[ SECRET POST #4210 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4210 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #603.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

02. https://i.imgur.com/E4OaWj8.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend sounds like an asshole. I would never tell a friend something they enjoy is "garbage", that's incredibly rude .

[(Anonymous)]

OP sounds a bit like they can give it out but can't take it.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, Nonny. I've been in your shoes and that sucks. As a result, I've decided to never listen to this friend's recs again; I hope you fare better than I did here.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe she was just trying to reply in the same "playfully forceful" manner in which you made the suggestion?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

No, she made it very clear she really dislikes the series I suggested and doesn't have an intention to give it a try.

[sugaredviolets]

I'm a picky person but I would never tell someone that what they like is garbage. Your friend doesn't respect you if you recommending something isn't reason enough for her to try it (or at least add it to a list of things to try in the future), especially if you have tried her things.

I would try and speak to her and ask if it was just something about that show that put her off or was it that she just doesn't like your taste (in which case look for some better fandom friends).

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend doesn't respect you if you recommending something isn't reason enough for her to try it

HAHAHAHAHAHA! OK, sure.

I'll judge my friends' respect for me on much more important criteria, thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

You're fine. I like a lot of things that people consider "garbage." Also, a lot of people consider very popular series and works "garbage" when clearly, a large chunk of the population disagrees. There are people saying Hamlet was the worst play ever written.

[(Anonymous)]

it sounds like she's a much more forceful personality type whereas you're more on the normal/passive side.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know, I'd say something. Something like, "Hey, you know the other day when I recommended [series] to you? I was a little taken aback by your negative reaction. What was that about?"

Then listen carefully to her response.

"Okay. Well, the reason why I recommended it was because you've recced so many things to me that I took a chance on and ended up liking it even though it didn't really interest me initially. I thought I'd do the same, because we're friends."

Then see what she says. Honestly, keeping quiet may seem like the easier solution right now, but unless you're 100% sure you can get over this and not feel resentful or upset, it's better to civilly, calmly clear the air.

And in the future, maybe avoid even joking "in a playful forceful manner" about what other people "must" see.

[(Anonymous)]

>"Okay. Well, the reason why I recommended it was because you've recced so many things to me that I took a chance on and ended up liking it even though it didn't really interest me initially. I thought I'd do the same, because we're friends."

If OP's friend is anything like my friend who does the same thing, if I laid that line on her she'd spew some self-serving bullshit and find some way to blame the whole thing on me, and try to make me feel like a bad person despite the fact that I thought sharing recs meant we were friends.

[(Anonymous)]

That's a little extreme and your friend sounds like a jerk, OP. I've recommended stuff to my friends before, but I've never had anything I like called garbage (not to my face anyway).

[(Anonymous)]

I gotta admit, I'm more often like the OP's friend in this situation. (My one friend and I will often negotiate a joint recommendation viewing party or something. In 20+ years, I can count on one hand the number of times I thought I'd dislike something she wanted to watch and was actually wrong about that prediction. She'd probably say the same. Miraculously, we're still friends.) Everyone has limited time to take in new media, and most people are pretty aware of their tastes and preferences. Sorry, OP, but no one "makes" you play or watch the things your friend recommends; you agree to do so. Maybe if your friend did the same, they would end up liking it, and that's their loss. Maybe not.

It's not that your taste is BAD, OP. It's that people's tastes are different. Just because you share one (or more) fandoms doesn't mean you have to share all of them. Don't take hyperbolic dismissal of a form of entertainment as a personal insult against you.

[(Anonymous)]

Don't take hyperbolic dismissal of a form of entertainment as a personal insult against you.

This though. I just recently dropped a friend because any time I (or another mutual friend) didn't share her obsession with a game/movie, she acted like we were insulting her, her family and her family's family. People like different things, so just because I don't share the same taste in games, doesn't mean that I'm taking a giant dump on the franchises in general.

What a jerk...

[(Anonymous)]

However, I can't judge your taste without knowing what you reccommended.

[el_regrs]

I've had a similar experience, so I feel you. It definitely feels unfair, because you gave stuff a chance, but your friend doesn't feel like she owes you that much back. Or at the very least, not calling the stuff you recommend "garbage."

And no, her reaction doesn't mean you have bad taste.

[(Anonymous)]

Curious, OP: do you require your non-fandom friendships to be 100% equal, or is it just fandom friends who must put in the exact same amount of "effort" when and how you want them to, in order to prove they like you too?

da

[(Anonymous)]

IMO there should be some kind of mutual respect if you want to keep friends, period.

You don't have to like or blindly accept everything a friend gives or recommends you.

But reacting with revulsion doesn't seem like a respectful way to interact with a friend. You can be honest and exercise tact, not just fire a bazooka on someone's recommendation.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Not at all.
I don't give recs because I want my friends to "prove" they like me by checking them. It's just we were in the same situation but reversed (when she recs me a thing that looks boring to me) so many times, that I honestly didn't expect that kind of reaction. In the worst case I expected something like "nah, I already tried, it's not my thing" or "I don't want to watch it because *reasons*" but I never even got any reasons from her? She just refused and looked offended and I kinda tried to change the topic immediately.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a friend like that once, got me into a bunch of fandoms. But the one time I recommended something to them, not even jokingly aggressively, just a friendly conversational "hey, you should try this, I enjoy it so you might too." they were kinda rude about it, and at the time it felt like a bit of a slap to the face. We eventually lost touch for a few different reasons. But not long ago I came across some of their fanfic out of the blue and found out they were now writing fic for the thing I recommended to them that they were rude about. wtf. I can't even. Should I be pleased I was right that they would like it? Annoyed? I don't even know.

[(Anonymous)]

Ahhh, it's petty but I've had that happen and was so aggravated by it! I was mentally like, "Why didn't you listen to me X number of years ago? I knew I was right!" But that's mean and dumb, so I just pushed past it so I could talk about the show with my friend.

[(Anonymous)]

Ahhh, I've been your friend before, OP. I like to think I wasn't quite as abrupt and jerky about it (I certainly never called anything garbage), but I had a friend that always tried stuff that I was super into, and when she tried to get me to try a show she loved, I was really hesitant. (The show's a bit notorious, and I already had a bad impression of it.)

I did end up trying a few episodes, and I tried being honest with her that I really wasn't enjoying it, but she ended up pulling the "you have to give it a CHANCE" card and I ended up marathoning three entire seasons out of guilt. And then the fact that I'd only grown less and less interested in it really pissed her off, because she'd gotten into so many of my things, and she felt like I wasn't putting in my fair time. Which like... ugghhh I can definitely see where she was coming from, and I did feel bad, but if there had been something I liked that she hated I would never have kept guilting her into more of it? Idk. It's a tough situation, I guess.

[(Anonymous)]

Is the item you rec'd actually similar to other things you know she likes, or are you not taking her "picky" tastes into account and just assuming that because you like it, she might too? Are there language barriers? Has she done this with every rec "playfully forced" on her by you or mutuals? Does it have something that might be personally upsetting or triggering, such as infidelity, rape, gore, etc. - something she might react viscerally to but not feel comfortable telling you about? Maybe you could try asking her, or giving her the benefit of the doubt, instead of thinking only of your feelings.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Your friend sounds self involved and narsisstic. Do you and invite her along for the ride, if she doesn't want to come along-- then well that's her problem but still get down with your own bad self.

Tip: Your taste is not garbage, she's just not understanding of personal preference.