[ SECRET POST #4210 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4210 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #603.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Curious, OP: do you require your non-fandom friendships to be 100% equal, or is it just fandom friends who must put in the exact same amount of "effort" when and how you want them to, in order to prove they like you too?

da

[(Anonymous)]

IMO there should be some kind of mutual respect if you want to keep friends, period.

You don't have to like or blindly accept everything a friend gives or recommends you.

But reacting with revulsion doesn't seem like a respectful way to interact with a friend. You can be honest and exercise tact, not just fire a bazooka on someone's recommendation.

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, but I still think this is ridiculous. I don't judge my friends' respect of me based on how they respond to my fandom recommendations. And I certainly don't care what language they use while declining. It's not that serious.

If they're a friend who cares about me and shows interest in other aspects of my life, they don't need to also get into my new fave fandom just because it's their "turn" to listen to a recommendation. Friendships are not tit for tat. And if they're a fandom friend, the most I ask of them is to squee with me over our shared fandoms that we both willingly entered.

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

I didn't say they had to get into your new fandom. I believe I made this clear when saying "You don't have to like or blindly accept everything a friend gives or recommends you." I'm saying a friend shouldn't act rudely when you're making a recommendation.

I guess if I were to see someone gushing over something, my first reaction would not to be to call what they're gushing over "garbage," even if I honestly thought what they loved was garbage. Maybe if it wasn't clear that what they were recommending was something they thought was amazing, I might let it slip that I considered it garbage. But on the other hand, whenever someone recommends something, for some reason, it automatically registers in my mind that it just might be a series that they like, or is important to them in some way, and that maybe I shouldn't just say the first thing that comes to mind.

But to each his own.

Re: da

[(Anonymous)]

Rudeness is subjective and specific to a particular relationship, though. And it is exacerbated by the fact that presumably most fandom interaction is written via online platforms. How is this friend supposed to know that the OP finds their response so horrible (since, in my experience, this sort of terminology is very common - to the point of meaninglessness - in fandom discourse) if OP doesn't say anything to them? Since we're now telling people how all friends should treat each other, shouldn't one of the pieces of advice be honest communication about hurt feelings?

Get into it, give it a chance, whatever phrase you want to use to indicate that a recommendation is considered or even followed up on -- how many hours of a person's limited time to consume entertainment should they give to something they're not interested in to be a "good" friend? Is one episode enough? A season? Does one draw the line at a 200-page book or a 400-page one? If they put it on their list but don't check it out within a month, have they committed a mortifying offense or should they have at least a year? IMO, it's as rude, if not more, to feel like your friends owe it to you to waste their time on something that holds no interest to them, just because you like it or because you gave one of their recs a chance.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Not at all.
I don't give recs because I want my friends to "prove" they like me by checking them. It's just we were in the same situation but reversed (when she recs me a thing that looks boring to me) so many times, that I honestly didn't expect that kind of reaction. In the worst case I expected something like "nah, I already tried, it's not my thing" or "I don't want to watch it because *reasons*" but I never even got any reasons from her? She just refused and looked offended and I kinda tried to change the topic immediately.