[ SECRET POST #4901 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4901 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 72 secrets from Secret Submission Post #702.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

Your friend sounds like a badass.

I don't agree with political lesbianism, because it implies that sexuality is a choice. However, if you never want to be with another man again, nobody should say a word about it. Letting anyone into your life romantically or sexually is a very personal decision and you're allowed to exclude anyone for any reason.

I've always felt a bit out of step gender-wise when I was young because I disliked other people's version of "girlhood" being forced upon me with the expectation that I should be happy and silent about anything I disliked, but being around lots of women who don't need to "feel" or "express" their gender as an identity was incredibly helpful to me. I am a woman. That's a fact whether I look and act like other people's notions of what a woman should look and act like. It's a big weight off my shoulders to realise I don't have to perform womanhood or find an alternate label for myself. I hope you find some peace with this yourself.

It's not misandry to be wary of men or to find social relationships with people you have more in common with more fulfilling. There's a sense of community and support I find with other women that men cannot provide for me.

If you're worried about your friendship you could say something like "hey, sorry for being distant, I'm just going through some personal stuff I'm not ready to talk about."

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

What you've described is the basis of my confusion. Part of me knows I'm not a woman. Like, I just... don't feel like I am. And that's very much detached from my gender expression, even though that's very neutral too. Another part of me says I'm doing women a disservice by overthinking it this much, that women are amazingly diverse and there really is no "box" that says "this is a woman."

But I don't think I am one. I don't know. I can't explain the feeling. The best way I can think to make an analogue of it is like... imagine a person of some part Chinese heritage, whose family has lived in the West for three or more generations, maybe even marrying into non-Chinese families and having mixed children, who maybe then marry into other non-Chinese families and so on. Imagine that this family has near-100% assimilated into Western society, and they don't bother much with Chinese tradition. That person in question-- they know they're part Chinese. There is a part of them that is and there's a history there, but it's not lived history. They don't know the language, they don't know the traditions. They don't feel in any way connected it. Maybe they don't even look Chinese at all. It feels wrong for them to call themselves Chinese.

It's a crude comparison, but that's kind of how my relationship to the idea of womanhood is.

Re: Venting/Advice Thread

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

Sometimes I would have notions that my actions/likes/dislikes were reasons I didn't identify as a woman. Then a woman would come along and say "But I do/like/dislike that same thing, and I'm a woman." You might think that would cause me to question my nb identity, but actually (eventually anyway) it helped. I finally realized it's not about what you do/like/dislike. It's about something different.