fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4846 ]

[ SECRET POST #4846 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4846 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Honestly, I'm going to say yes. As someone who doesn't want kids myself, it isn't fair to you, your girlfriend, our your daughter to keep things going as they are.

If you're girlfriend knows what she wants and knows she doesn't want children, she may eventually give in and agree to let your daughter live with you because she loves you. But she may always be resentful about it and you're daughter would feel that from her. You're daughter deserves to live in a home where everyone loves her, you deserve to have a partner who loves you're daughter like you do, and you're girlfriend deserves to live the childfree life she wants.

Sometimes love just isn't enough and personal needs just make being together longterm incompatible.

I'm truly sorry. I really am. I can't say I know for certain because I'm not you or you're girlfriend. But as someone who like you're girlfriend doesn't want kids, I personally feel like the best thing you can do for both her and you is to break up now. I wish she had the courage to do it for you because if it were me I would have done it because kids are a deal breaker for me.

+1 to all this

except the "you're"s, they're kinda hurting me

yours truly, anon

Sorry. Got into the Easter wine, so my grammer is slipping.

To be honest, you're probably the last person who should be criticizing anyone's grammar.

Agreed. As someone who also does not want kids, I too would be upset if the initial understanding had been that the kid was not going to be a significant part of the relationship. There's a pretty big difference between "having kid around for periods of time" versus "kid living with you two full time" and it sounds like that is ultimately going to make the two of you incompatible.

I honestly wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who had a kid in a first place. It is that much of a deal breaker for me. But that's on me to make it clear. And I side eye the girlfriend's mixed signals. Be up front and clear about the things you want and the things you need and which are which in a relationship. There are things you can compromise on and things you can't, and if something is this important to you, let the other person know before it gets this serious.

As another person who very much doesn't want kids, I agree with this. I mean, if they talked about it up front and OP stated that she definitely didn't want to ever have primary custody and residency of her child ever again, then I can see how that would be really frustrating for OP's partner. But I doubt OP ever made such a definite statement, because I doubt there are many parents who would make such a definite statement about the future of their relationship with their child.

So I'm much more inclined to side-eye the OP's girlfriend. I may not want kids, but I still understand that when someone has a child, you automatically expect that relationship to come first, regardless of the circumstances. I'm not saying "you have to put your child first ALWAYS or you're a bad person." But if you're in a relationship with a person who has a child, you should be aware that their relationship with their child may well supersede their relationship with you, and you have no business getting butthurt about that; it's just the way it goes.

The only question I have for OP is whether there's any chance her GF is merely concerned that OP won't be up to the challenge of full-residency parenthood. It doesn't sound like that's what her GF's issue with it is. But if that were the issue, then I think the GF's reservations would be much more understandable. If the GF's issue is just with not wanting a child around full-time, then I'd say yeah, I think it's probably better if this is the end of the line for you guys.

Yup, same, I do not like kids but I would never get so far in a relationship without making that clear and knowing if they want/have kids or not. I definitely wouldn't cause a rift in my SO relationship with their child because of it, I mean that's just shitty from all angles.

I think that really depends on the person. For instance, I don't want my own kids, but I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with someone who had joint custody of a kid that we had for one or two weekends a month. I don't hate kids, I just don't want the 24/7 responsibility of having a child. So if someone I was interested in dating told me they had custody of their kid for a couple weekends per month, I would be fine with that.

What I wouldn't be fine with would be that suddenly changing to them having full custody of the kid.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #4846 ]

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