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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2019-01-08 06:35 pm
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[ SECRET POST #4387 ]


āŒˆ Secret Post #4387 āŒ‹

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #628.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2019-01-08 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
At your age? If you're posting on FS, how old could you possibly be? And you know there are lesbians of all ages, right?

(Anonymous) 2019-01-08 11:57 pm (UTC)(link)
... do you think that at age 45, your ability to use the internet suddenly dries up and blows away?

(Anonymous) 2019-01-10 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
...Do you think that at age 45, your vagina suddenly dries up and blows away?

(Anonymous) 2019-01-08 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
From previous conversations, we have people in their 60s and 70s posting here. Probably more people in their 50s and 60s than teenagers posting here at this point (I would guess).

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
Ah, yes. Only the youths hang out in "lit" places like dreamwidth. There's also no old people in fandom. Once you hit 30, your fandom membership card is revoked and you have to take up golf and shuffleboard instead.
silverr: closeup of frightened face with the word CRAP (_ohshit)

[personal profile] silverr 2019-01-09 02:01 am (UTC)(link)
yeah, that's what happened to me.

I had to go underground, and get my fandom fixes from the darkweb. :p

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
LOL! A+ avatar choice for your post. :)
rivulet027: (Default)

[personal profile] rivulet027 2019-01-09 06:40 am (UTC)(link)
I played shuffleboard once with a woman I was dating, who was nine years older than me. It was surprisingly fun.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
Not OP, but Iā€™m 30, bi, genderfluid, and married to a straight cis man, so my opportunities to further explore gender/sexuality stuff IRL is pretty limited, especially because I think threesomes are boring af :\

(Anonymous) 2019-01-12 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
I am curious how long you been married anon as sounds like you would prefer to renegotiate things. I ask as cannot imagine feeling that when I do like monogamy and also married and also your age (just gay and married a gay bloke) - feeling sexually restrained (as in even expressing myself) sounds like my nightmare (could be even 'asexual' in this example and not able to go about it my own way). Moresomes are not for everyone nor should it be the only option to evolve - for some it is and it is grand, also not for me. Yes, I tldr as your comment sounds sad to me just like OP's secret and I am awfully young at 30.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 12:52 am (UTC)(link)
I'm guessing this is more a case of "I don't feel as if I, at my age, could make a place for myself in a community I have never been part of before, in an era where it is increasingly common and expected that LGBT people have been out/involved in relationships at the same young ages that straight people do, when I would be coming in as a complete neophyte to lesbian culture with zero experience in dating other women" than "my vagina has dried up and blown away and no fellow lady lovin' lady will ever want it." I'm guessing this because it's exactly how my closeted, late-to-the-party ass has been feeling for some time now.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
+1

The prevalence of young people using the term "gold-star gays" makes me so. very. angry. Like yeah, I'm glad that you're growing up in a time where you don't have to choose between your ambitions and your identity, that you never have to live in a closet, but the idea that that is somehow a personal accomplish is... pretty shitty, honestly. You didn't magically make your parents love you so much that it overcame their bigotry and took the conversion camp/disownment options off the table, you were just born into better circumstances. That doesn't make you "more winning" than people who had to deal with morality clauses in contracts or DADA or DOMA. There isn't some big queer scoreboard out there somewhere

(Also, it's laughably exclusionary. How do you achieve gold-star status if you're bi? "I've only ever had sex with people of genders that I am sexually attracted to!" If you're pan? "I've only ever had sex with Eldritch horrors from beyond the stars that are simultaneously all genders and none!")

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:17 am (UTC)(link)
Is it actually prevalent, or is it just a tumblr thing

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
There was a Netflix comedian who described herself as a gold-star lesbian in one of their show episodes, so it's at least not "just a Tumblr thing," though I'm not sure how prevalent it is in the community at large. IRL spaces tend to be more inclusive than online ones these days, I've found.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
I know that it's something that's existed for a long time as a concept, I just don't think many people seriously believe in it (outside, possibly, of tumblr).

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
Nayrt, but i am the person whose comment this chain sprang off of and part of why i feel that way is that i have seen/experienced quite a bit of biphobia from gay women in online lgbt spaces. I've been with a man and never with a woman so far so I am a bit hesitant to possibly experience the kind of vitriol I've seen/experienced online, Irl. Especially knowing nothing of the social culture.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-12 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
The 'gold-star lesbian' thing was already old in the 90s as I recall people were fed up of it then and first time I seen it mentioned in a while (then again - gay and not lesbian ... not that I know any current 'gay labels').

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
I think that's less true when you get away from the college campus or online spaces that skew young. Coming out after 25 is still definitely a thing.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-10 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
Most of my lesbian friends around my age (nearly 50) were previously married to men, and divorced or widowed. I haven't taken a poll, but I know some were bi but had never actually dated women before.

I have gay (well, bi or in denial because religious upbringing) male friends like this too.

I think it's actually easier to be gay and find a partner later in life; nobody's expecting you to be fertile, after all.

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
i remember in the last year or so I was the youngest in a "how old are you FS?" thread and i'm nearly 24 so I don't think it's as young as people think

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe the OP wanted to have a lesbian experience with someone much younger but if she's much older now that can't really happen unless she has to pay for it. Maybe she's mourning the fact that it didn't happen much much earlier in her life so she could get who she wanted?

(Anonymous) 2019-01-09 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
It's... sweetly naive of you to think that FS is only a hangout for young people. I'm guessing you're young yourself? Because usually only the young are this oblivious to the fact that older people still exist and have hobbies and interests and feelings and that none of this stops just because you get older.
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