fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4590 ]

[ SECRET POST #4590 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4590 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Good Omens]

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03.

[Jay and Silent Bob Reboot]

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04.

[Masterchef Australia]

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05.

[The Witcher]

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06.

[Michael Sheen and his girlfriend, Swedish actress Anna Lundberg]

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07.

[Project Mc2, Bryden and Camryn]

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08.

[Good Omens]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 22 secrets from Secret Submission Post #657.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Did you crush on older people when you were young? How about now at your current age? How many years is too many for you? Are you against age gaps in general, except for [insert specific person]?

Or in general, leave your .02 about age gaps here.

Hell yes. Peter O'Toole was one of my hard-core crushes when I was a kid (pre-teen). Same for Omar Sharif.

So long as everyone is of age, consenting, and happy, I don't much care. Obviously, someone with a skeevy history of fucking around their younger (or older) partners isn't good, but in general, i don't see the big deal.

Hell yes to Omar Sarif!

When it came to celebrities, hell, yeah. Many of my celebrity crushes were much older than me. Some of them still are, and I'm in my mid-30s. And when I was in 6th grade, I had a small crush on my science teacher.

When it comes to guys I've actually dated, however, or any other crushes I've had that I know personally, they've all been my age or a year older at most. Now that I'm in my 30s, I don't think it'd be considered nearly as weird for me to date guys a good number of years older than me, but I do think, for my own part, I may get on better with somebody closer to my age.

Ultimately, though, I think so long as both parties are of legal age, it's really not my or anyone else's business what the age difference is. As long as they're happy together and treat each other well, that's the most important thing, I'd say.

I had crushes almost exclusively on older men when I was a teen, and even still now that I’m in my 30s. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with age gaps between consenting adults until they get into “older person has a succession of relationships with barely legal (<18) people who they dump as soon as they hit their 20s for a new fresh face” territory, to the point where it’s obvious that they care more about their fetish for youth than about their partners.

But then, that’s not a problem with age gaps so much as it is with assholes.

Did you crush on older people when you were young?

In real life, I never hung out with people significantly older enough to be "age gap" territory. For fictional or celeb crushes, I think everyone who has ever crushed has crushed on someone older, because you watch TV or movies or like bands and when you're a teenager everyone in them is older than you. So that doesn't mean anything.

How about now at your current age?

Nope.

How many years is too many for you?

Of age gap? Depends on how old the people are. In theory, I personally wouldn't date anyone over 50 - half their age +7 - or under 23 - half my age +7. I'm less likely to be interested in people the further apart they are from me.

Are you against age gaps in general, except for [insert specific person]?

No, my reaction is a big shrug.

Yeah, I had crushes, but crushes are just fancies and don't really matter unless you choose to act on them. That's kind of the rub there.

My partner is eight years older than I am. We met when I was 23.

In general, it depends. I've known habitual chickenhawks who were kinda creepy and a bit self-destructive in pulling barely-legal "straight" bros. And I think middle-aged straight dudes choosing to habitually date women in their 20s are probably exercising a bit of privilege, although that's usually consensual. Whether that applies to a specific couple or not is not my call.

My celebrity crushes have always been older than me. The guys I've dated have all been my age or a year younger/older.

I don't mind age gaps IRL because people can mind their own business.

I loathe it in fiction, except for some very specific kinks. Student/Teacher or other varieties of "teenager and person professionally involved with them" is the absolute worst.

+1

Student/Teacher is the absolute worst. It's never not creepy.

Same! IRL I don't care as long as everyone is an adult and happy, but in fiction I just can't stand it.

Significant and predatory age gaps creep me out, especially if the older person is old enough to be the younger person's parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, etc.

What if people were only allowed to date within their respective age groups? For example, people in their 30s only date other 30 year olds within a 10 year gap. Nothing beyond that.
For people in their 20s, they only date within a five year gap. For people in their teens, only a one year age gap until 18, but after that, only within two years.

How would society function if age differences in relationships were regulated in such a way?

I personally would’ve been miserable until right around now in my mid-30s, because I’ve always been attracted to people in the 40-65 age range, even as a teen.

Once someone is an adult and of legal age, regulating what other consenting adult they can date and enforcing it is a dangerous idea.

Who is it enforced by, anyway? Will the government, or worse, the police, be carding everyone at date spots? What's the punishment?

If you're 30, you can date a 39 year old but not a 29 year old? If you're 29, you can date a 24 year old but not a 30 year old? If you're 40, you're arbitrarily declared over the hill and automatically a predator if you date someone that's 35?

lol

On the other hand, such regulations could prevent people from entering into certain toxic relationships, or prevent predators from pursuing younger people.

Probably enforced by the government as well as society itself, seeing age gaps as cultural taboo. The usual punishment ranges from monetary fines, privileges taken away, restraining orders, jail time, etc. It depends on the situation.

Well, the 40 year old has to deal with other 40 year olds, but for the borderline ages like 29/30, 39/40, etc or even 19/20, there could be some kind of one year gap exception.

NAYRT, but this is a really creepy and gross idea. Once a person is an adult, they can date/sleep with/marry whoever they choose to, and as someone who’s only ever been attracted to people significantly older than me, I’m really glad your hypothetical world isn’t reality. Yes, adults who sleep/pursue relationships with minors are creeps, but that’s why those things are already taboo and illegal. Just because age gaps between consenting adults creep you out doesn’t mean you get to make me and people like me suffer or be seen as perverts.

I can see in that hypothetical world, it can become dystopian for a number of people. I'm sorry. It was not my intention to make it personal. I'm bringing up a hypothetical scenario where age is a definitive factor and how it would affect society in general.

Great idea! In addition, we should also regulate what genders, races, and sexualities people can date. Obviously women shouldn't date men, since there are such high male-on-female domestic abuse rates. But bisexual women also shouldn't date other women, because those relationships have the highest proportional rate of domestic abuse... Hmm. This is getting complicated. Someone will need to draw up a diagram of what demographics are allowed to date each other.

But what if only age is regulated, not gender/sex/race, etc.

Turns out a number of people may feel ~lonely~ but what about the ones who don't feel attraction to anyone?

such regulations could prevent people from entering into certain toxic relationships

Except here's the thing:

1) There are SO MANY REASONS and SO MANY WAYS that a relationship can become toxic; if you start denying people certain rights as a preventative measure, you may as well just make all relationships that aren't government arranged illegal. And even then, I'd bet all the money I have there would still be plenty of toxic relationships occurring.

2) People have the right to enter into (and even to remain in) toxic relationships. We don't have the right to forbid them from doing so. If one or both of the people in the relationship break the law in their conduct towards each other, then we have the right to report them and the law has the right to step in. But if you tried to forcibly stop another adult from acting on their own free will because you'd deemed their relationship toxic, then you'd be the one in breach of the law.

prevent predators from pursuing younger people

That's what Age Of Consent and Statutory Rape Laws are for.

Gil Grissom from CSI was the only crush I had who was much older than me. I think he was about 48 and I was 18 during my CSI phase.

At my current age (31) my fictional crushes are all over the age spectrum. I barely crush on real people at all, though, and I ship WAAAAY harder than I crush (cuz I'm some kinda wonky gray ace or whatever).

As for how I feel about age gaps IRL, I'd say I'm pretty chill about them. As someone else said, it can get kind of creepy if a person only pursues barely-legal partners and then dumps them for new barely-legal partners. But as that other person upthread said, that's more an issue of someone being both fetishy and an asshole. I don't think there's anything inherently bad or unhealthy or abusive about age-gaps, even really large ones.

If one of my cousins (who are 18 and 20) started dating someone much older than them, I think I would be chill and treat it like any other relationship. But if it ever started to seem like the relationship was abusive, I would do what I could to make sure they knew they weren't alone and that they had my help if they needed it.

Yup. MY type was always 30s to 40s, even when I was a teenager. Not as much of an age gap anymore.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4590 ]

Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?

Re: Inspired by 6 - age gaps, yay or nay?