[ SECRET POST #4156 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4156 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 31 secrets from Secret Submission Post #595.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

God, I'm such a fucking failure. I've got so many things in my favor but anytime there's a chance of changing things for the better, I get scared and flip the fuck out and sabotage everything. I'm a huge embarrassment to everyone around me with little redeeming qualities.

I've done loads of therapy on and off for mall my life and all it's given me the ability only fake being a normal functioning person. I'll never actually I'm always going to be an anxious, depressed wreck to afraid to even talk to therapist because I'm afraid they'll judge me and realize what a pathetic piece of shit I am. And then when I do they, I'm not even willing to even take their advice as I'd rather die than confront my multitude of issues. Medication just makes me feel dead on the inside and I've tried all sorts of combinations.

I keep on getting older which makes all this even more of an embarrassment. I'm old enough that I should be able to support myself, not be stuck leeching on parents who resent this as much as I do.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, anon. :( I've been on both sides of the mental health spectrum, as in, I have bad depression/anxiety myself and I also have done a lot of work in a mental health clinic.

First, I can tell you that your therapist isn't going to judge you because, to be frank, your therapist sees a lot worse. I guarantee it. If you are normal functioning and not committing crimes left and right or otherwise dangerous, your therapist is not going to be aghast.

I also know how hard it is to actually accept treatment even when you receive it. But if you're struggling and in a bad place now, wouldn't it be better to at least take the step to see someone? If it's hard to accept treatment with one therapist, you could always try another.

Take care of yourself, anon. No matter how bad you think it is, remember how anxiety and depression is multiplying these things in your head to irrational amounts. It's easy to feel lost when that all stacks up, but it might really help to talk with the right person who can help not only help process ways to get your life closer to the way you want it to be, but also help reroute all the frustration you are slamming yourself with.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks, anon. I wasn't really expecting anyone to respond, much less with something so thoughtful. I know that my previous comment seems kinda dire and I can't deny that's what I believe deep down, even though at an arm's length, I can see all distorted and polarized thought in it.

But! I have a plan for action, which is both doable and the reason I was flipping out there. Not gonna lie, it's scary to deal with the possibility of failure

And yeah, I think under the right mental place and circumstance, a therapist would do me some good. However, getting to that point would be a lot of stress right now. I'm not ready to tackle my issues head and only talking about my issues frustrates me since I know what they are, I how to deal with them (in theory at least), but I'm not mentally ready to put that theory to practice.

Thanks again for your kind words and I'll try to treat myself better. You take care too.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Mental illnesses and disabilities are not just called that for show, anon. You're suffering and it's the therapist's job to understand and help you with that. They would be out of a job if it was just something you could get over. I've been trying to get better for 37 years, and even though I feel like I have grown some in the past 5 or so, that's not to say I don't fuck up or self sabotage because anxiety is a bitch and so are all the other comorbities like attention deficit, depression, my comprehension skills, etc.

I don't think it's a bad thing either to 'fake' being functional. That in itself is a functionality. If it helps you through a situation? Maybe it didn't go the way you ideally wanted it to, but it got you through something. Now instead of picking yourself apart, give yourself small (attainable) goals to do some aspect of it better next time.

Maybe that's just not beating yourself up after something happens. Small steps. For me when things go wrong I used to spend ages self flagelating mentally and now I can keep from doing that, but it doesn't undo the mistakes I make emotionally in the moment (fights, forgetting things, etc). But I'm slightly better at handling the aftermath than I was years ago. It's little things like that, that you might not see as progress, but trust me, it compounds on your ability to handle things.

Don't look at the big picture. It's going to wreck you, and anyone would stress at the magnitude of changing so much. Celebrate your little victories no matter how small because that will help you move forward. I believe in you because I'm struggling to. We can get through this! <3