fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4483 ]

I don't even know, I just want to complain about my own mental issues lol. See, I've been losing weight for the last year and four months (and fifteen days) and it's great, I'm down about 75 pounds.

What's less great is that I'm five pounds away from the lowest point I've been in more than a decade and I'm fucking terrified of getting below that number. I've been wavering between 65-75 pounds lost for the last six months because every time I start to dip down further I wind up having panic and axiety attacks over not knowing my own body if I go past that point.

I've brought it up with a therapist, I've tried doing the healthy thing without the scale to see if I can lose past that point without 'seeing' the number and I'm just so bloody stuck it's frustrating. I want so badly to get past this number (I still have a shitton to lose) but I keep self-sabotaging and I don't know how to break the cycle of bouncing around these same ten pounds because I can't get past myself mentally to keep losing. :/

I’m sorry. You’re really strong to get this far.

I don't have any advice for you, but I would like to give you mad respect and props for how much you've accomplished already.

I'm naturally skinny, so I can't directly relate. However, I do struggle with something that a lot of other people find normal and easy, and that's getting up before noon. I try not to think about the fact that I've spent a decade of my life sleeping in until anywhere from 10AM to 4PM most days (I'm on partial disability, but I have a part time job, so there are a couple of days a week where I do have to get up early). It gets in the way of so much living, plus I end up going to work on like 3 hours of sleep which is hell, and it's not even like I'm getting as much rest as I want; I still have to set an alarm every day or I'll sleep until, like, night.

Whenever I see people talking about their weight loss, I think about my own battle with my circadian rhythm. Because it's so hard for me, even though for other people it's not hard at all. And I have mad respect for people who manage to lose a bunch of weight with lifestyle changes, because they've done something I haven't been able to do.

I got nothing - I've been gaining weight pretty steadily for years and can't seem to focus long enough to do anything about it but be sad, so I have zero mental framework for your issue. Good luck though! I'm glad you're making progress towards your goals, even if that progress - and those goals - are also causing you distress because Brains Amirite.

Now *my* vent:
I hate my D&D group and I'm going to quit as soon as this side quest is over. Fuck all these fuckers - I took a couple of sessions to just go "You're on the road, have a random encounter" so I could learn how to DM, and they whined that they weren't getting to do any roleplaying (even though I specifically invited them to roleplay with one another - like, their characters can just, like, talk to each other? It's allowed?). So I cut the travel short and moved them onto the sidequest I wrote, laid out my lovingly handdrawn map, and said, "Come in, it's a few hours until dinner, feel free to have a look around just don't get in the way of the staff!"
And They Did Nothing.
They literally just had their characters sit in one room! For like an hour in-game! And then they got shown their rooms for the night and they sat there! And did nothing! For another hour! And then dinner came and I started describing the courses which I spent maybe a little too much time researching, and I got "Is This Relevant?"
MOTHERFUCKER SHUT YOUR FACE
And they barely spoke to anyone over dinner, and then the character whose entire role was to die died and my players FUCKED SHIT UP AGAIN! They were arseholes to everyone! They didn't keep track of the NPCs, and when I suggested people take notes I got a *very* huffy response about how [player] takes minutes at meetings and her memory is fine and she's taking notes in her head, THANKS (which is honestly going to be hilarious when I point out they missed there was an extra servant who they never got introduced to, and none of them noticed me explicitly pointing her out). They fucking THREATENED the newly widowed lady of the house! In her own house! Surrounded by her friends and family and staff!
They wasted heaps of time trying to get into a room with Zero Secret Tunnels Guys What Are You Doing, and only found the actual entrance to the secret tunnel in the last five minutes of the session.
Next session, they're either gonna go down that tunnel and meet a Succubus and find they're being followed by a Yochlol, or they're NOT gonna go down the tunnel and the butler of the house (who they've been quite rude to) is gonna get tired of their shit and rip them several new orifices because he's a Githzerai.

*deep breath*

So yeah, not having as much fun with D&D as I hoped.

Out of curiosity, did you do a session zero with them?

Sort of? I sat them down at the start of the first session and told them the quest, when we got to it, was going to be a murder mystery Agatha Christie-style, that they'd need to spend a fair amount of time looking around and talking to people and rolling perception, that I would reward roleplaying, or even just attempting roleplaying because none of them do it enough - does that count? I was advised by lots of people I spoke to, that I should do a session zero, but maybe I just didn't do it right.

You explained all the stuff you intend to do, but did the players state what they wanted? Do they have any arcs they want to take their characters on? If they don't know either or disagree with each other, that might cause issues.

Like, what is their definition of roleplay that they want to do, that you're not letting them do? Is it strictly interacting with NPCs as a group and working as a mystery solving team? Is their aim to solve the puzzle or to carry out any secondary personal aims? Do they HAVE any IC secondary personal aims? If not, why, and why are they all together even? In general as players, what do they want to get out of this game? That kind of thing

Well, it's only a side quest to give the main DM a few weeks to write more of the main quest, so we all just expect that our personal arcs and so forth will pick back up when the main quest resumes. But no, no-one told me anything they particularly wanted out of it (apart from, as I mentioned in my screed above, complaining about me not giving them roleplay opportunities). To be fair, I don't think I asked.
I think I'll ask them what they actually want as far as roleplay opportunities go, that they feel I am not providing.

Honestly, their characters are such self-centred dicks I'm a little surprised they're bothering to investigate the murder, even if they are stuck in the house overnight. They could just go upstairs and go to bed.

Aww, I love characters that are self-centered dicks ... when the players themselves are fully aware the characters are dicks and are playing it up for the luls, which it doesn't sound like they're doing...

But yeah, if the roleplay opportunities they're looking for turn out to be like I ROLL TO SEDUCE THE MAIDS or whatever then maybe the group itself is just not what you're looking for.

Yeah, well. I'll ask what they're actually looking for - if they can't tell me, or they tell me something I already provided, that will make me feel better, because it'll tell me they're just being jerks.

And like I said - I'm probably gonna leave. It was really nice learning D&D with a fairly regular group - almost every Sunday for most of a year - but I'm getting real tired of their shit, and I can probably find something better to do with five hours a week.

I've heard the phrase 'The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.' and thought it was a bit extreme... until I actually started dealing with people at my job and I honestly love my dog more. People are horrible and if there ever comes a super villain to offer me a job to destroy the world my reply would end up being "sure, where do I sign in?"

tl;dr I hate people.

I know exactly how you feel. For me I think it's because i'm afraid of losing my main emotional crutch - food. If i'm having a down day then food. If i'm tired then food. Usually chocolate.

The normal ways in which I lose weight are to try really hard but in the back of my mind I know it's not forever. Eventually i'll be able to emotionally eat again. But for some reason losing lots of weight feels like i'm going to have to survive without that crutch forever and it terrifies me.

Breaking that crutch - no idea how at tge moment. But knowing your enemy I guess is the first step.

You're doing incredibly well nonny. Good luck, I hope you figure out your block and break it.

[ SECRET POST #4483 ]

Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?

Re: Vent thread?