[ SECRET POST #4701 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4701 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 22 secrets from Secret Submission Post #673.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://i.imgur.com/eP3Wlbg.png

[(Anonymous)]

honestly, I agree

[(Anonymous)]

I think you're being wildly unreasonably harsh

[(Anonymous)]

This

[greghousesgf]

yeah, really!

[(Anonymous)]

What fandom?

Your insult betrays your point. You're the one who doesn't have close friends if you don't think that real friends aren't as close as your siblings. You may not literally live and die with them, but you're going to be with them forever. The fact that so many people dump their friends after getting an SO just goes to show how we treat people as disposable.

[(Anonymous)]

+1

[(Anonymous)]

You honestly sound really young. Most people do not go through their whole lives with their "family" of best friends-- people change, people drift, people fall away, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just how life is. It has nothing to do with SOs or people being "disposable" or anything along those lines-- it's simply that most people will never stay so static that they have enough in common with the people they knew years and years past to remain as close as they once were.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I have had many, many close friends in my life. I still have friends from childhood, high school, college. There is exactly one out of all of them who I consider family. Friends truly THAT close are hard to find. If you think all your close friends are going to be super close and there for you forever, and you expect to be able to be the same for all of them, you're going to be very disappointed.

It's not an insult. It's a fact. It's not bad not to have any close friends.

[(Anonymous)]

Whoa there... OP was... pretty blunt. But "you're going to be with them forever" isn't really an accurate description of how most friendships work. Chances are you'll have an evolving circle of friends, some who stick around and some who don't. Most peoples' circle of friends who are as close as siblings is very, very small. And unfortunately, that's not a guarantee that they'll be around forever, either. Life has a way of doing that to people.

It's not so much that people are disposable, it's that people change. A lot. Every major life change alters you, and sometimes the friendships you had when you were your previous self won't work the same way after that change.

[(Anonymous)]

An SO is found family, too.

Also, I don't agree that "as close as your siblings" means what you seem to think it means. I love my brother dearly and we're close, but when I decided to buy a house, I certainly didn't wonder "But how will this affect my brother, who lives in a different city?" (Answer: it wouldn't.) Similarly, a friend of mine used to be roommates with her cousin, and they are good friends and made good roommates. When she decided she wanted to buy a house, she knew they would have to stop living together because she wanted a place closer to her job and that would be inconvenient for him. I'm sure she talked to him beforehand but didn't hesitate to buy a house just because it meant they wouldn't be roommates anymore. There's a difference between having a loving, supportive relationship with a relative or friend where your lives closely intersect, and having a life partner relationship where you more or less live the same life together.

[feotakahari]

I've mainly seen this in the Marvel movie fandom, which talks more about how they were expecting a found family and didn't get one.

[(Anonymous)]

Some of us will grow old and die with our friends in the same house. It doesn't mean that we don't all have lives, it just means that we don't have millions of dollars.

Having long-term housemates is not a weird TV myth. Sorry to say, but you may be the one who is out of touch, or possibly doing better financially or living in a less expensive area? Good for you, if so!

Even my friends with kids have housemates. You can be a real adult and share living space with other adults.

[(Anonymous)]

But roomies aren't all friends!!11!1!1!11!

I can hear that being an argument now that roomies are just ~convenience~

[(Anonymous)]

I wouldn't put it quite like that perhaps, but I do think it's a ton of wishful thinking and heavy romanticizing something many people wish they had.

[tabaqui]

Gotta disagree.
Sure, like all fanfic, a lot of it is projection and wish-fulfillment. But a lot of it is writing what people know, and for a bunch of women who are 'weird' (nerdy, geeky, queer, into cosplay, disabled, etc.), fandom *is* their found family.

And so having their favorite characters find it is...pretty par for the course.

[(Anonymous)]

To be fair to the OP, I think what they object to is the trend in some circles to reduce the character's lives to their 'found family'. It's not having them live together or being close to them, but being angry at the idea that the characters would have a life outside their 'found family' unlike reality in which most people have more than one circle of friends and/family, no matter how close they are to any group of people.

I've not seen this much, but I see it in the odd fanfic.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, not every group of people is a "found family." But you know, there is media out there about people building alternative family structures after having been deprived traditional family.

[(Anonymous)]

Having no lives outside each other and living in the same house forever is....not at all what I think of as found family, though. That's what romantic pairings tend to be, for sure, but found family is literally just...finding a closeknit supportive community of friends, close enough to share like meals and holidays and hugs with, especially if you didn't have anything like that before. I've literally never heard of found family dying in a single house together, wtf.

[(Anonymous)]

What, you think bio family don't have lives outside of each other and will grow old and die in the same household, or something?

If it gets on your tits that people think all found families shouldn't have separate lives, that's a valid opinion, but don't be a dick about it. You don't get to define for others what a "real" close friendship is either.

[meadowphoenix]

That's because most people don't understand that a necessary part of a "found family" is that one or more of the interested parties doesn't have a close family they didn't choose for various reasons. At least one character literally has to be alone for found family to work because somebody's gotta find the family, lmao.

For true found families, everyone has to basically be alone or only in very distant contact (for instance in Leverage we never see or hear Hardison even talk to his Nana or the other adoptive kids who should be his siblings, so even though he has outside ties, he still has found a family). That said, this IS real life for marginalized classes who are marginalized in their own families. Like...it's quite common for those people.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's hard to make a blanket statement like that-- I'm sure it's true of some people. I think a lot of people enjoy the trope because close family is something they're missing in their life. It may have less to do with the quality of their own close friends and more to do with the quality of their blood family. When you don't have that, you're inclined to look for it elsewhere-- and if you don't build it among your own friends, you look for comfort in fiction, it doesn't mean you don't have good friends, even good lifelong friends. It just means that fiction is heightened.

I mean, there are plenty of things I love in fiction that I don't see or expect or even WANT in my real life. I like those tropes because there's no reason a fictional world can't be like that, because sometimes it's fun to see things BIG, including the depth or length of relationships, and that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the real world not being like that.

Signed, someone who has a lifelong friend who is family (but who doesn't need them all to be)

[(Anonymous)]

I don't have children and I'll most likely never get married, so, yeah, my friends who I've known for 20 years are my family. Neither of them will have children either.

[(Anonymous)]

i've never disagreed so strongly with a secret that i fundamentally agree with.

[(Anonymous)]

i agree with what you're trying to say even if i don't quite roll with how blunt you're being. but i get you if you mean 'people in fandom see a group of friends and immediately think they're found family' which... yeah this happens a lot in fandoms, and they get weirdly bent out of shape when those friend groups grow apart over time and don't spent the rest of their lives keeping in close contact with each other.

honestly i think fandom has just really latched onto that trope in recent years without understanding what it actually means and are applying it across the board instead of where it fits. but then for me, fandoms always been bad at miss-applying terms because they hear a concept they think is neat and slap it onto everything that could be even slightly perceived as that concept.