[ SECRET POST #4441 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4441 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #636.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not suggesting anyone sugarcoat the past. You can believe someone did their best, given their broken pasts, and still think they're an asshole.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

Like I said, I very doubt much that emotional abuse is their best. It feels like making an excuse for people who don't deserve that kind of slack.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

It's not about making excuses, it's about understanding. Doing the latter does not mean you are doing the former.

I get why it's scary to think about. Some things shouldn't be normalized, and I'm glad we're moving away from assuming kids must be little shits because they aren't doing what mom/dad/society expects of them.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

You and I disagree about what constitutes excuses and what's "understanding". I find that trying to view other peoples' terrible behavior in a rosier light than what actually happened is false comfort. Worse yet, it often leads people to believe what isn't true - that their families aren't that bad, they didn't mean it, etc. etc. The combination of wishful thinking and fooling yourself by sweeping peoples' behavior under the rug is not good. If you've ever wondered why people get out of bad relationships only to fall right back in... that's why. They convince themselves it was better than it was, and that it's necessary to forgive people who hurt you, even if they're not sorry and are going to keep hurting you.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

You define understanding as viewing people's behavior in a rosy light. I do not. Understanding the why does not mean you put yourself back in harm's way and let the offender continue offending you. It just means you get why they're limited as people. This is good knowledge, because it helps break the cycle.

And honestly, it's not up to anyone to decide whether forgiveness/understanding is right or a waste of time for someone else. People have different needs, and for some, forgiveness suits them. It does not make them deluded about their situation. For others, no forgiveness is better. Or maybe a mix of forgiveness and distance. YMMV.

Understanding is not making excuses. Making excuses is not understanding.