[ SECRET POST #4387 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4387 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #628.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm guessing this is more a case of "I don't feel as if I, at my age, could make a place for myself in a community I have never been part of before, in an era where it is increasingly common and expected that LGBT people have been out/involved in relationships at the same young ages that straight people do, when I would be coming in as a complete neophyte to lesbian culture with zero experience in dating other women" than "my vagina has dried up and blown away and no fellow lady lovin' lady will ever want it." I'm guessing this because it's exactly how my closeted, late-to-the-party ass has been feeling for some time now.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

The prevalence of young people using the term "gold-star gays" makes me so. very. angry. Like yeah, I'm glad that you're growing up in a time where you don't have to choose between your ambitions and your identity, that you never have to live in a closet, but the idea that that is somehow a personal accomplish is... pretty shitty, honestly. You didn't magically make your parents love you so much that it overcame their bigotry and took the conversion camp/disownment options off the table, you were just born into better circumstances. That doesn't make you "more winning" than people who had to deal with morality clauses in contracts or DADA or DOMA. There isn't some big queer scoreboard out there somewhere

(Also, it's laughably exclusionary. How do you achieve gold-star status if you're bi? "I've only ever had sex with people of genders that I am sexually attracted to!" If you're pan? "I've only ever had sex with Eldritch horrors from beyond the stars that are simultaneously all genders and none!")

[(Anonymous)]

Is it actually prevalent, or is it just a tumblr thing

[(Anonymous)]

There was a Netflix comedian who described herself as a gold-star lesbian in one of their show episodes, so it's at least not "just a Tumblr thing," though I'm not sure how prevalent it is in the community at large. IRL spaces tend to be more inclusive than online ones these days, I've found.

[(Anonymous)]

I know that it's something that's existed for a long time as a concept, I just don't think many people seriously believe in it (outside, possibly, of tumblr).

[(Anonymous)]

Nayrt, but i am the person whose comment this chain sprang off of and part of why i feel that way is that i have seen/experienced quite a bit of biphobia from gay women in online lgbt spaces. I've been with a man and never with a woman so far so I am a bit hesitant to possibly experience the kind of vitriol I've seen/experienced online, Irl. Especially knowing nothing of the social culture.

[(Anonymous)]

The 'gold-star lesbian' thing was already old in the 90s as I recall people were fed up of it then and first time I seen it mentioned in a while (then again - gay and not lesbian ... not that I know any current 'gay labels').

[(Anonymous)]

I think that's less true when you get away from the college campus or online spaces that skew young. Coming out after 25 is still definitely a thing.

[(Anonymous)]

Most of my lesbian friends around my age (nearly 50) were previously married to men, and divorced or widowed. I haven't taken a poll, but I know some were bi but had never actually dated women before.

I have gay (well, bi or in denial because religious upbringing) male friends like this too.

I think it's actually easier to be gay and find a partner later in life; nobody's expecting you to be fertile, after all.