[ SECRET POST #4281 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4281 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 35 secrets from Secret Submission Post #613.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

TW for assault. Comment below.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

WHY do women defend men who've committed assault? Spouses, but also people who are in no way related to said men? I unfortunately can see a spouse either being in denial, OR being a victim herself, but what about when women defend men they don't even know? I don't understand. Is it boomarang sexism?

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

it varies

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[philstar22]

I can't speak for all instances. But a lot of time it is for peace of mind. If it was that woman's fault what happened to her, then that same thing won't happen to me. That kind of thing.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Or even "Whatever's been similarly done to me is my fault." People will hold onto some very damaging perceptions for a messed up sense of control.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Are we talking convicted sexual assault or rumors/accusations?

Convicted, I have no idea. Rumours or accusations, it's possible to support a victim and also wait for a conviction without vilifying the accused at the same time, imo.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

it depends a lot on what you mean by things like "believe" and "support" and "know"

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Women who defend men who've committed assault or women who defend men of committing assault? I've never seen the former but plenty of the latter in both IRL and fandom spaces. Not everyone believes every accusation but I do side eye anyone who doesn't believe it exclusively because they're a fan of the accused.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

*accused of committing assault

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

I think a lot of people have an idea about what an abusive man is like, and what a good man is like. I kind of get it because if you can't trust a guy who spends his free time rescuing puppies or whatever, who can you trust? It's a step too far for most people to acknowledge that anyone can be a horrible human being no matter what else they pretend to be.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

It's absolutely true, and it also frustrates me to no end, because like... how can people not see that anyone can be a horrible human being?

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Probably because it's hard to be around people and want to get close to anyone with that thought in your head.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

well

that is kinda true

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Depends on what you mean by "defend." Often "defend" just means "refuse to join the lynch mob."

Also depends on what you mean by "assault" because I just don't view someone like Aziz Ansari the same as someone like Harvey Weinstein.

Also depends on whether we're talking about allegations or convictions.

Also we do not live in a black or white world, and it's possible for people to do bad things and still have good qualities, and frankly I find the tendency to completely dehumanize a person for bad behavior nearly as unpleasant as defending it.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Defending them as in, downplaying abuse? Or not believing the accusations? Obviously, someone being accused of something is not the same as them being guilty of it.

Re: Women who defend horrible men

[(Anonymous)]

Women also defend women who have committed assault, to be fair.