[ SECRET POST #4742 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4742 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 26 secrets from Secret Submission Post #679.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I always think the N Word in my head when I see a bunch of POC and I feel SO BAD about it but I can't seem to stop. I know I'm racist scum but I have no idea how to stop being racist as fuck. I've tried... just not doing it but then I catch myself again. I hate myself.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Is it in a derogatory way when it pops up in your head, or is it just... there? Bc I don't think that's necessarily indicative of anything at all; intrusive thoughts are a thing, and form patterns of their own. As long as you're not voicing it, I think you're fine.

That said, if it comes with a feeling of being repelled or afraid, that is something you'd want to look into deeper, yeah.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

It's not really a sense of being repelled or afraid. I don't even know what it's like. It's just there. I have OCD so I've wondered if it's something like #2's OP is talking about but I'm not sure. I'm never going to talk about it with my therapist because I'm terrified she'll know I'm scum too.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Talk to your therapist. She'll know it's an intrusive thought, which is common with OCD, and be able to help you with strategies to deal with it.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Hey. I went to CBT for OCD and racism was one of my themes. My therapist didnt blink an eye. Your therapist has most likely heard everything.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I find it weird that you said "POC" and not "black people" because as far as I know no other POCs have been referred to that way, but anyway.

Maybe therapy could help? I'm guessing you were raised by racists and because of that it's an almost automatic reaction. I'm not sure there is an easy way to "just stop doing it" but there might be a way a therapist could help you get out of that mindset.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

SA

And somehow I missed where you said you don't want to talk to your therapist about it. In that case, I really don't know what to tell you.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I thought the prefered word was POC now I'm sorry. I don't know. My parents are EXTREMELY racist though and my dad uses that word pretty much all the time. I don't want to be racist.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

POC just refers to anyone not white, it's okay to say black people (or African American, but most of the black people I know refer to themselves as black rather than African American so that's what I'm in the habit of saying).

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Different anon raised by mildly bigoted parents chiming in. Now that you've said that your parents are racist, well, it's not really your fault! Being raised in such an atmosphere, it can take time to unlearn and be de-programmed from what your parents taught you. Even if they didn't directly teach you to be racist you were still around them and absorbed it unwillingly. Don't beat yourself up too much. :)

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I kinda get you, because I have this problem but it's because I grew up around racist scum. When you hear words and phrases for enough years they get into your thought patterns, wether you believe it or not, and god it's a mindfuck... cuz your brain's just doing it's thing and going on patterns, and when you try to break it you're just creating a new pattern that still has the slur involved or reminds you that you're trying to excise it from your head, and BOOM it's back in your head.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

That's pretty much how it happens. I'm all "don't think that word" and then I'm thinking that word and I hate it. It's so terrible.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

God, yeah, it sucks. So you're in the same situation I'm in! Blech. For what it's worth, I don't think it's a slight against you? I mean, I can't say I'm at peace with it myself, but I don't think less of me for it.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

I've never had anyone in my life who's used racial slurs around me, so I can't say I relate, but I definitely think it's understandable that if you grew up around people who used certain words, you're going to have those words in your head with certain images and associations attached.

I agree that never using the word, especially not against someone, is what's truly important. And of course doing your best to not be racist in any other ways - but that's something we should all be doing, imo.

Re: Vent Thread

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds like you have intrusive thoughts. Those can be troubling and scary, but they don't make you bad. They're trash your brain feeds you because it knows you don't want to be thinking it.