if it was just something you could get over. I've been trying to get better for 37 years, and even though I feel like I have grown some in the past 5 or so, that's not to say I don't fuck up or self sabotage because anxiety is a bitch and so are all the other comorbities like attention deficit, depression, my comprehension skills, etc.

I don't think it's a bad thing either to 'fake' being functional. That in itself is a functionality. If it helps you through a situation? Maybe it didn't go the way you ideally wanted it to, but it got you through something. Now instead of picking yourself apart, give yourself small (attainable) goals to do some aspect of it better next time.

Maybe that's just not beating yourself up after something happens. Small steps. For me when things go wrong I used to spend ages self flagelating mentally and now I can keep from doing that, but it doesn't undo the mistakes I make emotionally in the moment (fights, forgetting things, etc). But I'm slightly better at handling the aftermath than I was years ago. It's little things like that, that you might not see as progress, but trust me, it compounds on your ability to handle things.

Don't look at the big picture. It's going to wreck you, and anyone would stress at the magnitude of changing so much. Celebrate your little victories no matter how small because that will help you move forward. I believe in you because I'm struggling to. We can get through this! <3

I am so sick of my neighbor kids. One of the shits put peanuts in our mailbox, which I told them off about. Today, I caught one throwing a football against my house and told him off. And just now they were riding their backs in our driveway around our cars. So I had to tell them to stay away from our cars.

Edited 2018-05-22 00:28 (UTC)

I read it too fast and thought one sentence said: "One of the kids put shit in our mailbox!"

I wouldn't be surprised, my neighbors' little shits piss in the elevator.

If it happens, I would not be surprised.

those are some shitty parents. my mom would have killed me if i'd done shit like that as a kid.

Oh, yeah. The parents are awful too.

I have zero tolerance for people who agree to take on a job (with all the information about what that job will require) and then say they can't manage this or that thing, or they're not sure about how to do something, so my whole project gets delayed because they were dishonest and overstated their capabilities to begin with.

I TOLD YOU WHAT I NEEDED AND YOU CONFIRMED THAT YOU WERE CAPABLE. IF YOU DON'T DO THE THING YOU WILL NOT BE PAID. GET OUT SO I CAN GET SOMEONE WHO WILL DO THE THING.

Obviously I don't have a screaming meltdown in person, but holy jesus fuck I am so done with people who think they can bullshit their way into work.

I pay well. I always budget extra time and money for unforeseen problems. I provide a good working environment. I don't deny reasonable requests.

JUST PLEASE STOP BEING ASSHOLES TO ME BECAUSE YOU THINK I WILL BE EASY TO SCREW OVER.

I have never had better interactions with people than when I use the standard email and nobody knows that I'm a woman. It's like a magic trick. I can make people not suck just by letting them assume I have a penis.

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO THAT. YOU SHOULD JUST NOT SUCK.

I almost think you're my coworker because we've had a version of this conversation before. You're absolutely right. People do not want to do the job they were hired to do.

Also see, people who can't work even though they're given minimum hours. You knew signing up that you had to give us this many hours per week. You should have figured out your various/potential conflicts before screwing us over.

I have never had better interactions with people than when I use the standard email and nobody knows that I'm a woman

That's disturbing. :/ Although I'm a bit confused, how do they not know you're a woman if you hired them? Or are you talking about potential hires?

da but this is actually why I quit my old job. I had a coworker who worked at most 10 hours a week and yet somehow she ALWAYS needed time off for this or that, which meant that I was constantly being asked if I could work extra shifts. No, bitch, I have another job. I have made this very clear. I gave you a schedule of my exact availability and unlike my dumb bitch of a coworker, I actually stick to that availability and am available exactly when I say I am... AND NO MORE. I finally got sick of it and told them where to shove it and then moved over full-time to said second job.

I keep having dreams about marring some random women and my parents finding out somehow (last night it was because the place I was registered for some reason sent stuff to them). I'm sick of these stupid dreams.

Marring or marrying?

Marrying. I'm tired.

Thank you!

Goddamnit self get off your ass and work on the shit you need to instead of wasting another four hours on the goddamn internet

I should print your words out and tape then across my wall.

DA

Haha, if I thought they would work on me, I'd do the same, lol.

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[ SECRET POST #4156 ]

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