[ SECRET POST #4231 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4231 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[6ix9ine]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 44 secrets from Secret Submission Post #606.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

Is it really that likely that if you're pursuing same-sex relationships, you're likely going to have problems if you're at least partially in the closet and want to stay that way because that's a deal breaker for a lot of people in the long term? This seems to come up as relationship conflict in a lot of glbt media and it always gives me this sinking feeling because I don't see any reason to rock the boat by confronting my parents with my potential sexuality...I'm not close enough to care about their approval or their good vibes or their encouragement, but I also have no desire to cut them off entirely, and even though this is so hypothetical it's very hurtful to imagine someone would think that's about my relationship with them and not my fucking business, even if it's one of those "I think that's kind of shitty, but you can set whatever standards are important to you in relationships"...things.

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

Well unless you want to be like "ah yes, I am renting/buying a home and living for decades and raising children/pets/whatnot with um, my... bestest same-sex friend to whom I have no legal ties," it's going to come up eventually.

Not that people don't actually do that with their best friends sometimes, but you're going to force your partner to lie a lot for you, and a lot of people don't want to do that. They can't be out because you're not out, because what if your parents look them up? What if someone else finds out because they overhear them speaking to someone else? What if someone hears they're married and asks to whom, and they can't say because it might get back to your parents?

Yes. It's likely.

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

To add to that, this doesn't mean you have to go around telling everyone you're gay and in a relationship. It's easy to discuss with a partner how open you want to be about your relationship to others. Lots of couples including straight ones live/work/whatever without talking about their husbands/wives/private lives at all to the point where others are surprised they're married or have kids.

But being closeted / having to pretend to be straight if asked directly about relationships is a step further than that, because that makes people have to lie and say they aren't gay, or there isn't a relationship when there is.

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

My parents just aren't involved in my life enough to find out. And frankly if they did they could just deal with confronting me about it and save me the humiliation of coming out to them so that they're allowed to feel righteous for pretending to be okay with it when I know that they're not.

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

If they're not at all involved, then there's potentially no problem, sure. I was just explaining why one closeted partner staying closeted is usually a likely and real issue in the long run.

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

I was going to respond with almost exactly this. I have members of my family I am not out to - but I also have no relationship with them, so they just have no ties to my personal life. My family I am close with would be a different story. Not to mention with the internet its so much easier for the word to spread... Seriously dating and settling down with someone who wanted me to change parts of my life to keep their secret doesn't sound great.

I think the thing is, beyond even a relationship, if you want to live freely as a gay person and you don't want to tell your family, you are either going to have to distance yourself from your family or live an elaborate lie, which is very hard. You have to "rock the boat" eventually in some way. It sucks, but that's the reality of homophobia.

(That said my partner was closeted to her family for a year or so after we started dating, but she did decide to come out to them while we were dating - which I am glad for now that we are living together and we are having to figure out things like holidays and whatnot. So I think its definitely possible to date someone closeted for a while, but not long term.)

Re: Things you've always wondered

[(Anonymous)]

If it comes up a lot as a conflict in media that's probably because conflict is what makes a story happen. Otherwise, you're just writing a story where everything is fine and nothing happens. It's also a thing some people have had to deal with IRL and people like to tell stories about RL problems they or their peers have faced because telling stories about the human experience is just what people do. Stores about opposite-sex couples also involve conflict and imperfect relationships, because otherwise it's not a story.

That doesn't mean it's an inevitable stumbling block in every same-sex relationship, or you'll inevitably only meet partners who can't handle your approach to your parents knowing about your sexuality.