fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4988 ]

[ SECRET POST #4988 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4988 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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^^^

Knowing that my family needs me, and that if something happened to me, their lives would be turned upside down in a terrible way all over again.

My anti-depressants

Yup. That would have been my second choice, after my cat who is also basically an antidepressant for me.

Oh I have cats too. I get up, they ambush me at the bedroom door begging for cuddles, I take my antidepressants, and I cuddle whichever cat is closest. Usually Squeak, who doesn't stab me when she wants to be released, unlike her brother.

Surprisingly, hope.

I have a few, but the first one that came to mind is that my all-time favorite musician is still alive and releasing albums.

Exploring. I take road trips in my state all the time and I see beautiful and new things constantly. I'm looking forward to seeing more of America and the rest of the world when and hopefully if covid ends. The novelty of a new place engages and activates positive feelings in my brain like nothing else.

I feel this so much. I haven't had the money or energy to travel like I used to, even on a smaller scale. But I love seeing new places and expanding my knowledge of the world just a little bit.

my next drink

The fact that my family has already had one big loss and would probably be crushed by another

And the hope that one day I will finally swing back to regular or even hypomanic and be creative again.

There's two things.

"The fact that my family has already had one big loss and would probably be crushed by another"

Same here, OP. We've already had one recent, unexpected death in the family that hit everyone hard. I can't do that to them again.

Re: What One Thing Specifically Encourages You To Keep Living?

dani_phantasma - 2020-09-01 22:53 (UTC) - Expand

On bad days, the knowledge that at least one of my pets would be put down if I died (I have to hold her upright so she can eat). On angry days, spite.

On good days, it honestly varies.

Less agonizing over big philosophical questions such as 'why is the world the way it is?' and 'what is the meaning behind my existence' and instead just going about like an animal does:
If I am hungry, I eat.
If I am tired, I sleep.
If I am lonely, I seek out company.
Action over internal debate.

My cat.

habit

Curiosity! Things may not go good places, but, goddamnit, I want to know where it goes!!

the books I want to write

My dog. He has epilepsy and needs really expensive medications plus monthly bloodwork and he doesn’t qualify for pet insurance because he has a preexisting condition. I love him to bits and I work so he can stay healthy. I don’t know if anybody would be willing to put in the time and expense necessary to keep him if something happened to me.

You are doing a wonderful and noble thing! I got lucky in the fact that my cat (RIP) didn't experience failing health until the last 4-5 years of her life, and that was expected since she died at nineteen and a half years of age.

Re: What One Thing Specifically Encourages You To Keep Living?

(Anonymous) - 2020-09-02 04:34 (UTC) - Expand

I used to work in rescue and we love people like you! You're the ideal dog owner <3

Re: What One Thing Specifically Encourages You To Keep Living?

(Anonymous) - 2020-09-02 04:34 (UTC) - Expand

Fantasies. Sad but true. My life is crap.

Sometimes that was all that kept me going, too. *hugs*

Re: What One Thing Specifically Encourages You To Keep Living?

(Anonymous) - 2020-09-03 02:13 (UTC) - Expand

I was driving home from the grocery store this evening listening to Abba and thinking about my life for the past year. Not since COVID but since last September. I tend to get stuck in these ruts where I just feel very stagnant and I was definitely feeling like I was in limbo all through August. Then today it just hits me how rapidly my personal life has changed in the last year, and how much the world has changed, and the ways they link. Good things happened but my family has had a lot of loss since last September, starting with my aunt's sudden death on 9/11. And like, I usually go grocery shopping with my wife but tonight she stayed home because I was like, you're a teacher, I should be the designated shopper right now. But driving home I just thought about her and I thought about how...fragile and fleeting everything is...and I had this moment of feeling kind of okay? But also being like "damn girl, life is precious, stop being such a bummer". Also, Fall. Fall is making me happy right now.

How much things have changed for my trans niece since I first came out.

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