fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5013 ]

[ SECRET POST #5013 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5013 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Bullying someone at high school. It was the old cliché - domestic violence and sexual abuse going on in my home and I was lashing out at school. I've regretted it for years and been mentally planning how to apologise to her for the last ten years. I hope one day I'll get to apologise to her in person.

I know this doesn't count for much, but as someone who was bullied in high school and is now in my thirties, I would forgive my bullies in a second if they apologized and explained they were dealing with their own bad shit at home and took it out on me and they were sorry.

Then again, I've already forgiven most of them, even without their apologies? I basically assume they were dealing with their own shit at home and that's why they were like that. Plus, we were kids.

There is one guy I don't entirely forgive. But I'm pretty sure he was legit a budding sociopath and the last I heard he was in prison, so, yeah.

Hey, I got bullied a whole lot all through school (at four different schools, go me), and if any of my old bullies came up and said "I'm sorry I [threw rocks at you / called you names / tried to drive you to suicide], I regret it, it was bad, I'm sorry", I'd be really happy.
I don't think it'll ever happen, but still. Maybe you'll have your chance.

one of my old bullies texted me once out of the blue apologizing for all the mean things they did, and while i never replied to them, the gesture meant a lot to me.

Counter to the commenters above, I wouldn't want an apology from my bullies. I'd rather not be reminded they exist at all, especially as the primary purpose of apologizing at this juncture would be to make them feel better about themselves.

Folks can be divided on the issue of whether or not bullies should apologize to their victims, and if victims should hear out/forgive bully. I'm not sure what I'd do. I'm not holding out for an apology, nor am I dreading one. But then, I let go years ago and don't think about it. If my bully came out of nowhere and said they were being abused, I'd be sad for them and maybe understand the hell a child can go through. But I'd likely be, "thanks for explaining, sorry you were suffering, have a nice life" and hope they wouldn't push further.

But nonny, whether or not your victim is receptive to you, I'd mentally prepare myself for the possibility they won't be. It's entirely possible you will need to make peace with that and find a way to let go. I assume you've already resolved to be a better person; think of focusing on that, treat folks in general kindly (again, I'm sure you already do), etc.

I'm sorry you had to experience those horrible things as a child.

I experienced similar things at home and was bullied pretty severely at school, and in retrospect, I feel really sympathetic towards most of my bullies. I don't necessarily want to talk to them again, or think we could be friends now, but I'm not angry with them the way I am at the adults who abused me, and I feel sad thinking about what might have been going on in their lives that made them pick up the behavior they did. I know I also acted in hurtful ways towards other kids myself sometimes and that it was absolutely because I was being abused, so it's hard for me not to be at least a little sympathetic even to kids who really hurt me.

Victims of bullying can feel really differently about whether an apology is appropriate— personally, I would hear it out, though again I don't know if I would want to talk much with bullies from my past. I hope this was somewhat helpful to read, anyway.

Thanks everyone for your input.

She and I are still sort of in touch. The reason I haven't done anything to date is necause she's had a lot of crap happen to her in thw last ten years and I figured the last thong she would give a rats arse about is crap from high school.

I was already planning on prefacing any conversation with 'I would like to apologise for how I behaved at school towards you. If that's something you would like to hear and talk about then we can have that conversation. If you would rather not talk about this then I will never mention it again.' I'm definitely aware that there's an element of seeking forgiveness to this which makes it seem selfish, so I only want to have this convo if she wants to.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. All the best to you all

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