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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2018-10-30 06:59 pm
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[ SECRET POST #4318 ]


⌈ Secret Post #4318 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #618.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2018-10-30 11:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Even when both people are written as asexual?

...I actually don't know if I'll be okay with both people in a relationship are asexual, because I'm not sure I've seen one. But one side being asexual makes me uncomfortable, and I think it's because it hits too close to home? Dunno. So, for the most part, I'm in the same camp. And I have no idea why either.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
If one is asexual and one isn't, I just ... *sigh* I don't like it either. I totally get romances that aren't typical and don't have a storybook ending even if it's meant to be happy, but frankly, I hate a lot of those, and this feels like another. Because the non-asexual character is never going to be completely fulfilled without that sexual element, no matter how much they love that person and find that love to be enough (or more than enough).

It's like ... having a gap in your teeth and you can't get over how weird it feels. :P
sarillia: (Default)

[personal profile] sarillia 2018-10-31 12:06 am (UTC)(link)
I've been a non-asexual person in a relationship with an asexual and that wasn't an issue for me. I don't need sex just because I feel physical attraction to people. I know there are people who really would have the problem you're talking about, but I get tired of people generalizing.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I get that. But to me, in a ROMANCE, I want more than that to feel fully satisfied by the story. *shrugs* Real life is different than fiction!

(Anonymous) 2018-11-05 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
romance isn't love, you need fucking in your fic?! love only means screwing?

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
Hey. A real live person married to an ace person.

I have a goddamn hand and toys fucking exist and they're fulfilling enough to meet my needs in that department, and the relationship is perfectly fulfilling! Surprise! It's hella romantic without sex! Just admit you conflate the two!

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
NAYRT

A lot of people do conflate the two, but at the same time it's great that you and your SO are happy, but not everyone could be. There's definitely some barriers (some social, some personal) to an ace person and a non-ace person being in a happy relationship.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 02:51 am (UTC)(link)
You protest a little too much there.

(Anonymous) 2018-11-05 07:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you for giving me a ray of hope in this mostly crappy thread! People do conflate the two and I wish they wouldn't.

(Anonymous) 2018-11-05 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
This whole thread is making me sad because if it's so awful and unrealistic in fiction then what hope is there for me as an asexual to have a romantic but nonsexual relationship in real life?
On the other hand "The nonasexual person can never be satisifed" is up there with "the bisexual partner can never be satisfied without having 2 partners of different genders" , wrong and offensive.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 12:55 am (UTC)(link)
Most of it's written pretty awkwardly and OOC, tbh. For starters, sex-repulsed asexuals are wildly over-represented in fanfic, because apparently it's more dramatic that way, when most asexuals are more sex-neutral. Fanfic's full of denial and anguished clashing of fundamental principles, where if X's dick ever rises in Y's presence, one or both of them will get angry and/or cry. Reality's full of compromise and negotiation, and a lot of times sex falls into the same category as a foot rub, where sometimes you do it because you feel happy and satisfied from making your partner feel good and not necessarily because you love the feeling of toes between your fingers. So far, there's a certain same-ness to the majority of asexual fic that makes me think it's aimed at people with a very specific itch they want scratched. If that's not your thing, you probably won't be that into it.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
^^^^ all of this, yes

it's often written badly or too damn specific and leaves this feeling of dissatisfaction by the fanwork, which I also hate, and I'm an ace myself

I recently read a couple of fics with asexual characters who do enjoy sex with their partner, but for another reasons than it being sex - like, one of them liked the act of closeness, and the other got off on the fact they make their partner feel this way - and I liked it a lot! it just feels far more natural than one part of the couple trying to stiffle their needs to spare the other like it's usually written in fics. relationships are a compromise, it's just realistic!

(Anonymous) 2018-11-05 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
You just compared having a penis shoved in an orifice to rubbing someone's foot? seriously?

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
As a woman with the libido to rival at leat five 18 year old guys at once, I don't find asexuality hot and I don't want to read it. It has no appeal.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
Okay?

(Anonymous) 2018-11-05 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Moffat and his "asexuality is boring" crap must be right up your sex obsessed alley.

(Anonymous) 2018-10-31 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Awww, I'm the opposite! I like seeing asexual people in my romantic fic, I think it's sweet :D (and reminds me of me and my ace girlfriend)

(Anonymous) 2018-11-05 07:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Me too! I want more romantic fiction that isn't about sex!

(Anonymous) 2018-11-01 11:31 am (UTC)(link)
Honestly I avoid tags that make a character asexual, and trans, plus, etc. It has to do with me being a stickler for canon... but more or less, it really just comes down to an author trying to make a point rather than write fanfiction.
Adding specific characteristics like that when a character has given no indication of such- basically, it just means to me that the story is going to be filled with OCCness, and useless drama.
I wont read it, because I have no interest in that.
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