[ SECRET POST #4679 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4679 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 31 secrets from Secret Submission Post #670.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I think today is the first day I've really been convinced that I'm just a sad fucking social leper.

Either that, or the people running my department/company are trying their goddamneddest to run me the fuck out of this place, because I'm basically useless as a member of the team, and they're only "keeping" me because I was grandfathered in and I haven't gotten the memo I'm not worth shit.

Don't get me wrong, some of this is self-inflicted, but I don't need the added isolation on top of that, you know? I'm socially retarded as it is. I get that I should probably make the rounds more. But it all seems so forced and fake. I'm happier in a small group where some interaction happens. But I also know I'm not entitled to what I'm happy with.

That doesn't mean I appreciate it when they basically remove everyone out of the office except for me and the one person who's rarely there anyway. Or when I get reassigned to a different "department" where the other members of my team are in a completely different place. Or when I tell them of MY plans to move so that I can be closer to my team, they reassign me to a completely different team. Or when I finally end up where I end up, people leave anyway and they don't fill the spots. Or when the one person who sees you there from your old place and tells you they miss you, only to later ignore you every other time they're there.

I'm pretty sure it's me though. I just haven't gotten the memo I'm not wanted, because I'm too dumb to get with the times. I try to jump through their hoops and do what they suggest/ask/say, but it feels like everyday is a test and I'm failing it. I feel like a burden because I bounce between drowning in work to barely having any at all, and feel like I don't deserve even what they pay me because my schedule isn't busy enough. Everybody else can multitask and put in crazy hours at night and on the weekend, and spearhead all sorts of complex projects, but here I am, the hourly loser whose cares disappear the minute I clock out. I feel like I'm taking their scraps, and that I'm putting more work on them by asking them for more work, which makes no sense but for some reason I have it in my head that I should automatically know what I can do to contribute, because I'm convinced everyone else does but me. Yet I refuse to go that extra mile. I think that it would kill me.

So yeah, pretty miserable here. But I can't go anywhere else right now. I'm not sure I can go anywhere else. I don't even like what I do, and I'm sure it's physically hurting me. I can't even start over to do what I actually do like, because it's a time-sensitive thing and you need connections and a sense of reality, neither of which I have.

(I'm not asking advice, and I'm not asking for ass-kissing or sympathy or rebukes. This is the vent thread and I'm just venting. I don't know if I can get my head on straight until I get it out. And I'm aware a lot of this is self-pity, but thanks if you read all of it anyway.)

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I hope things work out for you.