fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4253 ]

[ SECRET POST #4253 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4253 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #609.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Need advice or help making a decision? Ask away!

Over a year ago, I lost my mom to cancer. While she was sick, movies, books, any media featuring illness was a huge NO. I thought that once enough time had passed, I'd be... okay again.

Yet even now, anything with the mention of illness is a turn off. Cancer especially, but I stopped reading a book I loved because a character was dying. I was loving it, and I still haven't brought myself to read it. I was watching a show on Netflix, and the character mentioned "my mom got sick" in a flashback. I nope'd REALLY hard and even felt angry at the show. I haven't re-watched one of my favorite shows ever because one of the main characters dies of lung cancer.

Does this ever ease? I try so hard to avoid things that mention illness and death, but as demonstrated, they tend to creep up. If I'm confident the character will be okay, that's one thing. It's when I'm confident they won't be, and you can generally tell the difference. And... I'm sick of not being able to enjoy things, because at this point, if a character coughs I wait for the other shoe to drop. Maybe it's normal to have weird pet peeves and I just have to live with it, but it's getting old.

At the very least, are there websites that list books and movies that talk a lot about illness and death?

I don't have any specific advice on your issue, except that the grieving process is long and frequently weird and there's no normal or correct way to do it, and I'm sorry for your loss.

I'd suggest talking to a therapist about this more than anything tbh. Not so much about being able to watch movies with illness in them, but more generally about your process of grieving and moving on.

I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my mom to cancer last year too, but I tended not to read/watch a lot of stuff where people battle terminal illness even beforehand. I hope things get better for you.

AYRT: Thanks. The issue is more that things tend to get dropped in, you know? I was reading a book where there should not have been any terminal illness. Nothing about the book suggested a character would be dying of disease.

From someone who's been there: this is going to get worse without therapy. Which is being blunt, but eventually that attitude ran over into real life. People coughing eventually made me super worried and fidgety because I was just kind of rolling with all of this trauma and not doing anything to treat it.

I don't know and I'm not sure that my experience is one that you will share. It hasn't gone away. Sometimes I feel like I can watch it, even though it will always upset me on a deeply personal level. It's still kind of detached enough that I can have a good relieving cry without making it about my mother? I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe I need to get some of the sad out, and I have a better chance of climbing out of that hole than my own memories.

It's one of those things that's hard to predict in movies. They don't have to warn for it and to everyone else it just seems like a really common plot. I have a difficult time avoiding a few things like that.

The internet might not have you covered, but it's trying: https://www.doesthedogdie.com/#topicTable

It sounds like this has moved beyond the normal grieving process into something much more severe. This is at the point where it's seriously impacting your life (you're having to isolate yourself from a huge swathe of 'bad' subject matter).

I'm going to second what the anon above said and say, therapy is your best bet. But I know that's not always an option, so....

Exposure therapy really does work. Noping out of books and movies and stuff at the first sign of illness is just going to make things way harder for you in the long run. When you do that, what you're essentially doing is failing to address those negative thoughts and feelings or put them in any sort of context. That means that rather than processing the memories and emotions the media brings forth, you're avoiding them, which will slow down the whole 'emotional healing' process.

I'm going through a massive depressive episode. Yesterday I got up, fed the animals, sat down at the computer and stayed there until midday. I didn't eat, I didn't drink. How can I make myself get the essentials done every day?
[also there's clean laundry in the basket and dishes in the drying rack and they've been there for days and days, this is also a problem]

Do you have a water bottle you can keep near you? I find keeping a water bottle and something small to snack on like crackers in arms reach can help, since obviously eating and drinking are the most important essentials, but when I’m depressed the idea of getting up and getting a glass of water would sound like climbing a mountain. I know it’s hard though, I wish I had more tips :( good luck anon!

Start small; don't overload yourself with a massive to-do list of chores. Set a little goal for each day until you feel like you can do more.

Obviously eating/drinking is the most important thing to start with. Keeping food/water within reach like the commenter above suggested is a good idea, or maybe set an alarm or reminder on your phone at set points in the day. I know how easy it is to go without when you're in a slump, but staying nourished will go a long ways to perking you up, at least physically.

I know the place you're in right now and it sucks. I've had days where my partner's come home from work and asked me if I've eaten, and I've suddenly realised nope, I haven't all day. Focus on the eating/drinking issue first; your health is the most important thing here. Chores like laundry/housework can always wait. Please take care. Here if you need to talk at all. <3

thank you
I'm gonna go have breakfast now
it's 11, so I'm doing better than yesterday c:

Hmmm. I did the same thing yesterday (well, minus feeding animals because I don't have any), and don't think I'm depressed. I had a lot of things to do on the computer that took up most of the day and didn't eat because I wasn't hungry (although I did have drinks). And my clean laundry and dishes are almost never put away right away. I never thought that meant I was depressed although now you've got me questioning myself.

Get a huge bottle of water and make yourself drink it. That will force you to a) get up to refill the bottle and b) get up to piss pretty regularly.

If you're getting up anyway, it's not too hard to make yourself do some other small task like getting a snack or putting away some dishes. And ime if you complete one task you feel better about stuff so you'll want to keep completing stuff.

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[ SECRET POST #4253 ]

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