[ SECRET POST #4595 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4595 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #658.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

how does one go about befriending someone again when the last time you spoke you fought over one being too sad to be helped or talk to anyone? i wanted to protect my friend from the sadness and that just made it worse, but i don't want it to devour them either by bringing it up again

[(Anonymous)]

<3 <3 <3 I really sympathize.

Assuming that you're the person who was trying to help, and not the person who was depressed - my advice is not to press them or pressure them into talking about it. Be present for them but let them take it at their own pace.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

im actually the person who was (is) depressed, sorry

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Ah! OK, that changes things a little.

What I would say is, basically, it probably won't work to try to keep your friend from the sadness and isolate yourself. So you have to come up with some other approach to handling it that will work for both of you - a way that you're comfortable talking about it, and living with it, and still having a relationship with your friend. I definitely know how it is when you're depressed and your depression mind is telling you not to do things or say things and it's frustrating and scary and self-defeating and I really sympathize. But I think as long as you're aware that it's something your brain does, and you're trying to deal with it and handle it, and if you can be open with your friend that it's a process you're going through - IMO that goes a long way

I have no idea if that made sense but... yeah

Re: OP

[rosehiptea]

Having been the depressed person in the situation, I second this advice.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure I understand. The person you want to help argued that they were too sad to be helped or to talk to anyone? Then I'm afraid you can't force them, even if you think it's for their own good. You can let them know you're there to listen if they feel like talking, and gently encourage (don't nag) them to get help, but honestly, if it's something that's a touchy issue, why do you need to bring it up again?

OP

[(Anonymous)]

no, i argued that, sorry. im the one with the sadness i wanted to keep from my friend. i see how the syntax was ambiguous

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who has struggled with depression for a very long time, my suggestions are there:

1. Write (letter or email), so that the person you contact has time to digest).
2. Tell them that you miss them.
3. Tell them that you appreciate now what they were trying to do back then.
4. After that, focus on the present; tell them what you're doing now, ask questions about what they're doing now.

It's possible that it may take them time to reply; it's also possible that they might not reply at all. But if they were a good friend then, it's also possible that they'll be willing to see what can be done to repair the friendship and move forward.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Seconding the advice of the anon above me.

FWIW, I lost a friend to a pretty similar situation (I was in your friend's position) and I'd be happy if the person got back in touch with me. :) Good luck, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

It depends on how bad the fight was, what was said and how long it's been since you last spoke with this person. In general, I'd follow this guideline:

* keep it short - don't try to include lengthy explanations of why you acted/said the things you did, or try to spin it too much as you protecting your friend.

* if you think an apology is due your friend, make it and keep that short and sincere without trying to make excuses.

* don't push for reconciliation even if that's what you had in mind.

* don't automatically expect your friendship to return to normal.



I'd probably say something like, "The last time we talked I was in a bad place. I know you were only trying to help, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind for it. I miss our friendship and I hope you're doing well."