[ SECRET POST #4795 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4795 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


Spoilers and CWs ahead!



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02. [SPOILERS for The Good Place]



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03. [SPOILERS for Sanditon]



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04. [SPOILERS for Guilded Age]



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05. [SPOILERS for Star Trek: Picard]



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06. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

[Graceling]


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07. [WARNING for discussion of substance abuse]



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08. [WARNING for discussion of sexual assault]



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09. [WARNING for discussion of abuse/assault]



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10. [WARNING for discussion of incest/underage/etc. Not the main topic but figured it might start discussion]
























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #686.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[feotakahari]

I definitely don’t like the whole “18-year-olds are still children and need to be protected” thing.

[(Anonymous)]

But there's definitely a difference in power dynamics and emotional maturity in these cases due solely to where the younger person is in their lives.

To me, it would be one thing if a 38 year old and a 70 year old or a 28 year old and a 60 year old got together -the younger party has had time to emotionally mature themselves and fully form as their own person but someone who just became a technical adult, even with the hardest life or the most mature personality/mindset, could not match someone so much older than them and be suitable for a partnership so much older.

[(Anonymous)]

Exactly.

I'm sure some will argue that there are exceptions, that so-and-so is an old soul or has always been mature for their age, but I don't think it's good to pretend that there aren't issues the younger the person is, and the wider the age gap is.

[(Anonymous)]

"Mature for their age" skeeves me out so much, given how many times it's been used against teenagers.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT - I will use it in some scenarios, but I don't think the older party in an age-gap relationship should ever use it themselves.

A situation where I would use the logic of "mature for their age" is with Lorde and her ex. They began dating when she was either 15 or 16 and he was 23. Now personally, I do find that pretty darn questionable. But. Anybody who has seen Lorde talk and listened to her music can clearly see that she was (and still is) incredibly mature for her age - whether you view that as a justification of her ex's decision to be in a relationship with her or not.

It's also not the least bit surprising that they broke up by the time she was 19, and in her song Hard Feelings she sings, "When you've outgrown a lover/The whole world knows but you." Because if she felt mature enough for the dude when she was 16 and he was 23, it's not exactly a surprise she'd surpassed him three years on.

[(Anonymous)]

and i don't like the 'well they're full adults now, toss them out into the world and let them suffer' thing either.

18 year olds aren't kids, but they're still young and figuring themselves out, acting like they don't need any guidance at all is completely ridiculous yet very common sentiment i see touted in various online spaces. as if being 18 somehow makes you magically understand the entire world and how it works the moment you hit that number.

[(Anonymous)]

That...doesn't seem remotely like what feotakahari was saying. There are, in fact, other options besides infantilizing people or treating them with a callous lack of concern and empathy.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, that’s the thing for me. I’m quite put off by people trying to deny legal young adults the right to make their own choices, even when those choices seem…not so good.

Like, I very much understand being concerned/scared for a young person in this kind of situation. I have much younger cousins (both het girls, if that makes any difference to anyone) who are eighteen and nineteen right now. I love them both, and if one of them started dating a middle-aged man I would definitely be concerned. But I would also accept their right to make that choice, and wouldn’t try to get in the way--at least until such time as I’d been given a concrete reason to believe the relationship was genuinely harming them.

[(Anonymous)]

Considering the human brain isn't fully developed at 18 that doesn't make them mature adults either.