[ SECRET POST #4701 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4701 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 22 secrets from Secret Submission Post #673.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

What fandom?

Your insult betrays your point. You're the one who doesn't have close friends if you don't think that real friends aren't as close as your siblings. You may not literally live and die with them, but you're going to be with them forever. The fact that so many people dump their friends after getting an SO just goes to show how we treat people as disposable.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

You honestly sound really young. Most people do not go through their whole lives with their "family" of best friends-- people change, people drift, people fall away, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just how life is. It has nothing to do with SOs or people being "disposable" or anything along those lines-- it's simply that most people will never stay so static that they have enough in common with the people they knew years and years past to remain as close as they once were.

[(Anonymous)]

Most people do not go through their whole lives with their "family" of best friends-- people change, people drift, people fall away,

You mean like... Real families??? Oh gasp no, say it isn't so! Real Family is just Super Duper Close Always!!!

Also considering most canons aren't fluffy happy fun times, I'd think a big shared adventure would keep a lot of people close for a long time just because they're people you went through it all with.

[(Anonymous)]

Real Family is just Super Duper Close Always!!!

I literally... said... the opposite? In fact I'd venture that most families aren't in fact Super Duper Close Always, or even terribly "close," and I say that as someone that is fairly close with her family. We adore each other, but we'd all kill one another if we had to live together again. That's normal.

I'd think a big shared adventure would keep a lot of people close for a long time

Untrue, actually! I'll have to go on a quick look for them, but there's studies showing that people that form attachments through intense experiences end up having a brief period of getting extreme "highs" from the relationship, before the glue of said experience (now past) wilts away and leaves massive, uncrossable gaps between them where common interests and such would normally fill in. They're relationships of convenience and comfort that only last as long as the experience itself does, in other words.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, especially to your second point! And fandom seems aware of and more than happy to accept this when it's about romance: "Oh all that she silly YAs where the main boy and girl end up together just because they think saving the world together out of necessity makes them soulmates lol they're not gonna last a year" - but when it's wholesome platonic non icky het hormones "found family", saving the world together is a lifelong commitment.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

But it's fiction. It's a fantasy either way.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe you're from a gr8 family, but found family is all some of us have, so yeah, we're a lot more invested in that than romance. It's not about ~teh icky hets~ (the only people I see bitching about this are heterosexuals who tend to be upset that people aren't swallowing every shallow as fuck het ship ever), so much as being tired of romance being crammed down our throats and treated as so much better/more important than familial or even friendly bonds. See: every story ever where two people are pretty much raised together, but because he's a boy and she's a girl, they just HAAAAAAVE to get together!!1!!1!1!1!!!111!1!

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I was thinking this myself.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I have had many, many close friends in my life. I still have friends from childhood, high school, college. There is exactly one out of all of them who I consider family. Friends truly THAT close are hard to find. If you think all your close friends are going to be super close and there for you forever, and you expect to be able to be the same for all of them, you're going to be very disappointed.

It's not an insult. It's a fact. It's not bad not to have any close friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Whoa there... OP was... pretty blunt. But "you're going to be with them forever" isn't really an accurate description of how most friendships work. Chances are you'll have an evolving circle of friends, some who stick around and some who don't. Most peoples' circle of friends who are as close as siblings is very, very small. And unfortunately, that's not a guarantee that they'll be around forever, either. Life has a way of doing that to people.

It's not so much that people are disposable, it's that people change. A lot. Every major life change alters you, and sometimes the friendships you had when you were your previous self won't work the same way after that change.

[(Anonymous)]

The concept of "found family" is different from "close friends", though. It's literally a replacement or expansion for blood family, which generally doesn't fluctuate like the friendships you're describing. Even a friend who is as close as a sibling isn't generally lumped in with "found family".

[(Anonymous)]

I considered my best friend from my pre-teen and teenage years to be like my sister. We were super close. Life took us in different directions, geographically as well as metaphorically, and we began drifting apart even without any significant SOs to dump the other over. No one was disposable in this situation. It was just too hard to maintain a long-distance friendship when we no longer had much in common. We haven't talked on the phone or even communicated online since maybe 2003 or 2004, and since we drifted apart pre-Facebook, we don't even have that passive keeping tabs on each other thing going on. I have no idea where she is now.

[(Anonymous)]

An SO is found family, too.

Also, I don't agree that "as close as your siblings" means what you seem to think it means. I love my brother dearly and we're close, but when I decided to buy a house, I certainly didn't wonder "But how will this affect my brother, who lives in a different city?" (Answer: it wouldn't.) Similarly, a friend of mine used to be roommates with her cousin, and they are good friends and made good roommates. When she decided she wanted to buy a house, she knew they would have to stop living together because she wanted a place closer to her job and that would be inconvenient for him. I'm sure she talked to him beforehand but didn't hesitate to buy a house just because it meant they wouldn't be roommates anymore. There's a difference between having a loving, supportive relationship with a relative or friend where your lives closely intersect, and having a life partner relationship where you more or less live the same life together.