[ SECRET POST #4413 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4413 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #632.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

06. https://i.imgur.com/d11dh97.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

They've told you without telling you. Probably best to move on.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. It's rude of them, and it hurts like hell. I'm sorry, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

Is it terrible that I wanted to red-pen this secret?

[(Anonymous)]

LOL, so did I. I assumed the OP did that on purpose.

[tabaqui]

Yeah, seems like they've lost interest, Anon, and that sucks. I've been there.
I would definitely look around for another person/people to share with, and just shoot your person an email saying something like 'I feel like you're really not into this pairing anymore, and that's fine, but I need more immediate feedback, so I'm going to be sending my WIP stuff elsewhere. Thanks for all your help! I'm happy to keep looking over your stuff, though.'

That way, since you've kind of alleviated their guilt, they might open up and tell you what's going on, or they might not. It's too bad they can't just be up front with you.

Good luck!

[(Anonymous)]

I suggested something similar! It might not hurt for OP to let them know they're also open to non-fandom things. But as I said in my own comment, be warned that they may not be interested in a non-fandom friendship. Hopefully they will,; they may in fact just not be sure whether OP wants one. However, I have to say that I was in a fandom that closed, and a lot of my friendships just ended. Including very close ones, which was so strange and hurtful. I sometimes think fandom's a bit like school or a workplace; you can be very close while you're both there, but once one or both of you leaves, that's it.

[(Anonymous)]

SA - To elaborate on my last point, obviously that's not always the case. Just like you keep in touch with some friends from school and work, you can have fandom friends beyond fandom. But often the friendship just tapers off. :/

[tabaqui]

It really is like that, sometimes. I have a few friends who are just *friends* - I've even met them in real life, and we talk all the time.

And then, some of my fandom friends have just drifted away, into other fandoms or into life, and they're just...gone.

It's a bit sad, but...there it is.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for the advise!
I don't feel like we're drifting apart, but they do tend to lose interest in the fandom for a bit and return to it later, it happened a few times already. Whatever the reason though, I won't be sending them my writing anymore I think. I just finished a fic so it's convenient.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not very considerate of them but by their reaction they ARE telling you they've lost interest. I don't think there'd be any point to bringing it up because what would you want from that exchange? You know they've lost interest. You've seen that they have. Is it really important to you to hear it explicitly and directly from their mouths? Because there really isn't a way to extract that from your friend without making it awkward.

There's a saying called "drop the rope". It applies to relationships that are meant to be reciprocal, but in fact one person is putting in most of the effort for little to no return. That person usually ends up feeling sad, resentful, angry, etc. at the other person who isn't pulling their weight. But the solution is simple: drop the rope.

Find more writer friends who are interested and engaged in giving you the feedback you want. Don't waste time trying to get it from someone who isn't willing to give it.

[(Anonymous)]

Yyyyyyyyep, this.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you.
Yeah, I decided I won't be brigning it up after all, because you're right, I don't really need a reaction, it's pretty clear how it is. Just gonna move on.

[(Anonymous)]

I went through that with a few people. It sucks, but sometimes people lose interest in fandoms, and if that's your main point of interaction, said interaction suffers for it.

You could always send them a message and say you miss them, and if they don't want to work on the fandom stuff, you understand. See what happens. Maybe it will go somewhere. Be warned, though, that you may be drifting. I'm sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

jfc every secret these days is just riddled with annoying errors but this one is the worst

[(Anonymous)]

Are you volunteering to be their new beta, or are you just being a dick?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry, english is not my 1st language, I write fic in my home language though. u__u

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend/beta is being selfish and clearly no longer wants to beta your fic. They're being pretty rude by ghosting/fading on you and not telling up upfront, but do yourself a favor - don't hang on to this relationship by telling yourself "if only they'd just tell me straight up", etc. etc. Actions speak louder than words.

Honestly, I wouldn't even beta for them if I were you, but if you can truly do this without feeling resentful and angry that your friend is a taker and not a giver, then go for it. And this is good advice in general: it is never a bad thing to expand your friendship circle to find good, nice people who can be relief upon.

[rivulet027]

Join a writing group?

[(Anonymous)]

Friendship shouldn't be based on anyone doing something they don't want/have times for/care for someone else.

Instead of expecting your friend to do something for you, find betas who are into your ships. Maybe you'll become friends with them.