fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4657 ]

[ SECRET POST #4657 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4657 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 37 secrets from Secret Submission Post #667.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've been living with family my whole life. I'm 29 now and finally moved out and am living with roommates. My family is dysfunctional so there was always a bit of fighting. Also, it was messy, noisy, and I barely had room. My new place is super quiet and clean and I have so much room.

But I can't stop crying and I don't know why. I do miss my family but they're close and I see them every weekend. It's only been a few days but I just want to pack up and go home. I don't know if it's homesickness or fear of change or what.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Should I stick it out and see how it goes?

Stick it out. If you feel that way in a couple months, rethink your options. A few days is no where enough to adjust.

The lease is for six months so I think I'll give it until then. You're right, it's only been a few days. I just didn't think I'd be this upset.

It's a major change, anon. Feeling upset is perfectly normal, and it might be a combination of homesickness or just feeling overwhelmed about everything being new. My advice is to be kind to yourself, lots of self-care, let yourself feel however you feel. But do give it time. A few days is not much time to adjust to a new way of living after nearly three decades living at home.

Thanks. I'm trying to distract myself by re-reading my favorite books. I didn't think I'd be this miserable though.

Probably a mix.

You're used to one thing. Now you have another thing instead of the thing you're used to. It's unfamiliar, it's weird, it's scary, and even if you know it'll be better for you in the long run, there's an impulse to reject it all and go back to what you knew.

You say your family is dysfunctional. Do you feel like maybe you don't deserve the situation you have now? Because you do. You went for it and you got it. You're paying for it. It's yours. If it feels empty, you just need to fill it with something. It's your space and you get to express yourself in it.

Give it time. Growing pains are hell, but you can get through them.

Thanks. It's not that I don't feel I deserve it. My family was dysfunctional but loving. I'm very introverted and my family members are my only friends. I'm happy with that. There were just some differences that made it difficult to be around them sometimes.

I'm going to stay until the lease ends in six months. Not sure what I'll do after that though.

It's a big transition. It's OK for it to be difficult. You should definitely stick it out but you should also definitely have someone to talk about this with and try and work out where your emotions are at and if there's anything you can do to make it better. Good luck!

Thanks. I don't really have anyone besides family to talk to though. It was never a problem for me before. I've never been the talkative type, I preferred to think things through on my own. It's just confusing because I achieved a goal of mine but I did not expect it to be this difficult.

I've never been in the situation personally, but my roommate first year of college cried for nearly a month straight despite her parents visiting/going home every weekend.

Big change is scary. In your case I imagine it might also be a little bit of questioning whether this big change is something you deserve, especially when it seems to be a dramatically different and far more peaceful situation than what you're used to.

Definitely stick it out for your lease length at minimum, but if there's someone in your life you can break this down with (friend, close co-worker, therapist), I would suggest doing that to.

Also, try and make friends your roommates (you don't mention them much so I am assuming they're not close friends), even just by trying to cook a meal together once a week, or in-home movie or game night, something casual you can do to get to know each other without it being stressful or too much.

Good luck!

I'm going to wait it out until the lease ends in six months. Not sure what I'll do after that.

It is more peaceful but I actually miss the noise. My roommates are the types to stay in their room, like me. We get along well enough but I doubt we'll be friends.

From someone whose family was super dysfunctional, when I could finally step away a bit, I cried for the same reason a pressure cooker vents a lot of steam when you take the lid off.

Sounds like your family is just... a lot, as opposed to abusive or anything, but I think your idea of at least sticking things out for six months until the lease is up is a good one. Good luck, and congrats on taking such a big scary step.

Thanks. Sorry about your family situation. Mine wasn't abusive or anything. Just complete opposites from me. Our home was also really small so there wasn't much space for everyone. I'll try to stick it out.

I agree with everyone else about sticking it out. The first few days are weird for everyone.

I would also urge you to actively try to build your own life. Make friends, find a hobby (ideally one involving a regular group meetup), explore the city. If you had a change of work place, talk to everyone there. You can do it as a challenge: talk to two people every day, one of them someone you hadn't talked to before.

I see this at university a lot. Some kids travel home to their families every weekend, and so they never join any activities their (potential) new friends get up to on the weekends, and then those friendships stay superficial. They have no real life at home anymore but don't really build a new one either. That's not a horrible thing per se, of course, just. I think it helps to be aware of how these things play out, and what you want, and how you feel comfortable. So my suggestion is, the first time someone asks you do something with them instead of visiting your family, even if whatever they're planning is not that big a deal, join them. Just so you did it once.

Good luck!

I cried in my dorm room when I went away to trade school, but after a few months, I thought of my dorm as my home. It will get better.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4657 ]

Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread

Re: Advice Thread