[ SECRET POST #4239 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4239 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
[2018 Chinese tv-drama Guardian]


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03.
[Amy Adams in Sharp Objects]


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04.
[Martian]


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05.
[Castle Rock]


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06.
[The Girl Next Door & Watching the Detectives]


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07.
[Criminal Minds]







Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 35 secrets from Secret Submission Post #607.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

So I got fired from my dream job, and now I feel like an absolute failure. I've been trying to find work again, but I feel like I've been so long out of employment that no one will want me, and I've already been rejected from a ton of places. I know I should be trying harder to find jobs but it's so hard to stay motivated, and I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

I used to feel like I had so much potential and I wasted it all. And now there's nothing left for me, and all my chances have passed me by and it's hard not to want to give up and die.

[(Anonymous)]

Oof. That is tough, nonny. I don't know what your dream career field is, but is there somewhere related that you could volunteer for a while? It would get you back on the horse, but hopefully be lower pressure. It would also put some recent experience on your resume.

I've been at that place where I've felt like I wasted all my chances. But that feeling's a lie. There are always new chances. They aren't going to be the same chances you had before, but that doesn't make them worse, just different. If possible, I do recommend that you find someone professional to talk to. It's a cliche, but it really does help to share these thoughts with a neutral third party who can help put things back in perspective.

[(Anonymous)]

Do some volunteering, if you aren't already. Not only is it potential networking and something that will look better on your resume than a large unfilled gap, it'll get you out of your house and out of your own head, and be a reminder that yes, you can do things and make a difference in the world.

Hang in there, anon. Job searching is brutal, but you'll find something.

[(Anonymous)]

My partner was in the exact same position as you this spring, nonny, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing your dream job is such a blow in itself, and job hunting is like salt in the wound. You're not a failure. I'll tell you what helped us... set aside a certain amount of time or a certain number of applications to get through every day, but don't spend all day on it. By all means tackle it first, get it out of the way and then:

Do something productive that's not job related. For us that was exercising, cleaning up around the house, a load of laundry, meal prep, yardwork, etc. It doesn't have to be a huge task, just one thing.

Do something nice for yourself. Eat something tasty, watch some comfort TV, read a comfort book, talk to a dear friend, that kind of thing.

It'll help your days pass without feeling like a total waste of time, and it'll help keep your momentum going without burnout. Good luck to you, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

It’s just hard because I’m still financially reliant on my parents. And since they’re paying for my current place, they use that as an excuse for one or both of them to come stay with me for 3-4 weeks at a time, ostensibly to “help” me by doing chores like keeping the apartment clean or getting groceries. But then they get on me about how I need to find a job, they think if I’m not either looking for a job, exercising (they think I have a weight problem), or doing something “productive” it’s an insult to them and their hard work and I feel so guilty because they both have such better work ethics than me and I feel like an even bigger failure that I can’t be like them that I don’t have the discipline to get up at 6:30 every morning run for an hour then work 5 hours nonstop without getting distracted that I don’t have their drive and I feel so fucking broken and lazy and worthless.

[(Anonymous)]

Uh... no offense, but it sounds like they are way too involved in your life. IMO nothing is more crippling than someone else hovering over every detail of your life.

Not sure where you are, but are you able to apply to a temp agency?

[(Anonymous)]

I can try. But my parents are adamant about me applying for work only within my field. They don’t want me “wasting” my time with day jobs because they’re financially supporting me so why should I worry about that? And they treat me almost like I’m selfish if I apply for temp/day jobs because I don’t know. Like I’m turning down their help if I try to support myself. They say they want me to be independent but they keep doing and saying things that undermine me feeling like I’m capable of leading an independent life. When I got fired my first thought was “now my parents are going to have even more evidence to prove I can’t take care of myself and maybe they’re right I can’t take care of myself if I fucked up this badly”

[(Anonymous)]

I mean... they can't put conditions on you being independent. That's not how it works. You don't "get" to be independent on their terms. You're either independent or you're not. You can stay with them under their terms if you wanted to. Of course, being independent doesn't guarantee whatever cushy conditions they're currently offering, and you may very well be scraping by for a while. That doesn't mean it isn't worth trying.

Not sure what country you're in, but if you're an adult in the US (and I'm assuming several other nations... haven't had my coffee this morning, sorry), they can't keep you there.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm really sorry, anon. I don't know your parents as well as you do... is there a chance that sitting them down and having a blunt talk about how their "pep talks" are achieving the exact opposite of what they intend? Would they be receptive if you told them what you actually need - emotional support and real encouragement without judgment or "helpful" reminders?

My mother is like what you described. She means well, she just doesn't think I'm capable of figuring out obvious things for myself so she truly believes she needs to nag me to death for my own good. Nothing makes her stop except me snapping at her and that only makes her stop for a short while. It's not the healthiest approach, and it's a precarious one if you're relying on them for financial support.

You aren't broken, lazy OR worthless. You're in a bad spot right now, one that lots of people have experienced. There's no shame in it, though I know that's hard to really process because there's nothing like being unemployed to make a person feel utterly worthless. All you can do is try your best, get through each day as it comes and keep your head above water. I'm pulling for you, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

It won’t. Every time I try I just get told that I’m ungrateful that because they’re paying for it it’s technically their apartment and they’re only allowing me to live in it and that if I want to keep living here then they get to set the rules. They get mad if I even lock the door to my bedroom because to them the only reason I would lock my bedroom door is because I’m doing something I should it be doing (which is true I’m playing video games when I should be searching for a job but games are increasingly my only escape) and that it makes them sick when I lock my door because I’m treating them like some kind of criminal.

[(Anonymous)]

Get a temp job. Save some money. Go on Craigslist and find someone looking for a roommate. Move out of your parents’ apartment. If your parents try to stop you from doing any of these things, call the cops and report them for criminal menacing.