[ SECRET POST #4911 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4911 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #703.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://i.imgur.com/sEK8ER8.png

[(Anonymous)]

Aw, OP. Yeah, it's probably not going to happen (your friends leaving you).

I share your pain however. I find it's more of a question about finding the friends who tolerate it (or actually enjoy the same fandom?) and gushing periodically. Like the entire conversation doesn't need to be that, but a nice chunk can be. It's just gauging interest, and moderating the conversation.

Here's to all my friends who have dealt with my ridiculous fandom rants -- most of which are just me lusting over a character or actor. I am usually very embarrassed, but I gotta get those feelings out!

[(Anonymous)]

This is my thought. I also thought OP might find some IRL fan friends to geek out with, then they can get it all out of their system with them and not need to talk about it with non-geeky friends.

[(Anonymous)]

I fear this to some extent, but it's not like I ever really outright advertise my fandom interests.

I do wish I could run into more people who shamelessly geek the fuck out. I miss squeeing about stuff with fandom friends online, and I don't recall a time I ever really had that IRL.

[(Anonymous)]

I have that fear too, which is kinda unfounded because my friends have had like two decades to get rid of me if they really found me that insufferable. It's funny because I've caught myself being too intense about fandom-y things and tried to scale back and then my friends would be like, "Go on, I know there's more", so then I keep going with the squee. I'm just afraid that one day I'll say something that'll really creep them out and they'll drop me, but they've read all the crazy fic I've written and if that didn't scare them off, probably nothing will. Hmm, I should call my friends today and let them know how much I appreciate them.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly? If your IRL friends aren't into fandom, consider not talking to them about fandom, at least not any more than you would talk to them about any other interest they don't share.

There's a push (especially on tumblr, I've noticed) to make it seem like fandom is now totally mainstream and nobody is going to be weirded out if you talk about fanfiction, including on your resume (HOLY FORKING SHIRTBALLS, DO NOT MENTION FANFICTION ON YOUR RESUME IN ANY WAY) and that if someone thinks you're weird for talking about fandom with IRL friends the way you would with fandom friends, it's their fault for not being accepting.

Fandom is not mainstream. Fandom, to the vast majority of the world, is still deeply weird, and unless you are 110% sure that the person you're talking to is into it and wants to hear it, it's rarely a good idea to talk at length about it outside of specifically fannish spaces.

Even when you are in fandom, having someone rant at you about a fandom that you don't know anything about and haven't indicated any interest in is weird and irritating.

And honestly, that part isn't even anything to do with fandom itself-- that's just basic conversational skills. It's good manners to talk about things that you think your conversational partner is going to be interested in, and if you're not sure, to test the waters with a small, short piece of information and see how they react. If they don't react positively, then that's a conversational dead end. And yes, people will get annoyed at your for aggressively pursuing conversational dead ends, over and over again.

Obviously I'm not privy to your conversations, I don't know your friends, and I can't tell whether these are conversations where everyone is participating that happen to be partly about fannish interests, or if you're being a conversational bulldozer of things nobody else is interested in. But if you're worried that it might be the latter, then I think that's worth doing some contemplation over, and adjusting your behaviour if necessary.

[(Anonymous)]

There's a push (especially on tumblr, I've noticed) to make it seem like fandom is now totally mainstream and nobody is going to be weirded out if you talk about fanfiction, including on your resume (HOLY FORKING SHIRTBALLS, DO NOT MENTION FANFICTION ON YOUR RESUME IN ANY WAY)

*blinks*

...people do this?

[philstar22]

I think it depends on the friend, how well you know them, and how much you share about yourself with them. I'm open about being a nerd with some friends who I'm close with and we share about ourselves and I'm comfortable doing that with. My dad is probably the only one I actually share about nerdy stuff with because he's the one IRL person I know who shares some interests with me. But only to a certain extent. I don't share all my fandom stuff with him.

You really just have to figure out that person, that relationship, and how open you are to sharing with them and decide what you'll share about yourself and how much you want to talk with them about it.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

yes, agreed. I don't mean to make it sound like OP is definitely not allowed to talk about fandom, but since it's clearly something they're worried about, I'm guessing they've picked up on some "your conversational partner is bored and/or irritated" signals from those friends, and I don't think those should just be ignored or reassured away.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm lucky in that most of my friends are also into fandom interests, we do listen to each other sound off about whatever we're excited about and it's super good. I love listening to them talk about the thing they like.

I struggle with the feeling that I'm a deeply annoying person and I've been reassured by a handful of my very close friends that I'm not, my best friend even said they enjoy my enthusiastic energy.

But that feeling I'm annoying that combined with the fact that I don't pick up on important social queues 75% of the time leads me to overstep. I apologize when I notice and stop but sometimes I don't realise for a few days.

Sometimes I just don't talk at all because whatever fandom I'm into is taking up nearly all of my waking thoughts to the point where there's nothing else going on in my head. And my rabbit holes go so deep I end up learning very specific things about my interest that frankly I know only I care about.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait, what? People are putting that they write fanfiction on their resumes? I only talk about fanfiction to my friends who've known me forever and know just how weird I am.

[(Anonymous)]

To be fair I've seen writing positions (advertised on tumblr) explicitly say you can send in fanfic as examples of your work (as long as it's not for their properties).
So people hiring writers aren't HELPING with the idea that maybe you shouldn't put fanfic on your resume.

[(Anonymous)]

And honestly, that part isn't even anything to do with fandom itself-- that's just basic conversational skills. It's good manners to talk about things that you think your conversational partner is going to be interested in, and if you're not sure, to test the waters with a small, short piece of information and see how they react. If they don't react positively, then that's a conversational dead end. And yes, people will get annoyed at your for aggressively pursuing conversational dead ends, over and over again.

This. These are just basic rules of social interaction: if someone isn't interested in a topic, DON'T KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT. You wouldn't do it with sports, you wouldn't do it with a hobby, don't do it with fandom either.

[(Anonymous)]

I used to worry about this in my teens, for sure. At that time I was OBSESSED with BtVS and I hadn’t quite developed the self-control to moderate my need to talk about it constantly. Fortunately my friends didn’t drop me.

I don’t worry about it anymore though, because I’ve developed a greater ability to self-moderate. Which I think is important. I mean, if you’re friends are good friends they should accept your passion and be fine with you talking about it sometimes. But if you’re obsessive then there are probably times where you literally just don’t want to talk about anything else; all roads lead back to Thing. And I think that’s definitely something you don’t want to indulge too much, because it will be annoying for others. However, you probably already are self-moderating, in which case you’re probably fine.

[(Anonymous)]

if your nerdy shit isolates you, it's not going to be because you annoyed the normies

it's going to be because you just find people who care about, like, sports and knitting to be really boring