176: Speaking as a real lesbian who happens to be into fandom: You are making excuses for yourself because you don't want to come out, and you don't want to admit that you've lied.
It is totally understandable that you've lied, because society isn't that accepting of real lesbians (as opposed to fake airbrushed doing-it-to-turn-my-boyfriend-on pr0n lesbians, and can I just say FUCK KATY PERRY?). I lied, too, before I came out. And it was deathly embarrassing to admit to it. To say: "I was lying. I was making it up. I didn't want to admit the truth, so I pretended."
But here's the thing... The "fandom lesbians" are not what's stopping you. Maybe there's a possibility that their existence will make people doubt you, but what's really going to make people doubt you is your own behaviour. If you are honest from now on, you will give people reasons to believe that you really are what you say you are, and that your previous behaviour was a front. The more you lie, the harder it becomes to tell the truth.
When you do come out, trust me, all of your doubts and fears will seem so stupid and ridiculous in retrospect that you'll say to yourself "what was stopping me?" If your friends are as supportive as you say, they'll believe you and they won't do anything to hurt you.
I hope you find it in you to come out, because it will make your life enormously better. Seriously, it's like taking off a corset. You'll be able to breathe again.
176
It is totally understandable that you've lied, because society isn't that accepting of real lesbians (as opposed to fake airbrushed doing-it-to-turn-my-boyfriend-on pr0n lesbians, and can I just say FUCK KATY PERRY?). I lied, too, before I came out. And it was deathly embarrassing to admit to it. To say: "I was lying. I was making it up. I didn't want to admit the truth, so I pretended."
But here's the thing... The "fandom lesbians" are not what's stopping you. Maybe there's a possibility that their existence will make people doubt you, but what's really going to make people doubt you is your own behaviour. If you are honest from now on, you will give people reasons to believe that you really are what you say you are, and that your previous behaviour was a front. The more you lie, the harder it becomes to tell the truth.
When you do come out, trust me, all of your doubts and fears will seem so stupid and ridiculous in retrospect that you'll say to yourself "what was stopping me?" If your friends are as supportive as you say, they'll believe you and they won't do anything to hurt you.
I hope you find it in you to come out, because it will make your life enormously better. Seriously, it's like taking off a corset. You'll be able to breathe again.